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Old 04-16-2010, 01:43 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Again, there is lots of grey between being "entitled" and being completely self sufficient by 18 or 20 or whatever. My DD is 19, in college full time (on an academic scholarship and taking out loans - that covers her tuition/books), working 2 jobs (which cover food and some of her living expenses); we are paying her rent, cell phone and insurance (car and health). She is grateful for any help. She works hard and does not feel entitled to anything we are able to help with, nor do I feel we are "enabling" her to a life of feeling she can mooch off us as long as possible. I just hope she can find a job once she graduates. A job in her field would be great but any job will be needed because those student loans do actually come due.

Exactly.

It is ENTIRELY possible to have your 18, 19, 20 ect year old living in your home completely free of any entitlement mentality.

I too deplore brats and those with any sort of entitlement mentality
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Old 04-16-2010, 01:52 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,680,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
no, I mean how would YOU the parent "prepare" your child to be ready to be "well established" by the time they are 18-20, and what if they aren't ready?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsySoul22 View Post
I'm glad you're not my parent. I have one son who we cannot afford to spoil (we don't want to, either) but you sound like a tight (cheap) person. I love your unrealistic bragging. I guess you have super kids...not normal ones...Everyone has flaws. Most kids WANT items and don't want to work for them. Admit it, be honest, they whine a little when asked to do chores or homework. It's okay to be normal.
You don't need to judge my parenting. The way you raise your kids doesn't matter to me and I'm sure you're doing the best you know how. I was asked a question and I answered. Had nothing to do with you.
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Old 04-16-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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Like I said, NoExcuses, I agree with not just handing kids stuff..too many kids are damn spoiled and get devices and toys because their parents are guilty or whatever.
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Old 04-16-2010, 05:51 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
15,994 posts, read 20,986,750 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
That's true, however, the difference is how each child is raised. Raise them to be dependent on the parent and they will be, for a long, long time. Raise them to be independent and they will be, right on time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
What I AM saying is that the way kids are raised is what determines how they go out of the house when they become adults.
I wish it were that simple.
I have one child that called at the end of the first year of college to tell me he'd only be coming home for holidays now, and another one who called at the end of her first year asking to come back home because she was struggling and not doing very well with independence. They are only a few years apart, and raised by the same parents with the same rules and expectations while growing up.They both did leave to go to college, as was expected of them, with two very different results. There were other things coming into play besides the way in which they were raised, or the expectations their parents had of them.
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Old 04-16-2010, 08:41 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
I wish it were that simple.
I have one child that called at the end of the first year of college to tell me he'd only be coming home for holidays now, and another one who called at the end of her first year asking to come back home because she was struggling and not doing very well with independence. They are only a few years apart, and raised by the same parents with the same rules and expectations while growing up.They both did leave to go to college, as was expected of them, with two very different results. There were other things coming into play besides the way in which they were raised, or the expectations their parents had of them.

Having a "one size fits all" policy isn't very practical or successful with kids
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Old 04-17-2010, 01:41 AM
 
Location: California
37,081 posts, read 42,050,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kodaka View Post
Perhaps these suggestions have come from people who have actually moved out and supported themselves--and gone to college, and thus know it is possible.

You can't really appreciate the good things in life unless you've had to work hard for them. Going through that rite of passage after high school means having a herd of other teenagers going through the same thing. It makes the experience almost fun--and definitely memorable. Living at home just postpones that experience, and by then, everyone else will have moved on so it is a very lonely experience.
Not surprisingly, all of my sons friends still live at home too. They are all 19 and their situation is just like ours. I expect that when they finish up at community college some will decided to strike out together, some may go off to a 4 year college, some may stay home even longer while starting their careers.

Like I mentioned before, my brother lived at home until his late 20's at which time he had a nice career and was able to buy his own house. He got along with our parents and had a life of his own so where was the harm? There wasn't any. Not one bit. The entire thing was a positive for everyone. Multigenerational living can be a great thing if everyone has the same goals. There is no need to be spending money unnecessarily on seperate homes and whatnot if there is no real reason to. Most kids will want to leave early, and if they can swing it then good on them. Others don't want to and that's ok too.
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Old 10-13-2016, 09:18 PM
 
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I think it depends on the age. My daughter lives at home, she's 23, but she is still attending college and working to pay for it all herself. While we would like to remodel our home we would never kick her out and it's not really a huge issue as we have two younger boys and she helps around the house and with money when she can.
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Old 10-13-2016, 09:34 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,692,671 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
You start when they are little and teach them to think and behave independently and responsibly, giving them more and more responsibility for themselves and others as they grow. Never give them everything they want, allow them to go without frills (video games, electronics, name brand clothing) except for Christmas or birthdays, then don't go overboard. No matter how much money you have, the kids did not earn it, you did. Kids should grow up learning how to earn. There should be no sense of entitlement.

We could give our kids a whole lot more, but then, what would they learn? They always earned what they wanted above necessities and resonable gifts for holidays. They have always been very happy, well adjusted and competent.
I think it's a myth that giving kids lots of "stuff" turns them into a maladjusted person. I've known plenty of maladjusted people who were given nothing when they were growing up. And conversely, I've known rich kids who were handed everything on a silver platter and they are extremely well-adjusted with a good head on their shoulders. I am not sure why people turn out the way they do; but I feel it has very little to do with having "stuff" or not having it.
One of the worst entitlement mentalities I've ever seen was in a guy who grew up dirt poor. Grew up in a shack (literally, the walls of the home he grew up in were made of cardboard). By the time he got to college, he expected people to hand him things, give him money, etc. and he'd get mad if they didn't.
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Old 10-14-2016, 12:16 AM
 
1,177 posts, read 1,127,010 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
Eighteen or nineteen. By the time an adult is 20, they should already be well established on their own.
This, but dorming or with roommates if they can't afford it. Your 20s are a time to be on your own and make mistakes. Basically, become your own person. I don't think you can do that or experience life while still living under your parents roof. I had a coworker when I used to temp. She was like in her late 20s. She lived with her grandmother. She paid like no bills. Nothing. Her grandmother paid everything. I haven't seen her in over three years. I don't know how she ended up, but when she does start paying her own bills she's in for a big surprise.
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Old 10-14-2016, 08:29 AM
 
170 posts, read 192,126 times
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I moved out when I was 23 but I paid rent to my parents as soon as I got my first job (was in college, workign while living with them) at about 19. I think defiently before age 25. These days kids tend to stay past 30 in a lot of cases and its really troubling IMO.

One of my friends lived with her parents until she was 30 - she didnt pay for rent or groceries or anything. Her mom would even do her laundry and clean. So she had like no responsibilities outside of her job. Once she did move out, she was and still is completely overwhelmed with life. I don't imagine her to ever have kids or even a pet because she finds just taking care of her needs is too much to handle.
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