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View Poll Results: Is a parent obligated-- do they HAVE to pay for son's college?
Yes -a parent is responsible for these costs as much as possible 29 17.68%
No- It would be nice if they helped but not mandatory 135 82.32%
Voters: 164. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 04-12-2010, 12:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean2026 View Post

One again the basic question Is it all about him? Are parents OBLIGATED to pay for college? Should a parent's goal or opportunity have any value or should a child be able to veto it and not help?
No, the child does not get to veto... most he can have is an opinion. And who cares about that when he's not holding the checkbook.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean2026 View Post
Hypnosis after you answer "no excuses" about which planet you live on -please read the entire thread before coming at the last page.

Let me reinterate and amplify

He was already accepted at the best public univ in our state,
I invested to where I had more than enough for all four years of college but a recession, combined with a hurricane ( wiped out our buyer) and an odd FAA ruling (canceling a sale) all at one time go it to where I can still help with college but want it appreciated. I can't help as much as I could before the recession but I can make a big dent and still do a venture that came up for me where I will be paid back for what I put in - I need his help not his judgment.

Had I invested in a savings acct over the years - the inflation would have made the net worth less than the savings interest. Hindsight is great -even from some who seem a bit blind lol.

One again the basic question Is it all about him? Are parents OBLIGATED to pay for college? Should a parent's goal or opportunity have any value or should a child be able to veto it and not help?

While we all know parents are not legally obligated to pay for a childs college education (and therefore many won't), I do think there is a MORAL obligation to do the best you can to help your child however you can.

For some people that might mean they can only afford to help pay for books. For other people it might mean they can provide the child a car to drive back and forth to class in. Others who are more financially stable can provide more assistance, and usually do.

Hate to say it, but I've only ever seen parents who can't truly spare the money claim they shouldn't have to - seems to alleviate some guilt for them or something. But again, as long as a parent is offering support at a level they can afford, the child should be grateful and the parent should be guilt-free.
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Old 04-12-2010, 05:16 AM
 
Location: :~)
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I definitely understand your concerns but children must know the truth, especially if it won't kill them. My kids know that I do not have secret Swiss account, let alone a secret account. I told them I cannot afford it, but there are several options, such as they can live at home while attending college. Reality is reality. Matter of fact, my oldest is about to finish High School and she plans to attend college. Right now, she is considering options. Room and board actually saves her ALOT of money so that is helping.
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:19 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean2026 View Post
Once again the basic question Is it all about him? Are parents OBLIGATED to pay for college? Should a parent's goal or opportunity have any value or should a child be able to veto it and not help?
One thing a parent is obligated to do, is to teach a sense of responsibility to their children. Because your son doesn't want that responsibility, he is EXPECTING you to shoulder it. College is a choice. Period. It is not mandatory. Your financial OBLIGATION to him ends when he turns 18. Bending to suit his laziness, you are telling him that he doesn't have to grow up to go to college, he merely has to guilt you into allowing him to go to college and play with his friends. Maybe he's afraid of growing up. If he has never had a job, or responsibilities, maybe he's afraid of having to become a man and shoulder his own load.

Of course it's nice to keep handing out money to children into their adulthoods, but do him a favor; expect more from him. It is HIS future. He will only put into it what you don't. The more HE puts in, the more vested he is in his own future, the more he gets out of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Hate to say it, but I've only ever seen parents who can't truly spare the money claim they shouldn't have to - seems to alleviate some guilt for them or something. But again, as long as a parent is offering support at a level they can afford, the child should be grateful and the parent should be guilt-free.
Hogwash.

Because a parent expects their offspring to grow up and take responsibility doesn't mean they are trying to alleviate guilt. There is nothing for a parent to feel guilty about by expecting their adult offspring to grow up. If a person has millions, he still isn't obligated to fund the future of their kids.

Kids are not entitled to their parents earnings. They are taken care of up until they are adults, then they should be making their own way. A parent does them no favors by funding them into adulthood. The more a parent funds, the lazier the offspring become. Hard work to EARN what they get is always the best way to go, no matter how much money the parent has.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:05 AM
 
14,349 posts, read 14,161,665 times
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Hogwash.

Because a parent expects their offspring to grow up and take responsibility doesn't mean they are trying to alleviate guilt. There is nothing for a parent to feel guilty about by expecting their adult offspring to grow up. If a person has millions, he still isn't obligated to fund the future of their kids.

Kids are not entitled to their parents earnings. They are taken care of up until they are adults, then they should be making their own way. A parent does them no favors by funding them into adulthood. The more a parent funds, the lazier the offspring become. Hard work to EARN what they get is always the best way to go, no matter how much money the parent has.

.................................................. ...............................................

I don't want to put words into your mouth, so I'll try and be careful. I'll start with the following premises:

1. Parents aren't obligated to pay for college for their children.
2. Many parents can't afford to pay the high cost of college tuition.
3. Every student should at least pay a portion of the cost of college.
4. Learning work skills is an important ingredient of future success.
5. Community college is a good option for some.
6. High school concurrent college enrollment credits and AP classes can give a student a huge headstart towards graduating from college.

All that, I completely agree with. The problem is that all these are true as well:

1. Very few eighteen year olds could pay for college on their own with the cost of tuition being what it is today.
2. Many students will never complete college without some parental support.
3. Scholarships are not an option for perhaps 90% of college-qualified high school students.
4. US Government statistics have repeatedly shown that income (and future success in life) are highly correlated with post high school education.
5. People with the least education are the least employable and first to be laid off in a recession.
6. College is becoming less and less attainable for lower and middle income people because of skyrocketting tuition costs (an issue that few want to address--even with state supported schools).

DW and I would be working at a factory or at Walmart without our college degrees (that our parents largely paid for). Because we are both in professions we earn a hefty income--and pay hefty income taxes. I would submit that all taxpayers and citizens of this country have benefitted because the two of us have paid hefty taxes for the last 20 years. Our education was less a drain than an investment that paid dividends to not only ourselves, but to all the people in this country.

That's the way we ought to look at education in this country. Its an investment. Sometimes, I think people are so narrow they fail to see the forest for the trees. A little bit of money up front can sometimes prevent alot of hardship down the road.

I will not speak for other parents. However, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night--in my financial situation--if I didn't help my kids get the same advantages I got in life. Fair is fair and right is right.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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Quote:
However, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night--in my financial situation--if I didn't help my kids get the same advantages I got in life. Fair is fair and right is right.
I'd lose more sleep over having a child that felt that entitled. I wouldn't lose any sleep at all about not being able to foot the bill for college in the OP's circumstance. If he wants it bad enough, there are still ways to get it. If he starts off doing that, and my circumstances were to change, I'd most likely take another look at helping. He'd have to show me how important it was for him first...on a consistent and continued basis..I like the idea of reimbursing after the class is passed. But again, depends on financial circumstances. I think MOST parents on here are willing to help out to an extent but the child needs to step up also - it doesn't sound like the OP's son has any interest in his own education other than "guilting" his father into something he can't afford. That's a very sad situation and who's paying for college is the least of the problems.

Last edited by maciesmom; 04-12-2010 at 09:02 AM..
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:08 AM
 
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The ones who do there darndest to make parents feel guilty who can't afford to foot their kids entire college bills are the financial planning firms and the ads they run on tv.

They will show parents in anguish over paying their mortgage and worrying about being laid off. They then show the parents in anguish over paying for their kids' college cost and inply that all of them are equal concerns /responsibilities.

Pay as much as you want ( all,some,or none) but don't feel guilty regardless of what you do.

Also ,posters keep using the word "child" when describing college students.

From a biolgical term,that is correct.
From a legal term, every person who turns 18 is a legal adult in the US.
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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I think in some cases, people are using the word child more to describe the relationship. I struggled with that also but in the end it was the word I used....no matter your age or legal status, child still describes your relationship to your parents.
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:33 AM
 
1,106 posts, read 3,524,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean2026 View Post
My son is great in many ways - good student - doesn't get in trouble - no drug issues etc but he always thinks only of himself. "How does this affect me?" is what he thinks whenever something is asked of me.

He lives with me his dad and I've supported him without child support and is now almost 18.

I've said I will help him with college and I will, but the recession has hit me hard and I'm scraping by. I also have a daughter and dog (lol) to support.

The problem is he claims I HAVE to pay for his college (aside from grants and loans) According to him -All his friends families are paying there children's and its expected... and sadly not appreciated. He may be correct in that the kids he hangs with at school are probably upper income two parent households and sure they can pay. I work for myself.

My feelings as a parent are hurt deeply by this attitude. Any plans or goals I have for myself and ridiculed by him because they could interfere with him.

I just wonder - I'm older and perhaps just out of touch. Kids often had to work for their parents to earn money for school - have attitudes changed that much?
A child should not be telling the parent what HAS to happen in any instance. That would honestly make me not pay for his college. My wife and I come from families that didn't go to college (my mom dropped out in the 8th grade) and we are further in life finacially and retirement wise in our twenties while they are in their late fourties. We didn't get any help paying for school and we made it. One of us has a Ph.D and the other a Masters, all on our own.

Now my wife and I differ in one thinga and that is saving money for my DD college. I want to put the money in accounts meant for our retirement that we could use for my DD's college if we choose to. My wife wants an account that only my DD can access for college. I want to plan for my retirement and don't want to need the money in the future and not have access to it. I also want my DD to pay for her own education and I will help with the car, food, and whatever but I want some of it on my DD's shoulders. I don't mind paying off the loans once she is finished with college but I don't want her to know that. I have memories all too fresh in my head of friends who abused their parents generosity and money.
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:33 AM
 
Location: NJ
17,574 posts, read 46,030,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hypnosis View Post
they should, if they plan to have a child, they better plan for the child to go to college so they better save money or do not become a parent
Good to start off the day with a laugh. Thanks.
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