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Old 10-24-2012, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Bel Air, California
23,769 posts, read 28,915,352 times
Reputation: 37326

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I rember reading about a situation like this and as the daughter turned back to wave to her parents as she was walking off down the road she was ran over by a garbage truck and killed...kind of ironic when you think about it.
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Old 10-24-2012, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
2,449 posts, read 2,867,252 times
Reputation: 5918
I hear you and I can relate, though my older daughter was not bi polar. I moved 2,000 miles, to put her thru college after my dh died. She went thru a 2 yr college, took about a year off, then to a 4 year college. She was always mouthing off, never liked that I made her stay on campus but, I had one car, couldn't help her buy one at that time etc...she finally graduates, I co-sign for a car, and gave her an ultimatium (at this point she is 25) she finally comes home within a few weeks and says she signed a lease with friends, and off she goes. Was the best thing I could have done. She is now in the process of buying her first home, she has 2 jobs and is doing GREAT. I hope you can come to a decision and it works for all of you. I think your wife is spent, and I get that. I hope your daughter stays on her meds, and settles down soon. Best of luck.
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, Pa
1,436 posts, read 1,876,895 times
Reputation: 1631
She has no job and no money so she can't afford to move on her own. You'd have to pay for it if you want her out or she'd have to move with her boyfriend.

It seems as if she's disrespectful. No matter how old she is, she still lives in your house and to me that makes her a child. She's 25, you need to be firm with her and tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and if she wants to continue living here she needs to get a job right away.

She's really messing herself up.

Nobody is going to want to hire her with a history of getting fired for things like truancy.
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:12 AM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,256,775 times
Reputation: 26463
Throwing her out on a "whim" is cruel. Yes...it is time for her to go. Make a plan. Take her to voc rehab, work force services...you may have to take time off work for this. Get her enrolled wih an employment counselor.

Let her know...she needs a job, right now. Take her to Goodwill, they will hire her if she is working with voc rehab.

Sign her up for food stamps. Have her keep her food separate. She can only eat her food.

Talk about her moving out, look for rooms to rent on CL...give her two months of rent money. And let her know...moving home is not an option. Transition this in about two weeks. Plan a week off from work to do this. Don't expect her to, she won't.

After she moves, change all locks. That is pretty clear information that she no longer lives there. Re paint her room, move all stuff out, put in an office or whatever...just change it...no more bedroom.
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:40 AM
 
13,234 posts, read 9,852,524 times
Reputation: 14287
This is not regarding the OP specifically - OP I'm glad it's working out for you.

Having said that, I find it terribly scary that parents will consider sending their mentally ill adult children out into the world and cutting them off because they won't address their illness.

While I can't imagine how awfully draining and traumatic it must be for the parent, and while having the utmost sympathy for them, I think ultimately the parent should take some responsibility for doing the utmost to get the child treated, or to keep them from putting other people at risk, at the very least.

It's very hard, but should the child have the tendency to snap, it would be ultimately devastating should you get a call at some point informing you that they've just shot up a movie theater or something horrific like that.

At the very very least, the parents should be monitoring their kid's mental health status and be very aware lest they are in danger of hurting themselves or someone else.

If the person themselves cannot be responsible, then someone should.


Disclaimer: not saying that all people with mental health issues are capable of shooting up movie theaters. But obviously a few are, and if you have a kid that could lose it, you can't just let them go, for their sakes and ours, IMO.
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Old 10-26-2012, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,390 posts, read 11,563,143 times
Reputation: 7544
When we have kids we take the chance that one might be born dysfunctional. Bi polar is a serious mental illness, it's not to be taken lightly. I've know several people with this and they don't function well. Two have already committed suicide. One was a mother and killed herself on her daughters birthday.

Some people have a child with down syndrome or another physically impairing disability and know they will be caring for them into adulthood. It's part of being a parent. Sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes it doesn't end at 18, 25, or 40.

That said, you have a lot of good advice on here. Don't get to discouraged, and seek some counseling for you and your wife on how to deal with your child's illness. A support group would be good for you as a family. I know it's costly but hopefully you can find something reasonable so that you all can have a good outcome in the long run.

Get her off the pot. Addiction sucks so send her to anonymous meetings as a requirement for living there. That will make a huge difference, she may be trying to treat her own illness with street drugs a lot of people do this with bi polar.

Oh and it's your internet, turn it off, forget the job until she is off the pot and gets some help.

I know your tired, take breaks and talk to a support group asap. Good luck.
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Old 10-29-2012, 03:24 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,521,481 times
Reputation: 22472
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravencastle View Post
[SIZE=3]I am in a similar position at the moment with my almost-19-yr-old, who is tentatively diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, after 6 years of a bipolar diagnosis and every anti-psychotic on the market (but that’s a horror story for another forum). I’m a fully single mom (for the last 15 years), with a son who is 4 years younger. My daughter has had 3 part-time jobs since getting her GED when she was 17. She lives with precious few rules, because I can only enforce rules by throwing her out, when it comes down to it. For people who don’t know mental illness, this is a person who does not live in quite the reality we do, and could terribly easily end up living a life of prostitution, drug-addiction, whatever, or could commit suicide, which would not be entirely by her choice, as her choices aren’t based on reality. She has not, will not, learn to manage her illness, but has a very childish perception that other people are supposed to fix her problems, in part my own fault, but there is only so much you can do with someone who is willing to slice themselves up when they can’t cope. So, to the original poster, I want to know how things played out. I’m worn to the bone with my daughter, even though we don’t have the blow-ups and drama we once did, and I don’t want to end up with her living with me well into her 20’s. How did it go? Were you successful in getting her out? Did she manage to cope? I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Thanks. [/SIZE]
I know a family whose daughter was a paranoid schizophrenic which came on after she was away at college -- and started using marijuana.

The psychiatrist told them that the worst thing they could do for her is allow her to live at home - for one she was quite disruptive and they had younger children, but also it's important that even the mentally ill learn to cope as adults -- and living with parents forever doesn't help them cope as adults.

She lives in a group home and gets mental health treatments -- counseling and medications. She's able to work on and off, and she can go home for short visits -- per the psychiatrist but should never be treated like some permanent child. Even if a child is mentally ill, they need to learn to live without parents because at some point in their lives, the parents may become too old or ill to care for them, might even die. Then what?
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Kansas
25,719 posts, read 21,880,574 times
Reputation: 26321
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Ummm... she already DID move out!
Did you read the thread? On page two and again RIGHT ABOVE this, the OP stated the outcomes.
This post is TWO YEARS old!
Oops! But the situation and advice given by everyone responding is sort of timeless and I know for a fact that a lot of parents are going to identify with the OP, today, tomorrow and years from now. Always realize that many, many people come to a forum and are not comfortable enough to post their issues but seek out someone having similar issues and the posts are read thousands of times so its more than a couple people with similar issues. I use the "Search" feature all the time!
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Old 11-03-2012, 09:58 AM
 
Location: living in OKLA. heart in Alaska
236 posts, read 425,781 times
Reputation: 219
my 18 yr old son struck my wife I put him out of my house that day took him to the mission
and told him this is where ppl live who who abuse there families,he lived there 9 months got his GED, I let him move back in gave him a job now 6 months later he is getting put out again he just has this attitude that I owe him something.sounds like like your daughter has the same attitude...we do the best we can to raise them after there grown it's really not our job to suffer there bad choices.I refuse to enable him anymore
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Old 07-15-2014, 10:26 AM
 
12 posts, read 13,957 times
Reputation: 16
Military recruitment office sounds ideal as mentioned before.
My father took me there when I was showing signs of incompetence.
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