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First, let me preface this by asking that anyone who does not have children refrains from responding. I know I had strong opinions on this topic before I had kids, but once the kids came along a lot has changed.
Our 3 year old daughter is prone to tantrums. She probably averages one every day or every other day. Generally speaking, our response to the tantrum is to either ignore it or to try and "talk her through it", depending on what type of tantrum it is. For the most part, we ignore them.
My wife recently had an experience that made me wonder if we should change our approach. Our daughter had a massive tantrum at our local grocery store that went on for 30 minutes or so. Ultimately my wife picked her up and carried her out to the car, no small feat considering she had a cart full of groceries and our 18 month old to deal with as well. As she was doing this, an older gentleman angrily said to her "you should have done that half an hour ago". Presumably he had witnessed all of the tantrum. While my wife didn't appreciate his commentary (and told him so), it did get me thinking.
What I'm wondering is, was he right and is it time for us to start taking more of a hard line approach to these fits? Specifically, if she has a tantrum at home, pick her up and put her in her room. If she has a tantrum while we are out, pick her up, put her in the car and go home. I should point out that I don't think this will necessarily work. Meaning if we were to put her in her room she wouldn't just stay there, she would come out and be twice as upset as she was previously. And picking her up while she is having a fit is a challenge as she pushes and fights us on it, and again, it makes her more upset. So I don't even know if this is an option.
I guess my main question is, is it too late to change this? Will taking a different approach even be effective at this time?
I will say that our daughter is well behaved and a "good kid", despite the tantrums. When the fits do end, she is fine and even apologetic. And, most importantly from my perspective, she never gets what she wants when she does have a fit. Meaning if she wanted a treat and that is what she is having a fit about, we stand our ground and she doesn't get the treat, despite the fit.
I know this is the age for this and from most everything I read, what we are experiencing is pretty normal. But it really does wear on us after a while and I'm curious to hear what others thoughts are on this.
I would not have waited 30 minutes to leave the grocery store.
Ignoring at home is the way to go. Do not "talk her through it." Walk away. Don't put her in her room only to have to fight to keep her in there. Just walk away and leave her wherever she is.
Only on days when she has a tantrum. Rosemond suggests giving children three strikes or warnings, then it's into the bedroom for the rest of the day. Doctor's orders.
I don't think a child of this age will remember or understand the reason for being sent to their room after a few minutes, let alone hours. I've given mine 5 minute time outs, and at the end they can't remember why.
The man was right and wrong to say something because your wife should have done something sooner when "little precious" was having a tantrum in a public place. It was probably very annoying to listen to, and he couldn't stand it anymore.
One of my sons tried a tantrum with my wife way back when and she just pinched his arm till he screamed and said don't ever think your going to have a tantrum with me..... my son cried, they got home and he was punished for a week with no toys.
He and my other 2 sons never had tantrums again................We are the parents, we have control.
A child having a tantrum in a store or a public place is not acceptable, the kid needed a good smack and to be let know Mom & Dad are not having this.
I hate it also when kids yeah kids have tantrums and the parents are there looking all stupind, ummm, do something... already !1
I don't think a child of this age will remember or understand the reason for being sent to their room after a few minutes, let alone hours. I've given mine 5 minute time outs, and at the end they can't remember why.
I agree. A whole day alone in their room sounds like an eternity to a small child and I don't think they are capable of making the connection between the tantrum and being isolated in their room all day.
I found an advice column from this Dr.where he talks about a 3 strikes rule for tantrums. His advice says to give an allowance of three tantrums per week. After the third weekly tantrum he calls for a week long restriction with a minimum of no TV, no playing outside and no friends over. He allows parents to come up with additional restrictions which I suppose could include a week in one's room. I find this to be extreme for a small child and completely counterproductive. His advice in this instance for a 6 year old child which is different then a 3 year old, but still.
I agree. A whole day alone in their room sounds like an eternity to a small child and I don't think they are capable of making the connection between the tantrum and being isolated in their room all day.
I found an advice column from this Dr.where he talks about a 3 strikes rule for tantrums. His advice says to give an allowance of three tantrums per week. After the third weekly tantrum he calls for a week long restriction with a minimum of no TV, no playing outside and no friends over. He allows parents to come up with additional restrictions which I suppose could include a week in one's room. I find this to be extreme for a small child and completely counterproductive. His advice in this instance for a 6 year old child which is different then a 3 year old, but still.
I think ignoring it to some extent works but it is not fair for everyone else in the room to have to listen to it. That's why we removed them to their room. You may have a tantrum but you may not ruin everyone else's enjoyment. Feel free to rejoin us when you are done.
I think ignoring it to some extent works but it is not fair for everyone else in the room to have to listen to it. That's why we removed them to their room. You may have a tantrum but you may not ruin everyone else's enjoyment. Feel free to rejoin us when you are done.
true. I guess I'm lucky mine mostly only did it at home, just with me.
true. I guess I'm lucky mine mostly only did it at home, just with me.
This was at home. I shouldn't have to listen to it either. Or the other sibling...manners and thoughtfulness are expected at home with family too!
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