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Old 04-16-2010, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,927,442 times
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I personally think it depends on the child, their maturity, and the efforts they are making. And what their goals are.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
2,058 posts, read 3,294,965 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Why do you feel bad for their parents? Guess who raised them to be that way? It is pathetic if that's all they are doing but that is their problem...
True.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:01 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,674,825 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thatsong64 View Post
In the last 5 years I've gotten 3 different jobs. None were from relatives. I'm not saying the job market is or has been awesome, I'm just saying that you have to try. And honestly, lower your expectations if the thing you're trying now aren't working. Not just say "the job market is bad, Im going to get mommy take care of me for a little longer". If a person has someone willing to clean for them, make thier meals, pay their bills, etc- there's not much incentive to move out and take care of themselves. If you dont value independence much, or you value it less that the sweet deal I described above then...

I'd also like to make clear that I'm not some 50 year old strict mother that wants her kids to go work at the salt mines or some equally silly movie stereotype. I'm 23. I see people my age sitting around playing Halo and eating pizza on thier parent's dime and it's so pathetic. I feel so bad for thier parents. Even my friends who are a couple of years older that me with a child who's parents pay thier car insurance and cell phone bills. wtf? Why?
I guess they just want to take care of thier "baby" forever and ever (financially). *shrug* sorry I got kinda off-track, I just think it's all part of a whole cultural that's is kinda disgusting. Even if my mom was willing to do that, I would never take advantage of her like that.
Good job !!!

Some people equate wanting their grown children with them and dependent on them well into adulthood as being a good parent. Some make excuses for them, so what do you expect the offspring will do? Always make excuses for his failings.

An adult offspring can be raised to be independent AND still have good relationships with his/her parents. I realize there are people who don't understand that, but it's the truth.

When a parent gives and gives and gives it doesn't mean they are a good parent. The young need to learn what it's like to EARN things, like a roof over their heads and food on the table, and lights and heat and those cell phones they are so fond of.

There is no satisfaction for a young adult if the parent gives them everything they need for success. It has to come from inside and be earned.

Last edited by NoExcuses; 04-16-2010 at 10:12 AM..
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:04 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,035,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
I personally think it depends on the child, their maturity, and the efforts they are making. And what their goals are.
exactly. It is all about the effort. I just don't see the point in kicking out an a18 yo who is in college trying to do something productive with their lives. I also don't see what is so magical about the number 18. Some kids haven't even graduated from HS yet. I think easing them into it is more productive than cutting them off completely all at once.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,346,006 times
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It is tough to find a job these days - whether you are in school, hold a high school diploma, have trade experience or a college degree. You do have to look hard to find work - especially work that will give you enough hours/income to be self supporting. And even people who spend all their time looking don't always find something for quite some time. As a parent, I will help my child as best I can -if that means they need to live at home for awhile I have no problem with that. I would have a problem with my child "playing Halo and eating pizza" while living at home like a bum. But again, that is really a whole different problem...and one that didn't just start.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:09 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,674,825 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Wow. I don't think it is necessary to put your kids through hardship just to prove a point. There are other ways.
A free ride through life isn't the nicest thing you can do for your grown offspring. Hardship is something that teaches us how strong we are. It teaches us to appreciate what we have earned on our own and to take care of it.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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But I think there is a lot of grey area between allowing a 40 yo bum to live in your basement doing nothing and changing the locks on their 18th birthday.....
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:15 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,674,825 times
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I never said to throw them out. What I said was to PREPARE them so want to and are ready to move out at that time. Moving out on their own free will is what the goal should be.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:17 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,035,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
A free ride through life isn't the nicest thing you can do for your grown offspring. Hardship is something that teaches us how strong we are. It teaches us to appreciate what we have earned on our own and to take care of it.
letting your child live with you at age 18 is not a "free ride through life." It does not have to be so black and white. You can make them pay for their phone, car, insurance, whatever. That is not a free ride, but it can help them to graduate from college without mounds of debt and with their credit still intact.

I completely understand the value of a dollar and I always knew that getting a job and paying my own way was expected after I graduated from college. I didn't need to be kicked out at age 18 to learn that. I chose to move out later in college and I paid my rent. But I also knew I was welcome at home as long as I was in school. There is nothing wrong with that. i can't imagine making my child feel so unwelcome as to tell them they can't live with me at the age of 20 or whatever.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,346,006 times
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Of course that is what the goal should be - but when and how that happens is going to be different for everyone. Just because a grown child needs to move home after college for a few months to job search or if a recent HS grad doesn't have a job the week they graduated from high school doesn't mean they haven't looked or that they are unprepared for life or that they don't want to move out.
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