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Thanks, I am going to need all the luck I can get. Even after the story came out about his brother molesting his own daughter, my ex continued to protect him and refuses to believe he could have done anything wrong. His brother failed the polygraph test and even said things that incriminated himself on the test. CPS said this in court. I was there. I believe that my ex is in complete denial. He needs counseling and therapy before he even should be allowed around any of the kids in my opinion.
Why do I feel this way? He revealed to me early in our marriage of 12 years that he was sexually molested by his sister who was 5 or 6 years older than him. He said it started with fondling of his penis, then as they got a lttle older she put his in her and after that they had sex with each other until they were in high school. This was his own words to me. I have never heard her side of the story, and why was she acting out on him and who was abusing her? I know, I should have paid more attention to this, and thought about it long and hard before adopting children with him. He has no bio children and mine were all grown when we met. I have 9 grandchildren, by the way. We were in love, and we were both grownups, and yes, I overlooked a lot of stuff that I didn't think would have an affect on us as parents. I realize right now that he has a sex addiction, also. I am getting counseling and I am a codepent person, caretaker, and an adult child of an alcoholic, so I know why I need help. He is going to parenting classes, but that isn't touching on any of his deep therapy needs. I will definitely talk to my attorney about all this. Maybe my ex is not the best placement for my son, I don't know. May he should be palaced in a more therapuetic placemant to help save his future. I have been thinking that ex's brother's story could have had some impact on my son, and maybe caused him to act out worse on his siblings, I don't know.
This is actually more common then you think. The silent unbelieving family members that will no believe their own children in sex abuse. They either know it goes on, and turn a blind eye, or refuse to believe it happens. Sometimes the position they have in life makes them do it, and other times it's because they were also abused as children and feel this is just a normal thing in life.
I don't know what to say! I am so proud of you though for doing the right thing and turning your son in and standing by the other children. They will never forget that you helped them get out of that mess. I am livid that the system would expect you to allow your son anywhere near those children again. I wish you well
I don't know what to say! I am so proud of you though for doing the right thing and turning your son in and standing by the other children. They will never forget that you helped them get out of that mess. I am livid that the system would expect you to allow your son anywhere near those children again. I wish you well
I just now realized that this lady has not posted in 2 years .
I was trying to find information on the web about incest but, this was the first forum I found.
A few years ago I saw my oldest son masturbating while he was playing with my 8 month old daughters bottom. I was so shocked that I almost couldn't breath for a moment. I got my daughter and told my son to go to sleep. I went in my room, with my daughter, and all I could do was just sit and try to calm myself down because, to be honest, I wanted to kill him. The next day I talked to him about what I saw and he stood there and lied and told me he was playing with the remote! I told him he was lying and he got so upset he just flew to his room. I decided then that he needed to go stay with his father in another state. I figured I'd talk to his father and he'd be able to help me sort out the situation. However, when I was talking to my son, he got into the same mood and then played the puppy dog eyes and told his father that I was accusing him of something he could never do! His father took my son's side and told me that I was just f$@^ing with my son's head! I was so shocked an surprised! I have no history of lying on anyone! His response was so, outrageous! Why would he think I'd lie on my own child? His father told me, basically, to leave my son alone, he didn't need any help or I wasn't gonna be able to contact him anymore, because I lied on him! Then his father called my mother, and told my mother the story! Now, my mother raised me and she called me and told me I was sick! She said how could he do that? I reminded her that my son is the sick one. Then I reminded her how her brothers molested me for years, so there is no scarlette letter on the heads of molesters. Then I reminded her how my father molested my older sister for years, and how when I told her what I saw, how she told me then I was lying! Of course, my older sister told my mother about the abuse last year, so me being defined as a liar was cleared. I was so hurt, my sons' father, my mother all thought I was lying on my own child! So, I didn't have any contact with my son for a while.
The next summer he came for a visit, and I made sure, my kids were not around him alone. Well, one day I fell asleep and I noticed my youngest son was out of the bed. I called his name and he came running out of a room with something on the side of his face. I called his name but, he wouldn't come, he went to restroom then came to me. I asked him what happened and he made up some story but, I knew it was a lie. I kept asking him, over and over but he just stuck to his story.
Well, just a few days ago my son told me that my oldest son had been molesting him for years. And that the stuff on his face was the white stuff that came out of my son's penis, because my oldest son told him to put his mouth on it! All I could do was hug my child and tell him I'm so proud he told me and that he will NEVER be around his brother again! I called my oldest son, who now lives with my mother 3 hours away and who shares a bedroom with my 7 year old nephew. I calmly spoke to my son and when I began to tell him about what his brother admitted had been happening my son went into the same rage and denial he did when he was at his father's house. He hung up the phone, so I called back and my sister answered, she asked what I said to make him so mad. My son was in my mother's room, telling her how I'm always accusing him and he;s tired of it! My sister told me I was a " miserable failure as a mother" because I should have made him go to counseling! How could I make him go to counseling? He wasn't living with me and his father believed him, so what was he gonna seek counseling for? My mother told me I was sick and that I needed help! I am enraged! My oldest son, is not admitting to anything, so how can I help him? I do know that I am afraid for my nephew because no adult in that house believes me, so my son still shares the bedroom with my nephew. I thought my oldest would admit to it and I could get him counseling ad find out if he was molested but, he is a sociopath! He is able to lie and manipulate everyone. He has no intentions on stopping, especially since he has made everyone believe I am a sick liar, making up stories.
I am caught, my son was accepted to college, is an honor student but he has been molesting his little brother and sister for years. He can lie and manipulate people, and make people trust him. That is a very dangerous personality. I know he has no intentions of ever stopping, he is just gonna continue to hurt others. Everyone is my child but, as a mother, my first duty is to protect my kids, even if it is from another sibling.
I know that come Monday, when I take my kids to an advocacy center, that the incident will be reported and my son will, most likely be charged. It is making my heart so heavy. I was abused as a child and was very cautious as to who my kids played with and made sure they would only sleep out to a trusted family members house. I was so busy trying to protect them from strangers, that my own child just stayed under my radar for years!
Is there anyone who has had to deal with this same situation? Can you offer me some advise or groups that will offer therapy for us all? I really need some input.
What you are doing is one of the hardest thing sin the world to do, turn your child in...but you are doing the right thing for all involved. I wish you well, and will be keeping you in my prayers. Maybe start a new thread, for I am sure there are others out there that need to hear these things. God bless you and keep you.
The cycle must be broken. I think you are strong and courageous for taking the steps you know you must. I have no advice, except that part of the healing process should include distancing yourself from your own toxic relatives.
I have been thinking about your situation. What I understand from knowing a tinsey bit about the counseling precess is that the counselor is looking out for their client's best interest. I am wondering if perhaps you couldn't ask for an appointed guardian ad litem for your younger children, so that their wishes are before the court during this process. It seems to me, no matter how benficial it might be for your older son to be able to apologise, etc...your younger children have the right to feel their feelings, and if as you said they do not want to be interating w/ your oldest son, at least not presently....someone appointed for thies best interests would be very beneficial....also there are mediators. I know you are coming up against the professionals, and those professionals are not taking yours, or your younger children's wishes into account. Talk to your attorney or perhaps the younger children's counselors perhaps about this.
Dear Parent i have just encountered some of the same issues with my 11yr old son. I was so hurt, frustrated and sad. I feel as if somehow this is my fault. So a few months ago when i saw a few signs. I got him a councilor . Everything seem to be going okay until today. When i discovered that he took a picture of himself a month ago on his cell phone and a picture of his brother just today. I was crushed and cried for hours. I want to turn him in for help but i don't know where to start or where to go . Can you help?
Perhaps, but I think it is very important to understand the difference. If there is any pressure involved, if there is an age range between participants, if there is force applied would all point to molestation.
I also have a 16 yr old son who molested my 7 yr old daughter, at the time of the incident he was 15 and she was 5. It was a one time incident but just the same raises some real concerns. I feel as though I have also faught with the system not only to protect my daughter but to be sure that my son is getting the proper help. His JPPO has not liked me since the get go and for no reason as she has never taken the time to even have a conversation with me. His father also was unhappy that I turned him in and that it went to court. He has only had outpatient (once weekly) therapy and has continued to get in trouble for other things while on probation - drugs, fighting, etc. And I STILL can't get his JPPO to see my side of things. I refused to have the meeting between my son and daughter as both her therapist and myself felt it could be detrimental to her because neither of us feel that he "gets it". My daughter still loves her brother and misses him and it may be even more confusing to her because it did only happen once and she isn't afraid of him. Thankfully we have made her understand that it is in no way her fault and that it is because he keeps getting in trouble that she cannot see him. After turning him in I arranged for a psych eval and that therapist strongly recommended inpatient rehab, however, the state had him evaled by their own therapist who strongly disagreed. I worry that my son who I love unconditionally has been allowed to minimize this and therefore at risk for future sexually inappropriate behavior. In our state he is on the central registry for 7 yrs even as a juvenile (not the public one - the cental one is so that he can't get a job with children and things like that). The system that is supposed to help these troubled kids and protect the other ones seems to be failing at every turn. I feel your frustration but am afraid I have no advice to offer. My son ages out of the juvenile system in July when he turns 17, my only hope is that because he recently violated his probation again they will extend his probation til he is 18 so he will continue to get services.
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