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Old 04-21-2010, 02:41 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,948,669 times
Reputation: 27090

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Quote:
Originally Posted by the3Ds View Post
Natalie Holloway is a perfect example of a girl who seemed responsible and how easily a responsible girl can get caught up in getting attention from a boy and what happens when alcohol gets involved. She made some dumb decisions, that's for sure...but she is certainly not alone and for every Natalie Holloway, there are other girls who get raped and plenty who somehow manage to make it home (or back to their hotel) in one piece.

I was always very lucky that I had a core group of friends who looked out for each other. We were like the Marines..."leave no one behind". Natalie wasn't any more stupid than any other girl who is young, drinking alcohol and getting attention from a cute boy who convinces her friends that she will be "just fine" if they leave her alone. I would suspect that there are more "friends" like Natalie's than friends like mine and unless you can say with 100% certainty that your kid's friends will all look out for each other and if there are chaperones, they aren't the kind of chaperone worried about looking "cool" or trying to be their kids friend (instead of being the responsible adult), I would encourage my child to look elsewhere for Spring Break ideas.

There are very few people who exhibit responsible behavior at Spring Break...the event itself is promoted as a time to let go and let off steam. "Girls Gone Wild" is a perfect example of the kind of atmosphere that encourages people to act without thinking, to get caught up in the wildness of Spring Break. When I lived in Florida, there were stories on the news nearly every night in March/April of people falling out of hotel windows, drowning on the beach, dying of alcohol poisoning, being killed in a drunk driving accident, pedestrians being mowed down by drunk drivers, the list goes on and on. It's easy to get caught up in the party atmosphere in Spring Break locations...even the so-called responsible kids end up doing some pretty dumb stuff.

And, if college kids are heading to Spring Break locations en masse, it's not inconceivable to imagine that every scummy, looking-for-trouble, sexual predator is heading there too...hoping to pick off a few people who are exhibiting irresponsible behavior and don't have friends looking out for them. Florida (as an example since there are a lot of Spring Break parties there) is a state absolutely bursting with sexual predators and the question is why WOULDN'T they head to Spring Break locations looking for trouble? Not every predator/criminal looks like one...and while they stay sober and alert, they are watching for those who are getting hammered and acting stupidly.
Excellent post and very good point and yes I used to live in Florida too and never a night went by without hearing a story about some spring breaker getting hammered and killed in some way or another . You are so right .
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 5,135,288 times
Reputation: 2371
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Excellent post and very good point and yes I used to live in Florida too and never a night went by without hearing a story about some spring breaker getting hammered and killed in some way or another . You are so right .
And how many of their parents would go on TV and say "Oh, Johnny was a straight A, pre-med student and would have never done anything like this" or "Jane was always so responsible...I just know she'd never run off willingly with a stranger." They just had a story on the news of a high school star-football player who went down to Florida for Spring Break and fell out of a hotel window and died. He was on his way to school with a full-ride scholarship and his parents acted shocked that he would throw it all away.

There are no guarantees in life...plenty of kids go down to Spring Break, act stupid and return to school with a nice tan and some funny photos for their My Space page. And I know that we can't always keep an eye on our kids.

But I would be hard-pressed to give my daughters the "OK" to head to a Spring Break destination because I've seen (and so have you) the results of what happens when you combine sun, alcohol, hormones, YouTube, criminal opportunists and a hyped-up atmosphere that encourages irresponsibility.

They might be adults in the legal sense, but 18-21 (college age) is still about as immature as you can get...their brains haven't developed into the long-term consequences part yet. I'd try and discourage them as best I could and I certainly wouldn't give them a dime to spend on going down there.
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
18,356 posts, read 31,432,361 times
Reputation: 27753
No, I did not let my sons go to Florida for spring break. They were really no that happy about my decision, but I really don't care. I am the parent and I do not have to justify myself.......

****I was a boy once, so trust me, they were not going****
**************but that's our little secret.....************

they got over it............................
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:47 PM
 
118 posts, read 137,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the3Ds View Post
They might be adults in the legal sense, but 18-21 (college age) is still about as immature as you can get...their brains haven't developed into the long-term consequences part yet. I'd try and discourage them as best I could and I certainly wouldn't give them a dime to spend on going down there.
While some children are just going to be more immature no matter what you do you largely get what you raise.... If you treat your teenager like a child, make sure his world is baby-proofed, and be the one to put the foot down on allowing him responsibility (like traveling) he will not suddenly snap into adulthood when he turns 18 and is no longer under your care. Instead he will transition into adulthood and make stupid decisions whereas if you allowed this to occur at 16-18 he'd at least have more of a sense of what works and what doesn't in the real world by the time he turns 18. Most people complain about perpetual adolescents, I think this is tied to parents trying to hold onto parenthood longer than they should.

As to the rest I read into your posts nothing more than bad **** sometimes happens. Natalie made a bad decision and unfortunately it went terribly wrong for her. Your goal as a parent shouldn't to be worry about everything that possibly could happen to your child, it's impossible. After all, bad **** happens to grown adults all the time too not just high-schoolers and college students on spring break.
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Old 04-21-2010, 05:18 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,361,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StefanProgovac View Post
Most people complain about perpetual adolescents, I think this is tied to parents trying to hold onto parenthood longer than they should.
When exactly is parenthood over.... I didn't realize there was a time to clock out. Just because you can't protect them from everything, doesn't mean you shouldn't protect them from what you can.

There is a BIG difference between "Spring Break" and summer camp and other traveling. Whoever hasn't actually experienced the enviorment around actual spring break locations really has NO idea. I don't care how good and responsible your kid is, just BEING in that environment is extremely dangerous. I often wonder how I survived.
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Old 04-21-2010, 06:16 PM
 
118 posts, read 137,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
When exactly is parenthood over.... I didn't realize there was a time to clock out. Just because you can't protect them from everything, doesn't mean you shouldn't protect them from what you can.
By 'parenthood' I mean acting like a guardian. A parent is always free to give guidance at any stage of the child's life.

Quote:
There is a BIG difference between "Spring Break" and summer camp and other traveling. Whoever hasn't actually experienced the enviorment around actual spring break locations really has NO idea. I don't care how good and responsible your kid is, just BEING in that environment is extremely dangerous. I often wonder how I survived.
Hey I was young once and spent considerable time in places like Miami, San Juan, and seen other spring break hot spots like Cancun. I know about the drinking, drugs, and sex that teenagers and 20-somethings do. Hey I did it all once and all in excess. I have no misconceptions, I don't expect my daughter to act like a catholic nun or my son like a gentleman on spring break. But they're going to have to take full responsibility sometime so giving them pieces, like traveling, driving a car, etc allows them to mature faster.

Anyways you exaggerate, as irresponsible as kids can be millions do the spring break thing and turn out fine.
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Old 04-21-2010, 07:04 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,421,472 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheapsk8 View Post
When I was a kid (aging myself now, LOL) on spring break all my freinds would head to Florida to party and drink and hang on the beach and do all the stuff that kids do.

Do you let your kids go on spring break and if so what are the stipulations, guidelines? I ask because all of the missing kids on CNN have prompted the conversation between my wife and myself. No way will we let her go alone. Its not that we don't trust her but its other people that I don't trust. We'll allow her to go on spring break but it will have to be with us. Last summer we went to Florida for a long weekend and took 2 of her freinds and they had a blast.

Thoughts?
By the time they have jobs that pay enough for a spring break vacation in addition to the clothes they want to buy, cars and the costs of running a car, tuition and books, video games, etc, they aren't kids any more and can do what they want.
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Old 04-21-2010, 07:13 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,421,472 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
hi does anyone remember the natalie holloway case ? there is no way I would let a child even that age out of my sight . the world is just too dangerous of a place not to have some sort of eye on your kid or someone else's . There is no way I would let spring break come along and my kid go by themselves somewhere .
If the parents paid for that wild spring break party for that girl, then the parents were idiots and can blame themselves partly for what happened.

Spring break parties have nothing to do with allowing children to grow up -- certainly not if the parents must fund the trip and the drinking and partying.

Allowing children to grow up means letting the child work. Most jobs they would have at 16-19 years of age means they work those days. They like the chance for extra money they can make during spring school vacation so they can buy a few things they really need.

By 19, if they're foolish to throw their hard-earned money away on a spring break party, then letting them grow up means no bailing them out when it comes time to pay the tuition or fill up their car with gas.
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Old 04-22-2010, 03:12 AM
 
118 posts, read 137,866 times
Reputation: 60
I agree it's stupid to pay for your child's spring break, they should get a job and pay for itself. And spring break itself isn't about growing up but rather allowing your children to make decisions and put themselves in adult situations is.

I don't agree with paying for a child's tuition either. They should get a job/pull loans, that really makes them value their education and reinforces why they are there in the first place. If you do decide to do it however, using the fact you're paying tuition as a tool to control their decisions is damn near the worst most stupid possible outcome. People wonder why all the immaturity, it's because 20-somethings still have their parents tell them when it's okay to **** and ****.
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Old 04-22-2010, 05:01 AM
 
20,793 posts, read 61,069,672 times
Reputation: 10691
Quote:
Originally Posted by StefanProgovac View Post
Well if he is still 18 and you're still paying his bills I guess it's "fair play" to black mail him into making the decisions you want by threatening to stop paying. You should keep in mind that you're prolonging his childhood both by controlling his decisions and by paying his bills. If my adult child ever fell on hard times I'd support them for a couple months until they bounced back on their feet-but I'd treat them as an adult, I wouldn't let them just move in and resume our old father-son/daughter relationship. I'd treat them as a good friend on hard times, and expect/require them to get out soon.

I was kicked out at 16 from my parent's home and while I made some terrible decisions right off the bat I learned from them and got my act together. By the time I was 18 I was better at making adult decisions than any of my peers who lived with their parents until 18. There is an adult in that 17 year old son of yours, he just has to be allowed to attempt things on his own, fail on his own, and learn on his own. That's how we progress, from our own failures and attempts.
Who said I was blackmailing them? You totally missed my point-an 18 year old high school student, living at home, being totally supported by a parent may "legally" be an adult but that doesn't mean they have true adult decision making capabilities and there is no reason why a parent can't have a say in what they do. If an 18 year old senior in high school being fully supported by his/her parents wants to go on a spring break trip the parents have every right to say no. If they want to take total responsibility for their actions and be able to do whatever they want, when ever they want then they also need to take total responsibility for supporting themselves. That is what being an adult really is-not some age on a birth certificate. I know a few 40 year olds I don't consider adults too.

Our son has a lot of freedom because he has earn our trust. He has had plenty of opportunities to learn/fail/grow. We still would not let him go on a spring break trip as a senior in high school-not that he would want to go in the first place. It is not an appropriate trip for a high school kid, period. Now, when he wanted to go to China with the high school band when he was a freshman and 14 years old, we were ALL for that. He had a GREAT time, but a Girls Gone Wild Spring break trip, nope.
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