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Old 03-31-2010, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
18,385 posts, read 31,494,900 times
Reputation: 27835

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Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd View Post
I wouldn't go there and say anything --- it's really none of your business what they do on their property or what they say on their property. You don't know how they're going to react to you and, if their language is that bad, do you really think they're going to stop? When they get frustrated over a project, do you think they're going to scream "oh tiddley-winks"

Just as you don't like the bad language maybe they don't like hearing kids screaming and making noise.

Your kids are going to be exposed to bad language and a host of other things you don't want them to be exposed to. Once they're in school, they will learn every "bad" word under the sun --- in Kindergarten, one boy taught the whole class how to "give the finger" and what it meant. Nice, right? And this was in a catholic school. Unfortunately, that's life and that's how it goes. Not much you can do aout it other than keeping your kids in the house 24/7/365 and never let them have any outside influence ever.

I absolutely agree with everything you said !
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Old 03-31-2010, 08:02 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,593,756 times
Reputation: 42767
Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd View Post
I wouldn't go there and say anything --- it's really none of your business what they do on their property or what they say on their property. You don't know how they're going to react to you and, if their language is that bad, do you really think they're going to stop? When they get frustrated over a project, do you think they're going to scream "oh tiddley-winks"

Just as you don't like the bad language maybe they don't like hearing kids screaming and making noise.

Your kids are going to be exposed to bad language and a host of other things you don't want them to be exposed to. Once they're in school, they will learn every "bad" word under the sun --- in Kindergarten, one boy taught the whole class how to "give the finger" and what it meant. Nice, right? And this was in a catholic school. Unfortunately, that's life and that's how it goes. Not much you can do aout it other than keeping your kids in the house 24/7/365 and never let them have any outside influence ever.
Stay inside. Don't do anything. There's nothing anybody can do. It's hopeless. It's none of my business anyway. That's life.

Apathy doesn't get anyone anywhere. Sometimes people are dumb and don't realize that others can hear them. And maybe the OP's kids are loud and obnoxious, so much so that these neighbors are being loud and obnoxious, hoping she'll get the hint. Going over to talk about it can help resolve these issues. Not doing anything will not.

People bemoan the growing lack of neighborliness and cooperation. This is an opportunity to do something different. Sure, they might get surly and that's not fun, but is it any worse that stewing in silence whenever she's in the backyard listening to that? If nothing can be done, okay, but I think it's a lot easier to move on if you know you tried, at least.
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Old 03-31-2010, 09:19 AM
 
2,714 posts, read 5,343,987 times
Reputation: 6213
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Stay inside. Don't do anything. There's nothing anybody can do. It's hopeless. It's none of my business anyway. That's life.

Apathy doesn't get anyone anywhere. Sometimes people are dumb and don't realize that others can hear them. And maybe the OP's kids are loud and obnoxious, so much so that these neighbors are being loud and obnoxious, hoping she'll get the hint. Going over to talk about it can help resolve these issues. Not doing anything will not.

People bemoan the growing lack of neighborliness and cooperation. This is an opportunity to do something different. Sure, they might get surly and that's not fun, but is it any worse that stewing in silence whenever she's in the backyard listening to that? If nothing can be done, okay, but I think it's a lot easier to move on if you know you tried, at least.
I agree with you but the OP specifically asked for things she can do other than confronting these people. If she has already said that she does not wish to do a face to face for whatever reason, then telling her to go over there doesn't really help her.

I don't think a letter will do any good either and may cause them to yell next time they are out in their yard "F-in cowards, can't talk to me to my face!" and stuff like that. But again, she asked how she could address this without going over there. If she changes the parameters of how she wishes to address this, I'm sure folks here could give her some tactful ways of approaching the neighbors that may turn out to be very effective.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:33 AM
 
4,502 posts, read 13,441,898 times
Reputation: 4098
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
^^^ I totally disagree. It is your business as they are your neighbors and your children can hear what they are saying. My son learned his first word from our neighbor, thank goodness it was NO, but it was from the neighbor's daughter constantly taking toys and saying NO!

When we moved into our house our neighbors behind us had a horrid fence that was falling down and dangerous. I hate confrontation but needed to find out their intent with the fence. They were spending $$$ on making their backyard beautiful, while the fence was falling into our yard and board breaking off.

I went over, knocked on the door and said "Hey, I am your new neighbor nice to meet you. Your backyard is looking beautiful, I love all the work you are doing! I am a bit concerned about the fence, your dog has escaped into our yard, and the kids are getting splinters. Do you have plans?"

My heart I thought was going to come out of my chest. The guy was really nice and it turned out wonderfully. The fence was replace about 6 months later and we have become friendly.
.
A fence falling into your backyard is a completely different situation than your neighbors speaking in their backyards....

I wonder what would happen if the OP went over there, asked them to curb their language and the guys told her "well, we're sick and tired of hearing kids yelling and screaming when we're out in our yard. Please keep your children quiet so we don't have to hear them"..
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:48 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,593,756 times
Reputation: 42767
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
I agree with you but the OP specifically asked for things she can do other than confronting these people. If she has already said that she does not wish to do a face to face for whatever reason, then telling her to go over there doesn't really help her.

I don't think a letter will do any good either and may cause them to yell next time they are out in their yard "F-in cowards, can't talk to me to my face!" and stuff like that. But again, she asked how she could address this without going over there. If she changes the parameters of how she wishes to address this, I'm sure folks here could give her some tactful ways of approaching the neighbors that may turn out to be very effective.
That's true. I read so many responses before writing my own response that I forgot that part. I guess she was looking for an answer like, "Call the police" or "Get the homeowners' association involved." Relying on other people to solve our problems is part of the reason neighbors stopped talking to one another.

Taking my own advice: I have to go talk to some neighbors today because they owe my daughter $10. She babysat for them on Saturday, and the mother underpaid her and told her she'd bring the money by on Sunday. It's now Wednesday, no $10. This woman bizarrely snubbed my husband and me several months ago, so I don't want to go over there, but I'd feel like a chicken**** just calling her on the phone. $10 is a big deal to a teenager. I don't know why this woman would just not pay her.

Not all neighbors are good ones!
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Old 03-31-2010, 11:16 AM
 
2,714 posts, read 5,343,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Taking my own advice: I have to go talk to some neighbors today because they owe my daughter $10. She babysat for them on Saturday, and the mother underpaid her and told her she'd bring the money by on Sunday. It's now Wednesday, no $10. This woman bizarrely snubbed my husband and me several months ago, so I don't want to go over there, but I'd feel like a chicken**** just calling her on the phone. $10 is a big deal to a teenager. I don't know why this woman would just not pay her.

Not all neighbors are good ones!
Good luck. I hope you get the cash. It's awful to have to ask if they said they'd pay her.

When I read the OP, I immediately thought of an incident in a building I once lived in. The apt house was right next to a private house with a driveway and my next door neighbors were two young girls with a brother that visited occasionally and stayed there.

One day I guess he forgot his key, went to the roof and climbed all the way down the fire escape to their second floor window. The neighbor in the private home just happened to walk outside and see this guy messing with a window and asked "Is everything okay over there?" I heard this exchange. He said "Mind your f-in business b-tch." If she called the cops, they never came.

A few days later one of the windows in the private home was smashed with a full bottle of Snapple at some point overnight. I didn't see it until the next day. I'm sure this guy broke her window but no one saw it. I got very skittish after that and would have a very hard time confronting a neighbor if I had an issue with them because of that.

I thought the OP probably experienced something similar and can totally understand her not wanting a confrontation. I hope she gets it sorted out in some way.
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Old 03-31-2010, 02:13 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 4,424,133 times
Reputation: 1262
You have to gauge the neighbor's personality and previous behavior as much as you can before deciding on confrontation. Some neighbors don't want anyone to say anything to them at any time, and those are often the ones who disrupt other people's enjoyment of their own property. It's okay for them to do whatever they want, even if it's at your expense, so you can't reason with them. Do the cursing neghbors display such an attitude, from body language or attitude? I once had a trifling neighbor (loose dogs, engine sitting in the driveway, makeshift funky kennel that extended a bit onto my property). I will say he was the exception in that he was easy to confront. He moved the kennel off my property. He built the kennel after I complained about the dogs loose on my property. He also tried to ask me out to dinner and I was married, but hey, that's a whole 'nother thread.
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Old 03-31-2010, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,934,588 times
Reputation: 3947
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I don't know why this woman would just not pay her.
It's possible it totally slipped her mind and she's not purposefully trying to short change your daughter.
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Old 03-31-2010, 02:31 PM
 
29,981 posts, read 42,825,880 times
Reputation: 12828
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Taking my own advice: I have to go talk to some neighbors today because they owe my daughter $10. She babysat for them on Saturday, and the mother underpaid her and told her she'd bring the money by on Sunday. It's now Wednesday, no $10. This woman bizarrely snubbed my husband and me several months ago, so I don't want to go over there, but I'd feel like a chicken**** just calling her on the phone. $10 is a big deal to a teenager. I don't know why this woman would just not pay her.

Not all neighbors are good ones!
Your daughter did the babysitting, she should also go over and do the collecting, IMO. This should serve as a learning experience for her. She can take a written bill with her if the woman claims not to have the money to pay and put a due date on it of 14 days from the date of babysitting services rendered. That courteously gives the woman another week to get the funds together is she is out of money.

If your daughter continues to baby sit for this woman she should do so with a written contract in case she must take her to small claims court one day.

Your daughter is running her first business and as such she should act like a business owner.
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Old 03-31-2010, 06:42 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,755,385 times
Reputation: 30711
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifelongMOgal View Post
Your daughter did the babysitting, she should also go over and do the collecting, IMO. This should serve as a learning experience for her. She can take a written bill with her if the woman claims not to have the money to pay and put a due date on it of 14 days from the date of babysitting services rendered. That courteously gives the woman another week to get the funds together is she is out of money.

If your daughter continues to baby sit for this woman she should do so with a written contract in case she must take her to small claims court one day.

Your daughter is running her first business and as such she should act like a business owner.
I totally agree. It's best for a teenager to learn how to collect what's owed.

I remember selling Avon when I was 16. Someone's check bounced. My father told me that I had to go to her door and show her the bounced check and ask for payment.

I did what he said, and she paid me what she owed. Great learning experience. As a result, I've never been afraid to approach people about issues.
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