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Old 04-05-2010, 12:24 PM
 
122 posts, read 329,970 times
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this is a very controversial, perhaps taboo topic. but i really want to know what people think about this.

let us be completely honest. not every child is attractive. and i KNOW that most if not all parents have a good idea of where their children lie on the looks scale. so my question is, considering how freakin' important looks are in life (and how far they can take you in every facet of life), do parents have the responsibility of making sure their children look attractive?

my own parents raised me to think that the only thing you need in life is a good set of brains and a good personality, and the world will be your oyster. except that by the time i was in high school, i knew what a big lie this was, and i always resented my parents for never paying attention to some serious facial defects i had (includes severe acne, horrible teeth, and some other stuff i am not comfortable talking about). yes, i was an ugly kid, far uglier than most, if i say so myself. my parents could not have been blind to it. im absolutely positive they knew. but they acted like there was nothing wrong with me. while i know parents dont want to hurt their children's feelings in any way, sometimes they need to be honest for the children's sake, dont they?
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Old 04-05-2010, 12:34 PM
 
2,625 posts, read 11,198,789 times
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Taboo indeed, but i guess, some parents are blind to their childrens looks, theirs some butt ugly kids out there, lets be honest. My boys are handsome, but sometimes they need a lil dad makeover, i take them to get haircuts, iron their clothes, make sure their shoes are clean [very important], MAKE SURE THEY brush their teeth, and always dab them with cologne, so theyll smell good all the time.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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I think parents should ensure that children have good hygiene, adequate exercise, and reasonably attractive, well-fitted clothing. Other than that, I think they should be receptive to a child's desire for braces, acne treatment, etc., but they should think twice before suggesting those types of treatments. A critical word from a parent about one's looks can do a world of damage. Children should believe that their parents think they're beautiful, regardless of what the rest of the world thinks.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:30 PM
 
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Self esteem and confidence is more important than looks. A person can be raised with tremendous self esteem no matter what they look like and come out on top. It isn't whether a parent is responsible for looks, because for the most part, looks cannot be changed too easily. It's how the child grows up thinking about themselves.

Sometimes the cutest kids turn out to be the ugliest adults. I've seen this many, many times. Many times, the ugliest kids turn out to be very attractive adults.

I don't think a parent is as responsible for the looks of their offspring as they are for the self esteem and confidence of their offspring.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:33 PM
 
Location: here
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I guess it depends on the situation. If braces and acne treatment were not covered by insurance and your parents couldn't afford them, I guess I can understand why you didn't get those things. I had braces, and not for vanity reasons. I "needed" quite a bit of orthodontic work to make sure my adult teeth came in and were positioned correctly. I had acne too. Still do. I tried every over the counter treatment possible, but nothing worked. I always wished my mom had taken me to a dermatologist, but I think her feeling was that it was just part of being a teenager.

A lot of teens won't listen to their parents when they offer constructive criticism. A parent could try to steer their child toward flattering clothes, but they may not listen.

So, I guess a parent should try, but a lot of it might be out of their control.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:33 PM
 
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good point, noexcuses. except that mine didnt foster much self esteem and confidence on top of ignoring my appearance. im now in my mid 20's and trying to undo all that damage on my own. it really sucks, to say the least.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:42 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,680,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peptea View Post
good point, noexcuses. except that mine didnt foster much self esteem and confidence on top of ignoring my appearance. im now in my mid 20's and trying to undo all that damage on my own. it really sucks, to say the least.
That's true, but look how strong you will be as a result. Anytime you accomplish something in your own right, you always win in some way. Remember, as people age, they mature in looks as well as in person.

The world can still be your oyster.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:58 PM
 
623 posts, read 1,599,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I guess it depends on the situation. If braces and acne treatment were not covered by insurance and your parents couldn't afford them, I guess I can understand why you didn't get those things. I had braces, and not for vanity reasons. I "needed" quite a bit of orthodontic work to make sure my adult teeth came in and were positioned correctly. I had acne too. Still do. I tried every over the counter treatment possible, but nothing worked. I always wished my mom had taken me to a dermatologist, but I think her feeling was that it was just part of being a teenager.

A lot of teens won't listen to their parents when they offer constructive criticism. A parent could try to steer their child toward flattering clothes, but they may not listen.

So, I guess a parent should try, but a lot of it might be out of their control.
It is a parents sole responsibility to instill good hygiene and discuss these issues with your children. You can't ignore that your kid has acne. You can't ignore they have bad teeth etc... To think the child might not listen is no reason to not discuss it. You even stated in your own post that you wish your mom would have taken you to a dermatologist.

Giving your kids a good self esteem is a good thing. As long as it isn't false. Take American Idol for example. It drives me crazy to have a horrible singer making a fool of themselves only to have their parents right behind them saying "your the best".

Being a parent is hard and sometimes you have to deal with these things. It needs to be done with love and affection but your child will appreciate it that you at least discussed the options with them.

If my child had or has these issues in the future I would work 3 jobs if I had to help them feel better about themselves.
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Old 04-05-2010, 02:08 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,075,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littleelvis View Post
It is a parents sole responsibility to instill good hygiene and discuss these issues with your children. You can't ignore that your kid has acne. You can't ignore they have bad teeth etc... To think the child might not listen is no reason to not discuss it. You even stated in your own post that you wish your mom would have taken you to a dermatologist.

Giving your kids a good self esteem is a good thing. As long as it isn't false. Take American Idol for example. It drives me crazy to have a horrible singer making a fool of themselves only to have their parents right behind them saying "your the best".

Being a parent is hard and sometimes you have to deal with these things. It needs to be done with love and affection but your child will appreciate it that you at least discussed the options with them.

If my child had or has these issues in the future I would work 3 jobs if I had to help them feel better about themselves.
Personally, I will get braces for my kids no matter what, if that is what is needed. I don't foresee being in a place financially where that is not possible. But not everyone is that fortunate. There are different degrees of acne. I've seen way worse than mine. I was taught hygiene, but washing your face isn't enough. Sometimes it takes medication to control it. If a family is barely making ends meet, paying for prescription acne medication or braces might not be a top priority. We don't know the story behind the OP's not having braces or acne treatment. I'm not going to criticize her parents for not doing these things for her without knowing the full story. For some parents, being present in the evenings is more important for their kids than working 3 jobs to pay for something cosmetic.

And I never said not to discuss it with them because they might not listen.
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:57 PM
 
Location: nc
436 posts, read 1,519,853 times
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Well sometimes I think it is the kids choice. My son has pretty bad acne and I've bought every kind of soap, cream there is but he won't use it. I ask him frequently, in a polite way of course, if he has been using them and he says no. When I ask him why he just says he doesn't care.

The same with his clothes. I've taken him into all the "trendy" stores to let him pick out nice clothes that look nice on him, but he'd rather pick out goth-type clothes that look ridiculous.

He does have braces but he wasn't given a choice.
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