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Old 04-20-2010, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,224,556 times
Reputation: 1723

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Quote:
Originally Posted by osuzana View Post
O.K. First time situation for me. My son wants to go to Junior Prom and take his gf. He expects me to pay for the prom tickets and to pay for his suit. I am unemployed at the moment and he is acting like a spoiled entitled teenager unappreciative of anything I am able to buy him let alone a new suit! What should I do???
If he is unappreciative then buying him a suit aint gona make him appreciate you any more. I would think you should try to help him get a job so he can contribute toward it. To me there is an advantage if you both contribute toward it. Likewise with the tickets. Sounds like he really needs to get an idea of the value. Otherwise in 50 years you will be buying him tickets to Neil Sedaka or Andre Reiu.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:11 PM
 
687 posts, read 1,114,018 times
Reputation: 222
Thank you everyone for your input. He will be starting a new job in three weeks. Even though he has worked in the past, he still has no sense when it comes to money and to save for something. I have done everything to learn by example by not buying things I don't need. I shop for clothes, when I do which is usually just for work, at T.J. Max or Marshall's never paying full price. He knows we are struggling without having to spell it out. I don't believe in putting my financial burden on him or worrying him needlessly as most would agree with. If I have the money I put him first but not at the expense of our security. Thankfully I do have some job possibilities.
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Old 04-20-2010, 07:23 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,494 posts, read 4,537,452 times
Reputation: 3026
Quote:
Originally Posted by osuzana View Post
O.K. First time situation for me. My son wants to go to Junior Prom and take his gf. He expects me to pay for the prom tickets and to pay for his suit. I am unemployed at the moment and he is acting like a spoiled entitled teenager unappreciative of anything I am able to buy him let alone a new suit! What should I do???
Be a parent and tell him you do not have the money and he and his girlfriend learn to live times where there is not much money to spend. It is time to learn lessons in life when there austerity.

If he really wants to then he can get a part time job to pay for the expenses so he realized the effort it takes to pay for things.

It is the prom now. You take the risk of it escalating if you somewhat try to pay for his prom demands. Later he may expect more if you get him used to get what he wants. He needs to learn from you he needs to be a team player with the family in times of need. To share with the sacrifice.

It is up to you what type of mentality he could get later in life.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 04-20-2010, 11:01 PM
 
853 posts, read 4,023,715 times
Reputation: 664
I would first figure out the finance piece and determine if I could pay for any of it, and how much I could pay for. Then, if I could afford some of it, I would figure out if it is a good idea to contribute.

I am also thinking that maybe there are some things he could give up that would save money and allow for some prom funds. This might help financially and help him appreciate it a bit more (in the long run anyway.....lol!).

If you do give him some money, I am not sure having him pay you back is a good idea, especially if he is not usually good with money and/or of the prom will be over before his job starts.

My kids are younger than your son. They get money from relatives, and they used to get an allowance (I made chores mandatory recently, and they have not been consistent yet!). I always have them contribute for extras (for example, I might pay for bowling and a slice of pizza, but they would have to pay for any video games or extra food). I tell them upfront and they are used to it. It might be trickier if they did not have generous relatives though.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Last edited by Reneeme; 04-20-2010 at 11:02 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:28 AM
 
687 posts, read 1,114,018 times
Reputation: 222
My son is freaking out now thinking the worst. He is afraid I cannot pay for the rent or food. This is how he interpreted a conversation about necessities and entitlement. This is not true by the way but none the less this is how he chooses to process the information. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
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Old 04-21-2010, 10:27 AM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,987 posts, read 21,866,928 times
Reputation: 7007
There comes the time in a persons life where the word "Priority" has to be considered.

We all at one time or another have had to make a decision.

Do I pay for gas or do I walk to work.

Do I buy a pack of cigs or a Big Mac for lunch.

Do I buy a new shirt/dress or buy a steak for a change.

These are all Prioritys that have to be made at one time or another...I have done these.

Maybe the time to tighten the belt has come to the head of the table.

At 17 a persons life is not over but a stepping stone into the future.

The young man by not going to the Prom will have learned a valuable lesson in life.

Raising 4 boys and 3 girls only one girl went to a Prom...they all survived.

Steve
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Old 04-21-2010, 11:26 AM
 
687 posts, read 1,114,018 times
Reputation: 222
Believe me Steve, I know he will survive. He has had to "survive" many things.
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Old 04-21-2010, 12:36 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
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Some gutless person left a nasty message for me and I'd like to know who it is.
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Old 04-21-2010, 02:26 PM
 
687 posts, read 1,114,018 times
Reputation: 222
If it is any consolation NE, I agree with your posts. I was told a long time ago by a therapist to never burden children with your finances. I consider a 16 still a child and as you can see, with little that he does know it has already affected him and put fear in him about our well being which is my fault. To create a balance of reality without panic for a teen is not easy sometimes. I am sorry someone lashed out at you.
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:39 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
Reputation: 2194
Thank you osu.
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