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Old 03-24-2010, 01:46 PM
 
1,895 posts, read 3,406,111 times
Reputation: 819

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hey miss Hopes! geez...you got your hands full, huh?

best of luck to you...i know you're doing the right thing, and it will pay off in dividends with karma in the future...keep on keeping on!
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Old 03-24-2010, 02:38 PM
 
Location: California
37,077 posts, read 42,043,953 times
Reputation: 34888
I took in a boy part time and 9 years later he is now considered part of the family. A woman I know has two unrelated "adult-children" living in her house right now. They are both 19 and one has been with her for a year. It's hard becoming independent these days when you didn't have much of a support system at home or any help growing up. She has them both going to a CC and one has a part time job.
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Old 03-24-2010, 02:48 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 4,270,410 times
Reputation: 2049
I have a great mother. She didn't kick me out, but I left home at age 15. I was never into the drug scene or crime. I stayed at a girlfriend's home for almost a year, was picked up by the sheriff for being a runaway, returned home and moved out again after 2 weeks.

My momma is a very strong person who taught me right from wrong. I am a very strong willed person who will learn from making my own mistakes instead of listening to others.

I'm sure I was a brat to my momma... she HAS to love me... to my friend's momma, I was all peaches and cream... she DIDN'T have to love me or even like me. I treated her alot better and with more respect than I did my momma. But that was then... I am now a momma... I know what it feels like to have a child rip your heart out with an offhand, smart-alec remark. Sometimes the best way to allow a child to mature is to make them responsible for themselves. Would I take in a child that showed up at my door.... in a heartbeat. But it is never one sided, the truth is more in the middle.
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Old 03-24-2010, 04:14 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
Reputation: 2194
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
In my state, parents can't kick children out until they are 18 or graduate from high school. So the parents of the 18 year old broke the law too.
The mother of the 17 year old most likely didn't either since he said, and she expected him to go to his father's to live.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
He thought it was best for him to stay in his school district, and he asked me if I would help out by allowing him to live with me part-time.
Was that before or after you talked to him? If I was his mother I would resent you like h3ll for interfering and going to my ex to discuss MY child and me.

Quote:
I agreed that it would be best for him to stay in the school district, and I said he was allowed to live with me part-time.

He included me in the decision by asking for me to let his son live in my house. That's how WE came to the decision.
You are not his mother. It wasn't your place to be involved at all in that decision. At the very least, the mother and father should have had the conversation and decided what is best for their son. Had they decided that yes, there is someone who he can stay with and finish the school year so maybe that's best, then THAT would have been appropriate. Perhaps that's why she refuses to talk to you. You involved yourself in their family business.

Quote:
It's not my place to tell this family how to handle things.

The mother dumped the boy on his father without warning. The asked me for help. I am helping. Period.
The UNDERAGE BOY asked you for help. The parents didn't. She "dumped" the boy on HIS FATHER, NOT ON YOU. You were not invited into this by anyone but an underage kid.

Quote:
Yes, they did. In my state, parents are legally and financially responsible for their children until they graduate from high school.
Then the decisions should be between the mother and father.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
I have a great mother. She didn't kick me out, but I left home at age 15. I was never into the drug scene or crime. I stayed at a girlfriend's home for almost a year, was picked up by the sheriff for being a runaway, returned home and moved out again after 2 weeks.

My momma is a very strong person who taught me right from wrong. I am a very strong willed person who will learn from making my own mistakes instead of listening to others.

I'm sure I was a brat to my momma... she HAS to love me... to my friend's momma, I was all peaches and cream... she DIDN'T have to love me or even like me. I treated her alot better and with more respect than I did my momma. But that was then... I am now a momma... I know what it feels like to have a child rip your heart out with an offhand, smart-alec remark. Sometimes the best way to allow a child to mature is to make them responsible for themselves. Would I take in a child that showed up at my door.... in a heartbeat. But it is never one sided, the truth is more in the middle.
I agree. Kids tend to get hysterical and make mountains out of molehills. To a teenager, they are always the victim, never the perpetrator of any problems.
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Old 03-24-2010, 06:01 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 4,270,410 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post

I agree. Kids tend to get hysterical and make mountains out of molehills. To a teenager, they are always the victim, never the perpetrator of any problems.
I never said that. There are parents who go all hysterical on weird stuff. My son's really good friend (boys aviod the best friend label in high school) has one of these hysterical parents. I fully expect this boy to show up on my doorstep. I have discussed this with one of his parents (who are divorced). This boy does above and beyond normal teenage chores and responsibilities, but one of his parents does things like shut off power to his and his sister's bedrooms/bathrooms when the parent doesn't feel respected. No power= no lights or heat in their rooms or bathroom. This child does not play the victim.... he actually defends the parent. And no power may be a molehill to the amish, and it will not kill, it is a mountain to a teenage boy who cannot shower before school and teenage boys stink!

When I was a teenie brat, I acknowledged I was in the wrong, I never played victim. To be a victim would be to admit weakness.... at that age, that was a fate worse than death for me.
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Old 03-24-2010, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,499 posts, read 53,871,772 times
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Hopes, I hope your good intentions don't turn around and bite you in the b---.

And be sure to keep an eye on these two as two suffering teens might find a kind of solice with each other. Good luck
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Old 03-24-2010, 11:42 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,515,932 times
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Good luck - make sure you have a way to handle emergency medical treatment and things like that.

A guy at work told me that his ex wife had custody of his daughters, and when one of her live-in lovers began making sexual comments to the older daughter, the daughter told her mother about him and the mother accused her of lying and threw her out of the house.

Luckily the girl had her father and so moved in, and a few months later the other daughter left the mother because of the mother's boyfriend and his sons who had taken over the house and made it a very hostile environment.

Some parents are just not good parents. Sometimes good parents do have to lay down the law however and in that case, it could be interference. But - whatever it is, kids shouldn't end up on the streets and sometimes a time out works for both parents and kids.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:53 AM
 
Location: the earth
13 posts, read 15,997 times
Reputation: 15
Default Mental Illiness

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Two teenagers are coming to live at my house. Both have been kicked out by their parents prior to them finishing high school.

One is a girl who was kicked out during 12th grade when she turned 18 in the fall. She was allowd to live temporarily at a girlfriend's house for a couple of months. Once she could no longer live there, she moved into her minor (17) boyfriend's parent's house. She joined the military. Since her boyfriend is very abusive, she will be living at my house until she leaves for basic training in June after she graduates.

The other is a 17 year old boy who is in 11th grade who was kicked out yesterday afternoon. I swear his mother is insane. She kicked him out because he simply wants to have a relationship with his father (vist him now and then, and talk to him on the phone). She told him to pack his bags and leave instantly----literally threw him out on into the street with no time to make arrangements. He called me and I picked him up, spent the afternoon driving him to work and from work, and then took him to his father's house in the evening. (His father was out of town on a business trip until late afternoon.) His father dropped him off here at 5:30AM so he could go to school. Starting next week, he will be living with me on the weekdays and living his father on the weekends since his father lives far away and in a different school district. His father would gladly have him full time, but we mutually decided this was best for him. He's going through a very difficult time, and he doesn't need to deal with starting a new school at the end of 11th grade.

I don't understand parents who kick their children out prior to finishing high school! Their tough love isn't parenting. They are simply pushing the parenting onto other parents! They kick them out KNOWING their children have no other options than to go to other parents! Someone could say that other parents don't have to take these children into their houses, but no decent person is going to leave a homeless teenager on the street. I don't mind taking these teenagers into my home. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND THEIR PARENTS! How could they do this to their children?

All of this happened yesterday! No sooner than I got home at 8pm from helping the boy all day, the girl knocked at my door in tears!
Many, Parents, have mental illness, and go without diagnosis, esp. with and abrupt decision like this would suggest such a disease. Most mothers normally would not give there children up without having such a disease. After evaluation, By a pyschiatric dr. I am sure they would find that she had a sever depression going on related to stressors maybe going on in her live which can cause delirum and poor choices she is not even aware she is makeing until its to late. Then think of her when she pulls out of this and descovers her childeren are gone. It is possible to cause the mental illiness to go into even a worse state. Many American's have Mental Illiness undiagnossed , If a mom or dad, is acting in a bazziar way, I feel this is something that needs to be addressed first before taking the kids away. so I think the Topic should read HOW COULD THEY TAKE THERE KIDS WITHOUT EVALUATING THE PARENTS IN AMERICA. love phoeinx disabled RN
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Old 03-25-2010, 06:06 AM
 
Location: the earth
13 posts, read 15,997 times
Reputation: 15
i also want to forgive for my spell checker not working above, I have ms and spelling tends to be a problem but i mean well. I just can not believe still IN AMERICA THEY WOULD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN WITHOUT CONSIDERATION TO THE PARENT AND EVLAULATE MOM. Seriously, does it make much sense? then take the kids how is mom going to feel after waking up out of this mental blurb and discovering no one around her helped... Unfortunately , I watched a show not long ago were they put a lady a a insane asylum and took the boy she kept refusing was hers because when she first delivered they took her initial baby. In the end she did finally get her real baby. but done this all on her own. But, I found this scary what really can be done in AMERICA how they can swoop in take your kids when your having a break down without no regard for you , and if you do not have the family to back you ...... YOUR SQREWED,,,,, THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE, PATIENT ADVOCATES NEED TO HAPPEN FOR THE MENTAL HEALTH THAT ARE NOT EVALUATED . PHOEINX
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Old 03-25-2010, 06:37 AM
 
48,505 posts, read 96,603,039 times
Reputation: 18304
No in Texas and some sates tens are adult when they teun 17. I alos doubt we are getting the full story just the tenagers side in both cases.
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