Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-17-2010, 12:08 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,498,975 times
Reputation: 9174

Advertisements

It's unfortunate, I know it can be frustrating. But how is this the "system"? You haven't mentioned going to court for custody or how she ended up with custody to begin with. Those kids are far too young to make fair decisions for themselves. A 4 year old certainly cannot grasp the realities of what is best for him/her.

I would suggest hiring a lawyer. Having a bigger house and more money is not reason enough to remove them from their mothers custody. You'd have to show that the environment they are in is detrimental to them.

At the very least you could be awared shared custody if you can't prove she is unfit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-17-2010, 09:07 AM
 
3,644 posts, read 10,911,316 times
Reputation: 5514
You give her child support and she gets her nails done and buys alcohol with it? Does that mean that she is spending all of HER and HER BOYFRIEND'S money on putting a roof over YOUR children's head, food in their tummies, heat, beds, school supplies, underwear, laundry soap, toothpaste, etc?

I hear this kind of thing from men all the time. They all seem to think that the $400/month they pay in child support for THREE children is ridiculous, especially when they then have to buy a $40 coat once a year or a $20 pair of shoes once in a lifetime.

We met a couple while living in Colorado... smartest woman I ever met. Her ex was paying $750 a month in child support for her three kids. Everytime they went to visit their dad, they did something fun. She and her dh couldn't afford amusement parks, but her a**h*le ex had the kids convinced that because mom spent $50/month on her nails and $100 every other month on her hair, that she was somehow not entitled to child support. So she made him a deal. He could have custody of the older two (the youngest one was 7 and not as stupid as the older ones - 9 & 12), but she only had to pay what he had paid - $750 a month - nothing more.

Six months later, she and her dh had saved enough to take a Disney cruise with all three kids. The ex blew his top over that - he had begun ranting after the second month that $750 wasn't enough and he needed more. His dropped the kids back at her house, gave her back custody and told my friend that his new wife had threatened to leave him if he didn't give them back. He still ******* about child support to the kids, tells them it's "their" money.

Some people never learn.

And there's a reason CPS & the courts ignore calls about molestation. Most of the time, it's false complaints, made by non-custodial parents who also complain about child support.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2010, 09:52 AM
 
9 posts, read 11,770 times
Reputation: 24
Default Fathers that care

Actually I would have no problem with her getting that stuff done if my kids were getting what they needed. By the way I pay 8000 a year in support and 7000 in school tuition that she was suppose to pay half of with the child support by court order. I also have to pay for school clothes, Hot lunches, doctor visits, dentist and eye exams. This is not because I am required to by law but because i love my kids and don't want them to go without. So yeah I would trade places with her anytime she wanted too. I love my kids and would give anything for them. They want to live with us not because we take them places or buy them things but because we spend quality time with them. Like family camping trips, I take them fishing, play in the yard with them, Have family movie night. As far as the child molestation I didn't bring the allegations, we were concerned with some of the behavior my 4 year old was displaying and took him to a Dr who specializes in this field and it was her conclusion. Your right just having a bigger house or more money doesn't make us better. The structure , stability, and loving moral envirenment makes our home better. Your conclusions are exactly what I was talking about. Just because I'm a dad means that I'm no good and just want to get out of paying child support and my poor ex wife has it so bad. Grow up and open your eyes it's not the case. Sometimes the dad really does care about the well being of his children!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-17-2010, 11:00 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 3,058,440 times
Reputation: 1093
When my daughters father takes them for a visit he spends "lots of time and pays more attention to them" too. Of course, he only takes them on Spring Break, Christmas Break, and maybe 2 weeks in the summer...so he can do that. If they are there 7 or 12/14 days it really isn't demanding to spend a WHOLE day with them..doing "stuff". The rest of the time he spends with his other children and his GF doing the normal things fathers do. They have "Family Game Night" and go to the park and have long talks about how they are and what they are doing....but if he had to do it once a week ALL THE TIME it would be much different. He promised our 16 yr old all sorts of stuff if she would come live with him...mainly because he thought if he had 1 and I had 1 then he wouldn't have to pay child support anymore. The court thought better of that one and it really ticked off his gf because "that was the whole point, wasn't it?" Needless to say she has been there a year and has seen the real color of his stripes and exactly how much time he has for her when it is day after day, week after week.

The only thing I can say is it is really easy to be on the other side of the custody FROM EITHER SIDE and think "Gee she/he/they have it so much easier.."
OTOH if you have real proof of molestation then get that baby out of there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-18-2010, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,119 posts, read 83,961,306 times
Reputation: 114397
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
You give her child support and she gets her nails done and buys alcohol with it? Does that mean that she is spending all of HER and HER BOYFRIEND'S money on putting a roof over YOUR children's head, food in their tummies, heat, beds, school supplies, underwear, laundry soap, toothpaste, etc?

I hear this kind of thing from men all the time. They all seem to think that the $400/month they pay in child support for THREE children is ridiculous, especially when they then have to buy a $40 coat once a year or a $20 pair of shoes once in a lifetime.

We met a couple while living in Colorado... smartest woman I ever met. Her ex was paying $750 a month in child support for her three kids. Everytime they went to visit their dad, they did something fun. She and her dh couldn't afford amusement parks, but her a**h*le ex had the kids convinced that because mom spent $50/month on her nails and $100 every other month on her hair, that she was somehow not entitled to child support. So she made him a deal. He could have custody of the older two (the youngest one was 7 and not as stupid as the older ones - 9 & 12), but she only had to pay what he had paid - $750 a month - nothing more.

Six months later, she and her dh had saved enough to take a Disney cruise with all three kids. The ex blew his top over that - he had begun ranting after the second month that $750 wasn't enough and he needed more. His dropped the kids back at her house, gave her back custody and told my friend that his new wife had threatened to leave him if he didn't give them back. He still ******* about child support to the kids, tells them it's "their" money.

Some people never learn.

And there's a reason CPS & the courts ignore calls about molestation. Most of the time, it's false complaints, made by non-custodial parents who also complain about child support.
Great point. The solution is simple--the noncustodial parent has the right to ask for evidence that the support goes toward actual support of the kid(s). It might come as a shock that this includes housing, utilities, clothing, food, school expenses...

My ex actually had the nerve to ask one year if he couldn't claim our daughter as a dependent on HIS tax return for a change. He didn't think it was fair that I got to claim her every year. Meanwhile, he was paying me a whole $50 a week in child support, when he felt like it, which was the amount set at the time of our divorce when he was unemployed, even though his salary was now around $60k. I took him back to court for a modification when she was 16--they increased his child support based on our salaries, and of course what I ended up getting from him between then and the time she turned 18 was just about what the lawyer cost me.

But I never had to say anything to my daughter. She moved in with him for the summer after her hs graduation because he was closer to her friends and her job, and it wasn't long before she remarked, "I can't believe Daddy wouldn't pay child support all those years but he goes to a restaurant for dinner almost every night."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-18-2010, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,119 posts, read 83,961,306 times
Reputation: 114397
Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkr1982 View Post
Actually I would have no problem with her getting that stuff done if my kids were getting what they needed. By the way I pay 8000 a year in support and 7000 in school tuition that she was suppose to pay half of with the child support by court order. I also have to pay for school clothes, Hot lunches, doctor visits, dentist and eye exams. This is not because I am required to by law but because i love my kids and don't want them to go without. So yeah I would trade places with her anytime she wanted too. I love my kids and would give anything for them. They want to live with us not because we take them places or buy them things but because we spend quality time with them. Like family camping trips, I take them fishing, play in the yard with them, Have family movie night. As far as the child molestation I didn't bring the allegations, we were concerned with some of the behavior my 4 year old was displaying and took him to a Dr who specializes in this field and it was her conclusion. Your right just having a bigger house or more money doesn't make us better. The structure , stability, and loving moral envirenment makes our home better. Your conclusions are exactly what I was talking about. Just because I'm a dad means that I'm no good and just want to get out of paying child support and my poor ex wife has it so bad. Grow up and open your eyes it's not the case. Sometimes the dad really does care about the well being of his children!!!
Then as others have said, you should get a lawyer.

People aren't just making this stuff up because you are a dad and dads are automatically losers. It's just reality that there are far more deadbeat dads than deadbeat moms. Yes, the deadbeat moms do exist--my former SIL is one, and my brother was able to successfully take her to court (he arranged it so custody was given to his former MIL and he could pay the grandmother the support directly--the mother is a junkie.)

I know I read somewhere a few years ago that the percentage of fathers who don't pay their court-ordered child support in my state is 28%. That's a pretty big percentage.

And as the other poster pointed out, the courts hear accusations of molestation and drinking/drug use hurled back and forth all the time because the parents are concentrating on arguing with each other and not on the kids' wellbeing. Stick with the facts for which you have evidence to present a case and proceed from there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-18-2010, 10:38 AM
 
3,644 posts, read 10,911,316 times
Reputation: 5514
Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkr1982 View Post
Actually I would have no problem with her getting that stuff done if my kids were getting what they needed. By the way I pay 8000 a year in support and 7000 in school tuition that she was suppose to pay half of with the child support by court order. I also have to pay for school clothes, Hot lunches, doctor visits, dentist and eye exams. This is not because I am required to by law but because i love my kids and don't want them to go without. So yeah I would trade places with her anytime she wanted too. I love my kids and would give anything for them. They want to live with us not because we take them places or buy them things but because we spend quality time with them. Like family camping trips, I take them fishing, play in the yard with them, Have family movie night. As far as the child molestation I didn't bring the allegations, we were concerned with some of the behavior my 4 year old was displaying and took him to a Dr who specializes in this field and it was her conclusion. Your right just having a bigger house or more money doesn't make us better. The structure , stability, and loving moral envirenment makes our home better. Your conclusions are exactly what I was talking about. Just because I'm a dad means that I'm no good and just want to get out of paying child support and my poor ex wife has it so bad. Grow up and open your eyes it's not the case. Sometimes the dad really does care about the well being of his children!!!
Just what I thought. You pay less than $700 per month in child support... for THREE kids! That's less than my friend's deadbeat ex! And I'm sure such a loving father would be GLAD to cover the cost (twice a year) of their child's dental visits - or do you think THAT should also come out of the $667 dollars a month you pay in "support". Plus the annual (at most) eye exams. $30 per child per year, I'm guessing.

Do you have any idea how much FOOD costs? If your children are underweight and your ex isn't feeding them, I'd suggest that in addition to the custody battle, you sue the children's school & teachers for failing to report your children's emaciated state. Oh wait - you're paying for their school lunches, right? One of three meals a day? Puleez! Why not send in brown bag lunches everyday instead? They'd be better for them nutritionally anyway... but I'm sure that would inconvenience you more than just sending paying $20 a week does. Perhaps that too should come out of the $150/week you pay.

If you had custody, you'd still have to buy them school clothes. Are you aware of how much kid's clothing (especially uniforms) cost? For two kids, you're talking about at LEAST $500 for the beginning of the school year, then you add shoes and clothing that needs to be replaced and it's $$$$ every month, plus socks and underwear, belts, coats, sweaters, PE clothing, after school play clothes, pajamas, etc.

$7000 a year in tuition for THREE kids? The cheapest private school I've found around here is over $5k PER child. Daycare is another $150/week - the cost of care for your 4 year old is only $50 LESS per month than the child support you are supposed to pay.

Your child is seeing a doctor that was concerned about molestation? They are REQUIRED by law to report it... if they find any evidence - and not just physical evidence. If the doctor hasn't reported it yet, you should be seeking the removal of HER license to practice "medicine".

I am the child of a man who was still complaining about the child support he was ordered to pay (but didn't). He stopped complaining in my presence when I told him that his refusal to send mom that $35/week didn't stop her from partying. It didn't stop her and my stepdad from buying my younger sister a bike for her birthday or designer jeans. But my older sister and I went without. Sure, for the first couple of years he bought us winter coats, until he got tired of it. As I've told HIM... being a father isn't something you can do when it's CONVENIENT... it's something you do EVERYDAY... or not. I am so sick of excuses by "parents" who don't get that! My bio dad stopped complaining when I explained to him that he was in my life because I needed a father, but that he was the adult with all the choices. I was the child, suffering for them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top