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I apologize if this topic has already been discussed here. I have done a search but haven't found anything about this in the forum.
I am a 41 year old gal engaged to be married and planning on starting a family. Why it has taken this long for this to happen is a long story for another forum on here perhaps.
But here is my conundrum. I am surrounded by friends who are frankly baby haters. Every chance they get they are bashing a friend who had a baby or making faces about having babies. Yada yada. It's to the point where I feel like something is wrong with me for wanting to have a child. I personally think this is very normal.
The most recent encounter I had with this was my friend doing a group email on facebook talking about how she must be "young at heart" or "refusing to grow up" listening to 2 of us talking about children. How all she wanted to do was go out to the club and dance. I felt like she had just called me an old fuddy duddy. I resent this as I am not a fuddy duddy in the slightest. It's like they are angry that I want to have a kid. I mean hello! I am at the end of the point I can have one. *yes they are the same age as me* I guess I wish they would be respectful and appreciate we all want different things.
So, here is the question. How many of you have encountered this with your friends? And if you did, what was the long term ramifications of this on your friendships?
well, if you continue to deal with friends like this, you will become self-conscious upon raising your child. another point to make is that married with children is a stop sign for partying and clubbing. when you have young ones dependent on you, you cant do those things anymore because you put yourself at risk of dui, death, etc.
as for the friends, slowly fade out those friendships because its only going to cause more problems between you and them when you do finally have children.
my philosophy for this matter, and related matters such as single friend problems while being in a relationship is:
"When youre in a relationship with another person, or with your children, you are completely involved in that relationship first. Single people do single people things, taken people do responsible things."
My best friend (both 37 this year) does not like kids. She does not want kids. She did not marry until she was 35. I married at 25 and had kids around 30. We continue to be friends. She has never poo-pooed my choice, nor I hers. I think you will probably find that your "friends" are not true, life long friends, and will drift away as your priorities change. There is nothing wrong with either choice. They don't have to like kids, and you don't have to want to go clubbing at age 40. Perhaps they are a little jealous and don't want to admit it. Given the choice, perhaps they'd rather be married and have a family, but they aren't so they have to pretend. If they are true friends they'll continue to be after you are a mom. If they aren't then move on and make some mommy friends that you have more in common with.
When you spend more time on City-Data you will get more immune to the spectrum of opinions Maybe that's what you need to do, grow a bit thicker skin. People will be people, with their "mine is the only right" opinions and maybe you should think if it's the battle worth fighting. It could be possible you grew closer to a certain strata of childless people and now as you are starting to drift away from them, they are starting to feel uncomfortable with the change of status quo, and the way to put defense on is to sting you. Maybe they are starting to realize that you are opening another chapter of your life when they have to stay in the old chapter. Who knows. It may be beneficial to find an online TTC forum or post-40 TTC forum, communicating with someone with common goals.
Good luck, you are not too old, I had my kids at 39 and 41, and judging by the information out there in the World Wide Web, that is not a big deal anymore.
I apologize if this topic has already been discussed here. I have done a search but haven't found anything about this in the forum.
I am a 41 year old gal engaged to be married and planning on starting a family. Why it has taken this long for this to happen is a long story for another forum on here perhaps.
But here is my conundrum. I am surrounded by friends who are frankly baby haters. Every chance they get they are bashing a friend who had a baby or making faces about having babies. Yada yada. It's to the point where I feel like something is wrong with me for wanting to have a child. I personally think this is very normal.
The most recent encounter I had with this was my friend doing a group email on facebook talking about how she must be "young at heart" or "refusing to grow up" listening to 2 of us talking about children. How all she wanted to do was go out to the club and dance. I felt like she had just called me an old fuddy duddy. I resent this as I am not a fuddy duddy in the slightest. It's like they are angry that I want to have a kid. I mean hello! I am at the end of the point I can have one. *yes they are the same age as me* I guess I wish they would be respectful and appreciate we all want different things.
So, here is the question. How many of you have encountered this with your friends? And if you did, what was the long term ramifications of this on your friendships?
Allow me to comment from the opposing point of view. There is nothing that will kill a friendship faster than someone having a baby. Suddenly, a friend who was interesting, exciting, engaged and full of life becomes obsessed every waking moment with nothing except *the child*. She cannot think or talk about anything else. Her entire life becomes *the child* and unless you wish to be the audience for countless, endless stories about how little Bratley is getting potty trained or learning to talk or eating solid foods or spitting up or WHATEVER, you just might as well BAIL out of the relationship before you have to pony up for the inevitable baby shower, because it is only going to get worse.
The best thing you could do is make new mommy friends who will be on the same page as you are. Your old friends will not care about your baby adventures, and you might as well learn that now.
Allow me to comment from the opposing point of view. There is nothing that will kill a friendship faster than someone having a baby. Suddenly, a friend who was interesting, exciting, engaged and full of life becomes obsessed every waking moment with nothing except *the child*. She cannot think or talk about anything else. Her entire life becomes *the child* and unless you wish to be the audience for countless, endless stories about how little Bratley is getting potty trained or learning to talk or eating solid foods or spitting up or WHATEVER, you just might as well BAIL out of the relationship before you have to pony up for the inevitable baby shower, because it is only going to get worse.
The best thing you could do is make new mommy friends who will be on the same page as you are. Your old friends will not care about your baby adventures, and you might as well learn that now.
20yrsinBranson
I'll have to agree with 20yrs...your interests will be different as soon as you get married and moreso when you get pregnant. Once you have the baby, you can meet other mothers/families and make new friends. I wish you luck.
always remember that time you spend with a person doesnt make you good friends with them. my fiance has known a certain girl for 15 years but the girl is still a *****. it took my fiance 3 years to realize how much of a friend, or the lack there of, she really had.
friends are people who share common goals and interests and can communicate. if you have to spend time with someone and only talk about what they want to please them, without mentioning the word baby, maybe theyre not worth your time because in that case the relationship would be mostly give on your part and take on theirs.
Allow me to comment from the opposing point of view. There is nothing that will kill a friendship faster than someone having a baby. Suddenly, a friend who was interesting, exciting, engaged and full of life becomes obsessed every waking moment with nothing except *the child*. She cannot think or talk about anything else. Her entire life becomes *the child* and unless you wish to be the audience for countless, endless stories about how little Bratley is getting potty trained or learning to talk or eating solid foods or spitting up or WHATEVER, you just might as well BAIL out of the relationship before you have to pony up for the inevitable baby shower, because it is only going to get worse.
The best thing you could do is make new mommy friends who will be on the same page as you are. Your old friends will not care about your baby adventures, and you might as well learn that now.
20yrsinBranson
Not neccessarily. There are both extremes, of course, like everything. Of course, there will be bouts where it is all about the little guy, just like there are bouts where the other friend only talks about work. If it is a true friendship, you will always have a ton of different things to talk about.
I'm guessing you put the line "a friend who was interesting, exciting, engaged and full of life becomes obsessed every waking moment with nothing except *the child*" either to bait or, more likely, out of some current frustration, because that is certainly not true. I know amazing parents who live absolutely amazing, exciting lives.
But if people just hate kids and parents across the board...well, yes, I would start looking at what friends you have you like you no matter what and get closer to them.
Allow me to comment from the opposing point of view. There is nothing that will kill a friendship faster than someone having a baby. Suddenly, a friend who was interesting, exciting, engaged and full of life becomes obsessed every waking moment with nothing except *the child*. She cannot think or talk about anything else. Her entire life becomes *the child* and unless you wish to be the audience for countless, endless stories about how little Bratley is getting potty trained or learning to talk or eating solid foods or spitting up or WHATEVER, you just might as well BAIL out of the relationship before you have to pony up for the inevitable baby shower, because it is only going to get worse.
The best thing you could do is make new mommy friends who will be on the same page as you are. Your old friends will not care about your baby adventures, and you might as well learn that now.
20yrsinBranson
somewhat true, but that doesn't mean the parent is wrong or unexciting or boring. There is nothing wrong with growing up and "getting a life." The mommy probably thinks the stories about clubbing or traveling or whatever single life you are living are boring and shallow, too. When you have a child, the child DOES become your life. Those without children can not understand that.
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