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Old 04-19-2010, 06:27 PM
 
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O.K. First time situation for me. My son wants to go to Junior Prom and take his gf. He expects me to pay for the prom tickets and to pay for his suit. I am unemployed at the moment and he is acting like a spoiled entitled teenager unappreciative of anything I am able to buy him let alone a new suit! What should I do???
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Old 04-19-2010, 06:42 PM
 
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He's old enough to understand household finances, so just be honest and lay out all your monthly expenses & tell him that you both are flat-out broke. Don't try to put it optimistically, or give false hope for a quick recovery or new job. He needs to see the stark reality of desperate circumstances. Ask him if he would rather have food on the table & clothes for school versus a fancy night on the town dancing & drinking.

If you can afford it (without affecting your budget) tell him you'll pay for his prom bid but he needs to sign a contract stating he is to take care of household chores & cook dinner certain days of the week. It's time for him to be a man and own up to family responsibilities.
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Old 04-19-2010, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
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What about renting a tux for him? Many places seem to have "prom specials" where you get the basic tux for cheap. I can't understand actually buying a suit that he is only going to wear once. Have you considered contacting her parents about prom costs? I know that's non-traditional, but... let's be honest... we're living in a non-traditional world If nothing else and he is insisting on going... give him a budget (he can earn it with chores, etc...) and let him figure out how to get everything he needs for prom. I don't know where you are living, but we're in a small town and our kids often trade / borrow dresses, tuxes, etc... for proms.
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:05 PM
 
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I think I might rent a tux for about $50 and he can use his Dad's shoes? Anyone ever do this for a prom? He is supposedly starting a job in three weeks. Should I have him pay me back for any of this?
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,658,194 times
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Originally Posted by osuzana View Post
I think I might rent a tux for about $50 and he can use his Dad's shoes? Anyone ever do this for a prom? He is supposedly starting a job in three weeks. Should I have him pay me back for any of this?
Rent the tux, use Dad's shoes. But don't make him pay you back As it is, he'll have to buy the girl a wrist corsage (about $15.) and some dinner - that will probably be more than enough for him to have to cover.

This is a school event, and an important one to kids. If his class were going to the science museum, or on a 2 day trip to NASA or D.C. wouldn't you want to be sure it got to go??
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:14 PM
 
Location: here
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Originally Posted by osuzana View Post
I think I might rent a tux for about $50 and he can use his Dad's shoes? Anyone ever do this for a prom? He is supposedly starting a job in three weeks. Should I have him pay me back for any of this?
Maybe. If he has an attitude of entitlement, and money is really tight for you, and he has a job...
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Rent the tux, use Dad's shoes. But don't make him pay you back As it is, he'll have to buy the girl a wrist corsage (about $15.) and some dinner - that will probably be more than enough for him to have to cover.

This is a school event, and an important one to kids. If his class were going to the science museum, or on a 2 day trip to NASA or D.C. wouldn't you want to be sure it got to go??
It would be me paying for the tickets, corsage and everything else! A real responsible guy would pay for at least these things himself don't you think? Attitude of entitlement while knowing how tight things are and still asks for money but I'll leave it at the original question.
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Old 04-19-2010, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Originally Posted by osuzana View Post
It would be me paying for the tickets, corsage and everything else! A real responsible guy would pay for at least these things himself don't you think? Attitude of entitlement while knowing how tight things are and still asks for money but I'll leave it at the original question.

Like I said, he should cover the flowers and dinner - you pitch in for the tickets and tux.

I would be willing to bet he's not normally a bratty kid with a total entitlement mentality, or is he? I'm guessing he's just really upset that you would balk at paying what he knows most other parents are paying for when this is such a big deal and milestone.
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:01 PM
 
Location: here
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Like I said, he should cover the flowers and dinner - you pitch in for the tickets and tux.

I would be willing to bet he's not normally a bratty kid with a total entitlement mentality, or is he? I'm guessing he's just really upset that you would balk at paying what he knows most other parents are paying for when this is such a big deal and milestone.
But if he really wants to go, shouldn't he be willing to pay for it? the OP said she is unemployed, right? It doesn't set a very good example to pay for something like this when she doesn't have any money.

When I was a freshman in HS and didn't have a job, I asked my parents if I could go to the winter formal. I was pretty humble about it, IIRC. I didn't feel entitled. I simply pointed out that you're only in HS once, and I might not have a boyfriend in upcoming years. I borrowed a dress, and my parents paid for everything else.

By the time I was a senior, I had a job. The dress I wanted was pretty expensive. My mom agreed to pay for the dress, but I paid for everything else - shoes, jewelery, purse, hair style, manicure...

For the poster who said to ask the girlfriend if she could pay, at first I thought that seemed reasonable. But, now that I think about it, she has enough to pay for on her own.

Normally, I say a teen shouldn't miss out on something like the prom, and parents should help pay. It only happens once. But if the parent doesn't have a job...
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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Is there a difference between a junior prom, and a prom for juniors and seniors? The latter is what our school offers, and it costs a mint. If this was a separate prom altogether, for younger students, I would be less inclined to tax family finances for it. I would, however, hate to see a student have to miss their prom in their senior year.

So far this year we have purchased a tux ( 4 formals made it cheaper than renting), paid for the prom night limo @ $120.00, and purchased the prom bids @ 2 X's $45.00. My son still has to pay for the dinner beforehand, and the corsage. If he was a junior I would be far less inclined to pick up any of these expenses.

Tuxedos can be found in consignment shops for a fraction of what they cost new, providing you are in an area that would call for tux ownership. Most grocery stores offer corsages at a price below what the florists charge. Pre-prom dinners can be held a someone's home with parents or kids doing the cooking. Limos aren't necessary unless the prom is held a distance from the school. In our case it is downtown Atlanta, so with traffic and parking being what it is, the limo makes sense.

Do what you can, but don't feel guilty for putting your family's best interests first.
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