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Old 03-28-2010, 06:57 PM
 
Location: FL
1,942 posts, read 8,470,608 times
Reputation: 2326

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We have neighbors that have their backyards to our backyards. They're not the ones that are directly behind us, but are the ones next to them, so actually their yard is directly behind our adjacent neighbor's yard.

I'm all for you can do what you want on your own land-being a home owner myself.

I don't know who lives there, but I know there are at least two men there. They appear to be in their thirties. Every time they are out, they seem to be working on something, and it seems to always be going wrong......and that's when the profanity starts.

Every single time, they're screaming curses. Today, during the day, they were screaming "F-this" and "F-that"..."mother f-ing" and so on.

I care because when my two children are out in the yard- like my youngest was today, we can hear it loud and clear. I hate that they're exposed to that.

I don't want to seem over-protective-I'm sure that they're going to hear that one way or another- with their friends perhaps, definitely as they grow up. But it bothers me that if we are definitely hearing it- I know many other neighbors are too- and I know these men know there are children here. Children often play in my yard, and of course you can hear the children yelling themselves, and playing around.

Apart from going over there and asking them to please watch what they say- which I really don't want a confrontation- what other course might I have?

I know technically they are allowed to say whatever they want (unless there's some law I don't know about)- but I would think there would be some kind of courtesy regarding language that others could hear.

So, any advice here?

Last edited by Mrs.Bewitched; 03-28-2010 at 07:04 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-28-2010, 07:17 PM
 
4,796 posts, read 22,834,796 times
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It doesn't matter if they are neighbors, your kids are going to hear those words. They are going to see people do things that you don't want them to see or do. You've got to instill in them the values you want them to have at home, and trust them to use their judgement when they encounter these circumstances. You can't sanitize the world so that your kids never have to encounter anything unpleasant.

And learn to not be so offended by them. Most people use the f-word as an adjective these days, not as an oath.
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Old 03-28-2010, 07:31 PM
 
137 posts, read 500,623 times
Reputation: 195
Hmmm, I disagree with the above poster

I have a mouth like a sailor...but I know in what context to use it and near children is not one of them. The two guys need to respect the neighbors.

I agree, eventually the kids are going to hear bad language and slurs, etc. But considerign your situation, I'm 42...even at my age I don't need to hear swearing and vulgarities. The other thing to me is that a grown man should be able to calm his launguage down around woman and children. Old fashioned maybe but its my feelings.

Do you have a male in the house? If so, he needs to go to the back of the fence when he hears it next time and strike up a conversation....Hey guys hows it going, hey listen I got kids over here...can you kinda watch the language, I hate to be a pain in the ass but the kids are in their repating stage, etc...kind of like that
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Old 03-28-2010, 07:39 PM
 
Location: FL
1,942 posts, read 8,470,608 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheapsk8 View Post
Hmmm, I disagree with the above poster

I have a mouth like a sailor...but I know in what context to use it and near children is not one of them. The two guys need to respect the neighbors.

I agree, eventually the kids are going to hear bad language and slurs, etc. But considerign your situation, I'm 42...even at my age I don't need to hear swearing and vulgarities. The other thing to me is that a grown man should be able to calm his launguage down around woman and children. Old fashioned maybe but its my feelings.

Do you have a male in the house? If so, he needs to go to the back of the fence when he hears it next time and strike up a conversation....Hey guys hows it going, hey listen I got kids over here...can you kinda watch the language, I hate to be a pain in the ass but the kids are in their repating stage, etc...kind of like that
The reason why I said I didn't want a confrontation, is because I had one at a previous location and it didn't turn out so well. We were renting at the time, and the apartment across from ours (their door faced ours) was rented by a bunch of twenty something men. Drinking every night- outside, blasting music...till 4 in the morning- yes, they were finally evicted...but until then, it was hell. All of us neighbors complained. One time I went to them and asked them to please watch their mouth, as my children were only 5 and 10 at the time. The next day, as I walked outside with my two children, those "adults" were sitting outside, saw us, and THEN started cursing- and i know it was on purpose because they started loudly saying "I can f-ing curse whenever I f-ing want to..." and so on. This was in front (3 feet away) of 2 children they were doing this to.

Of course now I have the fear that no matter how nicely we ask, if they get offended that we're "trying to tell them to watch their mouth on their own property"....they might purposefully make it worse
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Old 03-28-2010, 08:35 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,633,957 times
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If you want something to change, you are going to have to suck it up, even if you don't like confrontation. Just be very nice about it as cheapsk8 said, and it should go well. Hopefully things will change.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:19 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,865,262 times
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You might have better luck with the 30 year olds as opposed to the twenty-somethings, maybe not but you never know til you try.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:56 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,219,916 times
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I don't have an answer but just writing to offer my support.
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Old 03-28-2010, 10:06 PM
 
67 posts, read 164,887 times
Reputation: 127
How about, ignore him? The police are worthless in that area. I grew up in low income areas, heard every word on earth, saw fist fights, dope, cigs, alcohol, etc. I was an all A student in school, never got suspended, never went to the office,etc. I graduated in '09. I know not to disrespect my elders or talk back. Why not just be a good influence and not so up tight? They ain't gonna die from hearing foul language. Unless you move again, they won't stop. FREEDOM OF SPEECH, does exist in this country you know.
Quote:
Do you have a male in the house?
Please ignore that BS, anyone with a voice can confront someone. Don't need men "helping the frail darling".
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Old 03-28-2010, 10:08 PM
 
108 posts, read 507,368 times
Reputation: 88
Kinda divided on this one and I think it will have to be approached from both angles. Unless you notice your children picking up some of the language among themselves or they say something, I wouldn't point it out because then you're just highlighting something that might not be on their radar. When and if they seem to be aware of the language, let them know that it's not appropriate language and that they are not to use it. In the meantime, I'm guessing if these guys are outside working on different projects, they might be approachable. I'd think that people outside drinking and partying would be less approachable. If you can, find a reason to get to know them (or as another poster said, have a male in the house strike up a conversation about whatever project they are working on). You/he might laughingly say, "it didn't sound like that was cooperating a moment ago." Then let them know that you personally are not offended but that your children and their friends are often playing in the yard and can overhear them. If they are "menschs" they will acknowledge that they weren't even aware they were doing it and they will try to keep a lid on it. If not, back off the conversation while remaining friendly. You can choose not to make it confrontational, even if they try. I'm betting that even if they seem put off by your request, they'll feel stupid later and pay closer attention to their language.
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:14 AM
 
Location: On the Ohio River in Western, KY
3,387 posts, read 6,602,458 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JesseJames View Post
Please ignore that BS, anyone with a voice can confront someone. Don't need men "helping the frail darling".

I agree, not to mention it could escalate the situation into a physical confrontation.
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