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Old 04-11-2010, 05:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sandycat View Post
.... I'm going to chop your neck, you're not my friend, I'm going to put fire on you, I don't like you.... mostly the standard things, but the chopping and fire is starting to worry me. I'm not sure where he got it from, he's always been a high spirited person and is often sweet and loving, but when things don't go his way, he gets very difficult and his anger level is getting higher and higher. I used to ignore it, but it's starting to bother me. Should I be worried? I told my husband (and I was very upset when I said it), that he's going to turn 13 and murder me. Do all little boys go through this phase, because I feel like I'm the only one with the high needs, sometimes aggressive boy, and I'm so frustrated!
It depends on why and how he's saying those things but if it's in anger, you need to get the upper hand. He may be testing you to see if you're worthy of any respect, so the decision is all yours.

Kids will say things though -- they may not really have a deep understanding of what they're saying because they're too young to know. He might not really know what fire is and can do.

You can try playing - pretend he has fire, let him put it on you and pretend to be burning up and in agony. See what he does if you beg for him to put the fire out. Or pretend to chop his neck first. If he says he doesn't like you, just tell him "But I really LOVE you".

3 is the age they just start to imagine and wonder about things, so he may just be exploring these concepts without knowing what they are.
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:00 PM
 
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You know what strikes me is the syntax. It's off. Are these his exact words:

I'm going to chop your neck and I'm going to put fire on you,

Or are these your summaries of them? If these are your words, ignore this. But if these are the exact phrases your kid is using, I would say there's a minor developmental issue there. Minor, but there nonetheless. Like he has a thought in his head but it gets a little fragmented or jumbled up before it reaches his tongue. And likely that happened with whatever thought immediately preceded these thoughts got equally jumbled up. And it frustrates him so he gets angry, but he can't express his anger or frustration and that makes him even more angry.

I would at least take him to a psychologist or similar professional to talk about the issues. If it turns out to be nothing, at least you've ruled those things out, and perhaps the professional can give you some ideas of how to deal with the situation.
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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He's three. He has no clue what half the words he's saying mean. He's parroting something he's heard on TV or in daycare. You need to guide and correct him to speak with the right words to properly express himself. Would your rather teach him how to do so or leave it up to the TV? You should not just let it go and label it as a "phase". You need to set appropriate boundaries for him. He's looking for that at that age. It might not bother you but it will bother others and may get him in trouble down the road.
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:31 PM
 
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my son is about to turn 4 and he talks about guns and swords and fighting a lot. enough that it upsets me and has me visualizing things i dont even want to contemplate. at the same time i honesty dont think he equates them with actually hurting someone because he is very sensitive to those around him.
if he sees someone crying or sad, he immediately wants to go to them and ask if the are ok. i have seen him wipe someone's tears.
he saw a man fall once and he screamed he was so scared. so i cant imagine that hurting anyone would give him pleasure. and STILL i now have to limit and really watch what he is watching and playing. we dont have cable so it's mostly dvds. but even disney movies are not as sweet as you would think.
i, like you, hope it's just a boy thing and or a phase, but i realize that if i am not very careful with explaining and watching, it could possibly become something worse.
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Old 04-11-2010, 06:31 PM
 
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Thanks everyone! Today was a good day, he only said he didn't like me once, and no chopping or fire talk. I am going to continue to try to talk more gently and to be sure to watch my language and exposure around him. He's a perceptive, sensitive person. But I will mention it next time I'm at the peds, if it continues.
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Old 04-12-2010, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,117 posts, read 63,519,992 times
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I wouldn't worry too much about it yet, but I would tell him that "In our family we don't talk to people like that, because it's not polite." It's not too early to demand respect and clearly let him know you expect him to have self control.
In a year or so, you might consider a tae kwon do class for your son. It channels aggression and instills self control in little boys.
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Old 04-12-2010, 06:20 AM
 
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I agree that it's best to tell him that we don't talk like that in our family, it's not polite. Say it in a monotone voice. Never let him get a rise out of you.

Get him into Karate as soon as he's old enough. Karate is great for redirecting anger in a positive manner. It teaches children self control and provides much needed confidence.
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:03 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,680,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by auntieannie68 View Post
he is getting those ideas from somewhere---monitor his game playing,tv watching when he is with you and as much as you could when he is at friends or relatives homes---most of all even at this young age something is making him angry and frustrated----try talking to him in a quiet space,just you and he alone----he is NOT pulling these things out of the air---
Yeah, smother him. That will solve the problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Well good grief, that could be part of the problem Sandy - quit watching the news with him in he room!! Do you not realize how much violence he is hearing about when you do that??

Honestly, my kids weren't exposed to that kind of crap until they were much older when we could discuss things they might hear and be worried about. Right now he is hearing and learning too much info that he has no other way to process than by what he is doing.

Since he tends to be an aggressive child anyway, you need to limit this exposesure immediately.
Are you kidding? Kids who grow up listening to the news are so much more well rounded and interested in the world than those who don't. There is NOTHING wrong with kids listening to the news. NOTHING.

How horrible it would be if we ALL wrapped our kids in cotton and protected them from everything and everybody, then turn them out into the cruel, violent world at 18. Oh, but those parents keep their kids wrapped in cotton until what, 30 or so? Then the kid goes out, has a meltdown and goes off the deep end.

It's our job to protect, but to OVER protect is just plain wrong.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kodaka View Post
I would at least take him to a psychologist or similar professional to talk about the issues. If it turns out to be nothing, at least you've ruled those things out, and perhaps the professional can give you some ideas of how to deal with the situation.
Why does being normal always mean therapy is needed to some people?
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Old 04-12-2010, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
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My friend's son was like this. When I first met him he was going to be going to kindergarten at the same school as my daughter, who was the same age, and when I said that to him, his response was "I could kill your daughter." He just kept playing with whatever he was playing with after he said that--it was so casual (but he did look up at me when I replied "and then I would kill you"). By second grade he told his teacher that he was going to slit her throat. His parents sent him to a school that dealt with behaviorial problems, and he got involved with things like wrestling to focus his bad-ass attitude on. He returned to our school for high school, but still, after Virginia Tech happened, my daughter said, "if that ever happens at our school, it will be <Kid's name> who does it." He would apparently walk through the halls at the high school holding an invisible weapon and stalking people.

Anyway, they all graduated last year without incident, and he's in the Marines now.
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Old 04-12-2010, 04:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Why does being normal always mean therapy is needed to some people?
You didn't read, did you?
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