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Exactly why you do it even if you have to keep doing it. By allowing her to have her fits downstairs in front of everyone, she is learning that the louder, more upset and more violently kicking and screaming she does, she gets her way. As calmly as possible (no yelling by you) take her upstairs and shut the door. Sit outside her door if she comes out then put her back in and shut the door. Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary.
I am sure the OP has done this for a couple of years already (I think the child is closer to 4yo). The OP is not a newly born parent of a toddler who does not know about this basic tactic. This is the point people fail to understand. The OP is coming here after trying this tactic that works on average toddlers, for years, and after watching the child melt in stores, for years, for advise, and is being lectured on the basics.
I am sure he knows how to deal with an average toddler, and all the Supernannies tactics in the world. He won't get help here for a non-average toddler.
I am sure the OP has done this for a couple of years already (I think the child is closer to 4yo). The OP is not a newly born parent of a toddler who does not know about this basic tactic. This is the point people fail to understand. The OP is coming here after trying this tactic that works on average toddlers, for years, and after watching the child melt in stores, for years, for advise, and is being lectured on the basics.
I am sure he knows how to deal with an average toddler, and all the Supernannies tactics in the world. He won't get help here for a non-average toddler.
Sorry...I haven't seen where the OP said this has been done and consistently applied. If I missed that OK...He has also indicated that this child is normal in every other respect and on track developmentally, so it sounds like an average albeit strong willed toddler to me. I had one of those too. This is what we did and it was long before Supernanny was even on the air. This is not a new technique.
I do agree that different things need to be tried and that different things seem to work for different children.
I have 4 children. Our 3rd child was the tantrum thrower more so than the other 3. Not that they didn't have their moments. But ds would do the lay down on the floor with his arms and legs flailing screaming at the top of his lungs. He did this 3 times in a store and each time we picked him up and left the store. Placed him in his room for a period of time once we got home. Big pain when you are trying to shop with other kids and you "need" those groceries. But it helped. He is 19 now and somehow we all survived. Best of luck...just remember they do grow up.
Sorry...I haven't seen where the OP said this has been done and consistently applied. If I missed that OK...He has also indicated that this child is normal in every other respect and on track developmentally, so it sounds like an average albeit strong willed toddler to me. I had one of those too. This is what we did and it was long before Supernanny was even on the air. This is not a new technique.
I do agree that different things need to be tried and that different things seem to work for different children.
I still ask advice about my 4yr old & have a 2yr old who I am still asking advice on and another on the way that I am asking advice on. Wasn't aware there was an age restriction of needing advice as EVERY child is different...thought that was well est knowledge in the land of parenting
If the OP is highly concerned, asking strangers on a public internet forum is probably not the best avenue. A call to the pediatrican would be in line.
I also don't think it necessary that posters imply the child may have a more serious issue. None of us personally know the child nor the poster.
My 4yr old has had some serious moments. I try the well worked techniques and sometimes, wow, they don't work due to his mood, the reason, geez, the endless list of things that could be going on that are completely in the normal day scheme of things. Other than that, he thrives in school, with family & friends, is a happy kid w/ a heart of gold but can be a huge stinker who pushes every last button on me and some days does it in manner that shocks me. If this was ALL the time for months on end, I'd be concerned. BUT AS THE OP CLEARLY STATED...his dd is doing fine in school, intereacting w/ others, and maj. of the time, is a typical toddler.
If a child is having a serious all out throw down for hours a day, every day..there is an issue. Most toddlers have their moments every day. "YOURS" (not implying you MM b/c you've been there done that) could just show it in a different way.
Not one size fits all with kids, parents. Not sure why some want to imply there is a perfect check off list.
Some kids are tempermenal all their lives. Some are very docile. Some are moody. Some are constantly happy. And there is nothing developmentally wrong with them. Or there could be. SOOOO, if the OP really needs help with his toddler, he needs to go the proper route...which is not this forum, but to a trained professional who will lead him to the next right avenue be it diet change, changes in the homes, or psych eval. The list is endless as is the difference in every child.
Yes, agreed completely. When people suggest that we just take our daughter to her room and let her have her fit there, I'm not sure they understand that a) Picking our daughter up while she is having a fit and carrying her upstairs is challenging, at best, and makes her so much more upset and b) She won't stay in her room. She'll immediately come running out and scream louder and louder.
Anyway, I do appreciate all of the suggestions, definitely some things that I found very helpful.
Excuses.
Than lock the door. I've done it w/ both of mine. iouTake her to her room or a safe room, in a calm tone of voice tell her why she is going into the room, and leave. Don't sit there outside the door. She knows you are there thus she continue until you break down, which you do. Make sure all toys they can climb on or things that they could get hurt with are removed. Let her scream & shout. When she calms down (which she will be it 10 mins or an hour), go in and in simple words, ask her why she was in her room and then explain better ways of handling her frustation. Right now she knows she can leave, so she could care less if you take her to her room.
I'm 8 months pregnant & have a fiesty 2 1/2 yr old who is a challenge to get to his room when he decides to show poor behavior that is dangerous to himself/others (throwing toys more out of overstimulation than anger) or start a temper tantrum. I do it b/c I refuse to let him grow up w/o boundaries or knowing mommy means business. I do. He is getting it. Very, very slowly, but he is getting it.
Either get really, really firm really quick or talk to your ped.
From this post, it sounds like you are giving in to her. Thus, she has control in the home.
Gain healthy parental control now or at least start working on it. Otherwise, nothing is going to work & the tantrums will grow into much worse things as she knows she can break your wife & you done over time.
Children this age often get overwhelmed by their emotions and their environment. You have to help them regain self-control and be the boss of them!
I like the method that Dr. John Rosemond describes for a variety of behavioral obstacles. He says that young children understand authority figures, so get the doctor involved. You don't have to tell the children that it is Dr. Rosemond and that you are following his general advice and not his specific direction.
Tell your child that the doctor says that three-year-olds who have tantrums are not getting enough sleep and need to sleep more. That will help them grow out of the tantrums. So immediately, because you must follow the doctor's advice to have a healthy child, you must begin putting your child in her room as soon as possible so that she can rest. She must remain in her room the rest of the day, except for supper and bath-time, and then go to bed an hour early so that she can get enough sleep to grow out of her tantrums.
She shouldn't have to experience the consequences too many times to get the idea that her day will be over every time she has a tantrum. If she is too happy in her room because of toys, etc., and the tantrums continue, tell her that the doctor said she needs fewer distractions in her room so that she can really rest. Then strip her room except for a stuffed animal or two and some books. Put her toys in an area where she can play with them when she behaves herself.
The beauty of this method is that if she is playing for your attention, she won't get it, and she will lose her free time. If she really is having trouble reining in her behavior in moments of extreme emotion, it will give her the boundaries that she needs in order to develop self-control.
I agree with others to limit her choices. The doctor believes that children who aren't able to behave just aren't big enough to decide for themselves. Look at her diet, her schedule, and her screen time as additional factors in her meltdowns.
As far as public tantrums, people fall into two categories--those who have been there and understand, and those who haven't and couldn't possibly understand.
Tell your child that the doctor says that three-year-olds who have tantrums are not getting enough sleep and need to sleep more. That will help them grow out of the tantrums. So immediately, because you must follow the doctor's advice to have a healthy child, you must begin putting your child in her room as soon as possible so that she can rest. She must remain in her room the rest of the day, except for supper and bath-time, and then go to bed an hour early so that she can get enough sleep to grow out of her tantrums.
Are you proposing putting a 3 year old in their room all day?
Recipe for food issues. Why not prepare the healthy meal, give him the option of eating it, and if he doesn't, let him get up and go about his business. He won't starve and he'll be hungry enough to eat a healthy meal the next day.
I agree very much. By forcing him to eat the food, you're teaching him to eat when he's not hungry/teaching him you have to clear your plate, which could lead to a lifetime of overeating issues. Simply tell the child he/she they can choose whether they eat or not, and if they choose not to, they'll be hungry for the rest of the night.
Talking generally begins in the 18 month to 2 year window. Tantrums begin in the 2nd year (hence, the name "terrible twos") and going into the 3rd year is perfectly normal. So it's not accurate to say tantrums start by the time a child can talk. Actually that's when they begin.
Interesting.. disregard my advice then with my kids, their tantrums seemed to decrease by the time they could verbally express themselves.
Are you proposing putting a 3 year old in their room all day?
Only on days when she has a tantrum. Rosemond suggests giving children three strikes or warnings, then it's into the bedroom for the rest of the day. Doctor's orders.
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This is not a new technique.
