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Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
169 posts, read 607,755 times
Reputation: 108
Oggling by accident
I know that I will have your problem in the future. I've already got grandma-type ladies oggling my 16 month old son for his impressive eyelashes...dunno why the guys always get the long, thick, dark lashes...they will not appreciate them! *sigh* I'm proud that he turned out so cute, not that I had any say in it, but I'm glad the DNA organized itself so nicely...but I'm worried what will happen when he realizes he's cute. Mama's going to be in deep trouble then...
As far as older women oggling goes...I remember "way" back when I was in my early 20s (I'm 29 now) my route to work took me past a high school. My schedule was such that I was going in to work when school was getting out. I'd usually have to stop & wait for people in the crosswalk. Every once in a while, I would think, "oh, he's kinda cute..." just as a passing thought...then it finally occurred to me that I was like 22, & these guys were walking from high school...which means they may not even be 16 yet...which made me a pervert! Aaack! When did that happen? I don't feel that old...
Really, tho, I don't think there's anything wrong with a passing glance of appreciation, but I do think it crosses the line when any adult is looking at someone that much younger as if they were a big, juicy slab of meat. Really, that's disrespectful at any age...heh...unless you're married/seriously committed to that person...then the occasional "side-of-beef" glance is kinda welcome every once in a while...hehe
As far as older women oggling goes...I remember "way" back when I was in my early 20s (I'm 29 now) my route to work took me past a high school. My schedule was such that I was going in to work when school was getting out. I'd usually have to stop & wait for people in the crosswalk. Every once in a while, I would think, "oh, he's kinda cute..." just as a passing thought...then it finally occurred to me that I was like 22, & these guys were walking from high school...which means they may not even be 16 yet...which made me a pervert! Aaack! When did that happen? I don't feel that old...
I know what you mean, sometimes I have to remind myself that I am a married woman when the older teens jog around our neighborhood in the summer. Or some of the garbage men are pretty cute .
Sometimes one is put into a situation, one never intented of been in the first place
Very good point Msb23. Some 20-somethings can still look "high school" aged. On top of that there is a fair share of high school guys who fancy 20-something girls for some reason. It is not just older people oggling them. Still get flirty looks from high school age lads, which I take it as a compliment that I have not aged and can still pass for an angelic 16-year-old. Kindly smile at them for thinking I'm still cute and keep on walking. As a 17-year-old girl I stopped babysitting 3 brothers after the three of them came on to me in different occasions. At the same token I know there are older ladies out there with their "cabana boy" fantasy.
I tell you, GIRLS - I mean, YOUNG girls - are very aggressive these days. My daughter (12) was telling me how girls her age and younger were seen asking out a 24 year old guy!
I don't have a son, but I think it is the same with older men checking out younger girls. My husband told me he had a co-worker make a very rude comment to him about our daughter when he was showing him her HS senior pics (she was 17!) People just dont have any self restraint anymore!!
I was a teen in the 70's, but I have to say that teens are looking their best right now over all the other years that have passed by as far as clothes, hairstyle, and confidence level. Guys are not afraid to tell their guy friends they love them and there are a lot more friendships between guys and girls. True friendships, I don't think that was around in the 70's. They were either your boyfriend, your brothers' friend, or nothing. This as a whole package makes a young man appealing, but as a mother and an old lady, I would never check one out or makes a comment to his mother!!!! I have a 15 yr old daughter, and I do tell her who I think is nice or good looking, but I'm sure all parents do that.
I know when I started working in a bank at 19, that was in 1979, I constantly had older men, men in their 40's, asking me out. My 19 yr old daughter tells me that older men are always throwing her a comment while walking through the mall. Imagine if older women did this to young guys!!
Beyond just flattery, I get why this could be a problem. Kids today are so sexualized young, they don't have a chance to be kids. When there is an age difference, a Mrs. Robinson kind of thing, there is often an imbalance of power. A lot of kids try to be sexy and don't really understand it all. So I would be upset if older women were leering at my younger son, who is now 16. He has a very deep voice and people often think he is older than he really is if they speak to him on the phone. 15-16 is really still too young for an adult to initiate a relationship that is not exploitive.
My ex husband's boyfriend was flirting with my older son when he was 13. The guy was 50. He sent him cutesy emails, which were suggestive but not outright pornographic. I complained to my ex, who told me I was being homophobic and vindictive. I showed the correspondence to the pediatrician, a guidance counselor, and several therapists. All agreed that if you put this correspondence in the light of different combinations (man/girl, man/boy, woman/boy, woman/girl) it was just totally inappropriate. So much for homophobia.
Of course no one would ever actually say this to my ex or to my kid because they were afraid my ex would sue them. So all the outrage and troublemaking was up to me. And I am proud to say, I am VERY troublesome. You just do not mess with my son. Period.
Today my son is 22, engaged to be married, and in full charge of his own adult sexuality on his own terms. He got the chance to grow up and know himself and others, and no one got the chance to exploit him sexually for their own fleeting adult gratification. That is because his mama is MEAN!
And I am also proud that he is a gentleman who treats his fiance better than he treats his mother, which is how I raised him!
BTW, when he was 19 he did thank me for being so "unreasonable" about his dad;s boyfriend. He didn't want to acknowledge what could have happened at the time, but as he grew older, he realized what the pattern had been and what it was leading up to.
Sometimes there is an assumption that if you are a single mom, your kids are fair game. Not in my house! Beware of the mean mama!
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just kidding.....
Oggling by accident
Mama's going to be in deep trouble then... 
Sometimes one is put into a situation, one never intented of been in the first place
