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You say you have to get up at 4:30 am. So GO TO BED. What's stopping you? After all, they are your adult daugters and adult son's guests, not yours.
As far as the whole making 'family' time, don't be surprised if your daughter already considers him family if they are that close, and lets you know that.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation with my girlfriend. I stay at her house every other weekend, she stays at mine every other. I help out around the house, help with major projects(car repairs, home improvements) and many other things. Her dad says he has no problem with me being over as much as I want, yet after a year and a half of doing this her mother still gets all pissy about me being there.
Oh, about the 3 whole meals a week.. I'm sure you're thinking about it as another mouth to feed, because what selfish parent wouldn't. Look at it this way, if he's there for 3 and she's at his place for 3 or 4, you're breaking even.. at least!
You are missing the point - which I guess I would expect since you are a kid and not a parent.
This mom wants her PRIVACY back - she wants to not have visitors over after she has to go to bed. No matter how quiet people try to be, there is no way to keep the house as quiet as a homeowner would like when there is company wandering around (getting food or drinks in the kitchen, going to the bathroom, holding conversation, watching tv). Most parents work very hard to have the home they have - it becomes their castle, their sanctuary - and they don't want to have to share it with people outside their immediate family 24/7.
Exactly. That's my point. I love him being over...for a visit. It's just becoming too often. For the past 4 days I have come home from work to find my daughter, boyfriend, my oldest son, his college roommate and my youngest all playing video games. Boyfriend and college roommate both stay way to late (11pm or so). I get up at 4:30 am. I have to go to bed no later than 9pm. I need some down time too.
We did have a talk last night and I told them that I was glad to have them over but that on work nights they need to call it quits at 9pm. At the same time I don't want her out after that on a school night. On the weekends she may stay out until midnight or he may stay at our house until then. We will see how that works. She has to work tonight and he (BF) worked all day today. Maybe I will come home from work to peace.
BF AND college roommate? I'd have blown a gasket a long time ago.
You did right by having the talk with them. Hopefully, they'll feel a little bit of shame for being so inconsiderate.
You are missing the point - which I guess I would expect since you are a kid and not a parent.
This mom wants her PRIVACY back - she wants to not have visitors over after she has to go to bed. No matter how quiet people try to be, there is no way to keep the house as quiet as a homeowner would like when there is company wandering around (getting food or drinks in the kitchen, going to the bathroom, holding conversation, watching tv). Most parents work very hard to have the home they have - it becomes their castle, their sanctuary - and they don't want to have to share it with people outside their immediate family 24/7.
Amazing, the entitlement of these kids, isn't it?
Kids don't have the "right" to be bringing their current "loves" to the house any time and all the time. It's a privilege. If they want the right, then they can pay for their own place.
Just keep in mind that by enforcing that he not be around so much, you may end up driving your daughter away from your home. They'll find a new place to spend time together and you won't see your daughter very often, or she'll end up moving out because she's sick of being micromanaged.
Yes, when they're 18 they're still 'under the parent's roof' and the parents make the rules, but I find it pointless to treat an adult like a child just because of the living situation. That's what my mother did and that's one thing that drove me out of her house forever.
Maybe you could ask him to not be over for dinner all the time if you're tired of spending money on feeding him - which I can definitely understand - but if he's in your house in another room or something I just don't see how that could bother you so much.
Also, keep in mind that there is a possibility of him becoming your son-in-law someday. Try to think of him more as family like your daughter does and maybe it won't bother you so much.
Oh, please. He needs to leave at a decent time, not when it suits him. The daughter needs to respect her parents feelings. They're pretty liberal with the whole situation as it is. Time for the the couple to think of others, and not themselves. And if daughter thinks BF going home at a decent time for the family is reason enough to leave home, then she's a got a whole 'nother problem.
Really, why do people think it's so extreme that setting rules and limits in your own house is setting yourself up for losing your kids?
How would everyone like to have their mother-in-law visit every day till 11 pm?
Exactly. That's my point. I love him being over...for a visit. It's just becoming too often. For the past 4 days I have come home from work to find my daughter, boyfriend, my oldest son, his college roommate and my youngest all playing video games. Boyfriend and college roommate both stay way to late (11pm or so). I get up at 4:30 am. I have to go to bed no later than 9pm. I need some down time too.
We did have a talk last night and I told them that I was glad to have them over but that on work nights they need to call it quits at 9pm. At the same time I don't want her out after that on a school night. On the weekends she may stay out until midnight or he may stay at our house until then. We will see how that works. She has to work tonight and he (BF) worked all day today. Maybe I will come home from work to peace.
Actually that sounds so wholesome. It would be completely different in my opinion if it was one on one - just the two of them but it's just a group of good kids hanging around in the home, not doing anything wrong.
I'm not sure why you want to run them off - you're going to have more peace than you can stand in no time, why not savor the moment?
Oh, please. He needs to leave at a decent time, not when it suits him. The daughter needs to respect her parents feelings. They're pretty liberal with the whole situation as it is. Time for the the couple to think of others, and not themselves. And if daughter thinks BF going home at a decent time for the family is reason enough to leave home, then she's a got a whole 'nother problem.
Really, why do people think it's so extreme that setting rules and limits in your own house is setting yourself up for losing your kids?
How would everyone like to have their mother-in-law visit every day till 11 pm?
There's nothing wrong with settings rules, but this is an 18 year old woman, not a child, who would probably like to be thought of as a respected member of the family instead of a girl who needs to be given curfews. If they aren't making a ton of noise or trashing the house I don't understand what the problem is. Except the food thing, that can get expensive.
So the daughter needs to respect her parents' feelings but they aren't reciprocated? That seems a bit cold. I'm just saying that it wouldn't surprise me if the daughter got sick of it. Her moving out would work out for everyone though, right? Then the parents wouldn't have to deal with company anymore.
There's nothing wrong with settings rules, but this is an 18 year old woman, not a child, who would probably like to be thought of as a respected member of the family instead of a girl who needs to be given curfews. If they aren't making a ton of noise or trashing the house I don't understand what the problem is. Except the food thing, that can get expensive.
So the daughter needs to respect her parents' feelings but they aren't reciprocated? That seems a bit cold. I'm just saying that it wouldn't surprise me if the daughter got sick of it. Her moving out would work out for everyone though, right? Then the parents wouldn't have to deal with company anymore.
Sounds like to me the mom might be a bit of introvert and would like some downtime at home and not have to be surrounded by all these people several days a week. I have no idea the lay out of her house so perhaps there really is only one living room/area to watch TV and the parents are forced to go to the bedrooms or the kitchen. Even if they aren't being really loud it may be enough to keep her from being able to sleep. I think asking them to leave at 9pm is a decent compromise. I mean who on earth has so much free time they can hang with their SO everyday for 12 HOURS? I keep people saying "well at least she is at home and you know where she is." Call me crazy but 18 you have a decent idea of your own kids maturity and wouldn't be a bad thing if they did go somewhere around town to hang out. Sounds like her daughter would chose Starbucks over a kegger...
There's nothing wrong with settings rules, but this is an 18 year old woman, not a child, who would probably like to be thought of as a respected member of the family instead of a girl who needs to be given curfews. If they aren't making a ton of noise or trashing the house I don't understand what the problem is. Except the food thing, that can get expensive.
So the daughter needs to respect her parents' feelings but they aren't reciprocated? That seems a bit cold. I'm just saying that it wouldn't surprise me if the daughter got sick of it. Her moving out would work out for everyone though, right? Then the parents wouldn't have to deal with company anymore.
Oh please, get a grip. If the parents aren't up for company after a certain time, then the kids, regardless of how they are, HAVE TO respect it. They don't like it, they can move. It's not their home to make the rules or to walk all over their parents' rules.
Yes, the daughter needs to respect her parents' feelings. They make the rules, and as long as she's there, she's their dependent. Who the hell says her feelings aren't being reciprocated. The BF practically lives there, I think they're more than reciprocated. The parents are being taken advantage of by 2 inconsiderate kids who seem to think the world revolves around their "relationship."
You're, right, if the daughter gets sick of not being able to rule the roost, then she should move out. It'd be the right thing to do, and the parents can finally get some relief from having to play host to their daughter's current "love."
It's a transition time for this family. When a child grows into a teen parents have to do more letting go than when they were little and playing outside. When a teen grows into an adult, the parent has to do even more letting go. The daughter is entering adulthood and is in love. It's a huge adjustment for a family. What they need is a happy medium so all will be satisfied.
In a few weeks the daughter will be out of high school and able to move out.
One more thing; having house rules are one thing, but imposing personal rules, as curfew on a grown offspring is silly.
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