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My son is great in many ways - good student - doesn't get in trouble - no drug issues etc but he always thinks only of himself. "How does this affect me?" is what he thinks whenever something is asked of me.
He lives with me his dad and I've supported him without child support and is now almost 18.
I've said I will help him with college and I will, but the recession has hit me hard and I'm scraping by. I also have a daughter and dog (lol) to support.
The problem is he claims I HAVE to pay for his college (aside from grants and loans) According to him -All his friends families are paying there children's and its expected... and sadly not appreciated. He may be correct in that the kids he hangs with at school are probably upper income two parent households and sure they can pay. I work for myself.
My feelings as a parent are hurt deeply by this attitude. Any plans or goals I have for myself and ridiculed by him because they could interfere with him.
I just wonder - I'm older and perhaps just out of touch. Kids often had to work for their parents to earn money for school - have attitudes changed that much?
Im 23 years old and my parents havent paid for my college. Ive WORKED for it. Your son needs a reality check. He'll appreciate the education more in the long run if he has to bust his butt to get it. He'll learn to manage his money, time, and a myriad of other lessons..
The entitlement thing in people really irritates me..
I'm thinking this discussion should have come up before he was nearly 18. Had the discussion come up say when he was 14-15 he could at least have planned, had a job to start saving for college, etc... .
For a young adult tell a parent the parent HAS to do something is telling about the way he has been raised and an expectation that he is entitled, IMO.
That said, no parent "must" pay for college; nice yes, mandatory, no.
If his college is close to home, I would let him continue to live with me 100% free. He would go to school and have a job, even if he had to work full time and go to school part time. If I had some extra money here and there I would buy some books or pay for some gas. I would think free rent and food would be a big help.
College is your son's choice. It's his responsibility to pay for it. For some reason kids today think it should be paid for them, but they are legal adults making life choices by college age and should begin taking the adult responsibilities.
In my opinion parents are not obligated to pay, and not all parents do pay. Maybe he will qualify for more financial aid because of your financial situation, and it will even out to what his friends parents are doing!
I used to work in financial aid, and there were parents who would not even supply their financial information for the financial aid paperwork (this was not common, but it did happen).
Also, my kids are not college age yet, however, if they said I was obligated to pay, I would be a bit worried about their attitude (unless it's just "so and so parents are", which I have started hearing often lately from my 10 year old!).
Last edited by Reneeme; 04-06-2010 at 08:50 PM..
Reason: mistake
You're the parent. It is in your initiative to care for the child. You should have thought of this 18 years ago when you had him and started a savings account specifically for his college funds.
It's probably the biggest transition in anyone's life, especially if they start right after high school, which is starting to become the norm.
He can apply for financial aid, but try to be more prepared for your daughter.
I'm thinking this discussion should have come up before he was nearly 18. Had the discussion come up say when he was 14-15 he could at least have planned, had a job to start saving for college, etc....
When the boy was 14-15, the father hadn't anticipated that there would be a recession that would change everything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzyQ123
If his college is close to home, I would let him continue to live with me 100% free. He would go to school and have a job, even if he had to work full time and go to school part time. If I had some extra money here and there I would buy some books or pay for some gas. I would think free rent and food would be a big help.
That would be ideal, except the OP's son is ridiculing his father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean2026
I've said I will help him with college and I will, but the recession has hit me hard and I'm scraping by.
His friends in the upper middle class school district aren't representative of the entire college student population.With the recession, I think more and more children will be working their way through college. Your son will realize this when he goes to live at college and sees how most of the students are supporting themselves and pinching pennies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean2026
Any plans or goals I have for myself and ridiculed by him because they could interfere with him.
I highly recommend sending your son away to live in a dorm (loans, grants, scholarships and his hard work paying for it).
You don't need him living at home and insulting you daily about what you do with your money.
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