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Old 04-13-2010, 07:21 PM
 
9 posts, read 11,776 times
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I am so frustrated with the system. Every thing is set up for the mother. My kids who are 8, 7, 4. want to come live with myself and their stepmom. I get so irritated because even though my 4 year old was molested by my ex-wifes brother because they lived with him and her mother I'm still fighting an up hill battle to get custody. How is it that its so hard to see that they are better off with us. We have a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house my ex wife now moved out of her mothers and now lives with her stepmom and dad and her stepbrother. This seems like common sense that they would be better cared for at our house. It drives me crazy that she spends their child support on going out boozin and getting her nails done yet I still have to buy shoes and coats so my kids don't have to go without. I asked my kids why they want to live with us and they said because we do things with them, we have movie night and take them to the park or fishing. We do the things that my parents did with me when I was little. I believe that just giving birth doesn't make you a mother. I would do anything for my kids and would give my life for them. I think that's how a good parent should think. Wake up legal system sometimes it should be what's best for the children not what's status quo.
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Old 04-13-2010, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
Reputation: 40197
Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkr1982 View Post
I am so frustrated with the system. Every thing is set up for the mother. My kids who are 8, 7, 4. want to come live with myself and their stepmom. I get so irritated because even though my 4 year old was molested by my ex-wifes brother because they lived with him and her mother I'm still fighting an up hill battle to get custody. How is it that its so hard to see that they are better off with us. We have a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house my ex wife now moved out of her mothers and now lives with her stepmom and dad and her stepbrother. This seems like common sense that they would be better cared for at our house. It drives me crazy that she spends their child support on going out boozin and getting her nails done yet I still have to buy shoes and coats so my kids don't have to go without. I asked my kids why they want to live with us and they said because we do things with them, we have movie night and take them to the park or fishing. We do the things that my parents did with me when I was little. I believe that just giving birth doesn't make you a mother. I would do anything for my kids and would give my life for them. I think that's how a good parent should think. Wake up legal system sometimes it should be what's best for the children not what's status quo.
You need a good lawyer - beg, borrow or steal the money to get one and save your kids.
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Old 04-13-2010, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,117 posts, read 63,506,690 times
Reputation: 92766
I know how frustrating this is for you. I've seen it happen in our family, too. This is the price you pay for an unfortunate choice of ex-wife. All I can tell you is that some day your children will be able to choose you if they want to. Until then, be there, be in their lives, and pay your child support.
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Old 04-13-2010, 11:07 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,515,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I know how frustrating this is for you. I've seen it happen in our family, too. This is the price you pay for an unfortunate choice of ex-wife. All I can tell you is that some day your children will be able to choose you if they want to. Until then, be there, be in their lives, and pay your child support.
Not if they're being molested. Then it's imperative to get the children into a safe environment.
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Old 04-14-2010, 07:43 AM
 
1,895 posts, read 3,406,111 times
Reputation: 819
there are lawyers out there that specialize in father's rights...if you need help finding one, pm me with your location, and i'll see if i can find a few for you!

if the kids well being are in danger, physically or mentally, there's no amount of money that should keep you from doing what you need to do.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:01 AM
 
5,938 posts, read 4,679,073 times
Reputation: 4630
Friend of mine had a kid, separated and the wife was awarded custody. She was mentally unstable and knew how to use/abuse the system to milk the father for a ton of money or less to grant him less custody.

The year the kid turned... 13?... I think she went to court with the father/mother and asked the judge to grant custody to the father to get her out of that loony bin. I have no idea if that is normal or at what age a kid can choose for him/herself. Sad situation regardless.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:31 AM
 
Location: square thing with a roof
894 posts, read 1,124,306 times
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A child can make the decision who they want to live with once they turn 12. If there are younger siblings, they'll also be allowed to live with the parent that the 12 year old selects, if they want to. They usually try to keep the children all together with one parent so that way the family life is less interrupted for the child.

My 1st husband had 2 kids from his previous marriage and they came to live with us right after we got married. The older one was 12 and the younger one was 8. The courts wanted to keep the kids together, and they asked the younger one if he wanted to live with his Dad too. of course, he said yes.

Their Mom was living with some guy, and having his baby. They didn't do anything with the kids and her boyfriend was mean to the kids.

If your child is being molested and you can prove it, all you need to do is go to Family Court with the paperwork (medical proof your child has been molested) and they will grant emergency custody to you while they conduct an investigation into the homelife at their Mothers.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:35 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 4,270,410 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clarkr1982 View Post
My kids who are 8, 7, 4. ------- I asked my kids why they want to live with us
I am all for father's rights, my own DH has primary custody. But I have to remark on this... It is totally unfair to put the child in the middle and ask them to choose between one parent over another. Even in teenage years, a child should not be placed in a situation where they, themselves essentially have to choose which parent they love "more". Another point to reconsider is the size differences in houses. The ability to have a large home does not equal a better living situation. In some cultures, it is quite normal to have several generations living in one home.

I would rethink your strategy from what the biomomma is doing wrong to what you and your current wife can offer the children.... and leave the children out of adult arguments.

If there is a history of abuse, I would get DSS involved and document everything. If the brother is a registered sex offender, I would file for emergency custody.

Good luck... My DH is proof that it can be done.
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Old 04-14-2010, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
Reputation: 40197
Quote:
Originally Posted by {geek} View Post
A child can make the decision who they want to live with once they turn 12. If there are younger siblings, they'll also be allowed to live with the parent that the 12 year old selects, if they want to. They usually try to keep the children all together with one parent so that way the family life is less interrupted for the child.

My 1st husband had 2 kids from his previous marriage and they came to live with us right after we got married. The older one was 12 and the younger one was 8. The courts wanted to keep the kids together, and they asked the younger one if he wanted to live with his Dad too. of course, he said yes.

Their Mom was living with some guy, and having his baby. They didn't do anything with the kids and her boyfriend was mean to the kids.

If your child is being molested and you can prove it, all you need to do is go to Family Court with the paperwork (medical proof your child has been molested) and they will grant emergency custody to you while they conduct an investigation into the homelife at their Mothers.

The age really depends on the state - in some places it is 16 for instance.
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Old 04-14-2010, 02:50 PM
 
Location: California
37,077 posts, read 42,043,953 times
Reputation: 34889
I don't know. It's hard to comment on one side of a strangers divorce and custody arrangement because the other side is almost always a boozing/drugging/child molesting/nogoodnick. And visa verse.
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