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Old 05-17-2010, 03:30 PM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,661,906 times
Reputation: 1257

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Don't get me wrong. He's a great kid. Very friendly, very polite, nice manners, has a great job, taking college classes. Bright future, from a nice family. He treats our daughter like gold. I have no problems with him as a person. I am just tired of him ALWAYS being around.
He eats dinner here 3 times a week. He is over just about every other day for some length of time or another. He stays and watches TV with her and her brother. If she babysits our youngest, the boyfriend is over. When she has a sporting event, he goes with us. It never seems to end. I know they think they are in love but, geez...I need a night without having to feed him or see him.

Have any of you ever had a lack of privacy due to your child's boy/girlfriend?
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,663 posts, read 27,559,026 times
Reputation: 5120
Maybe find a family activity that drives him away, scrabble, poker, bridge. Eat out more often. Start teasing him you will have to charge rent for the meals he eats, or hint that he needs to bring dessert. When driving to the sporting events create a chore you have to do before or after the event, encourage him to drive himself.
You could drop a hint to your daughter that you need family time without him.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,872,912 times
Reputation: 1716
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom View Post
Don't get me wrong. He's a great kid. Very friendly, very polite, nice manners, has a great job, taking college classes. Bright future, from a nice family. He treats our daughter like gold. I have no problems with him as a person. I am just tired of him ALWAYS being around.
He eats dinner here 3 times a week. He is over just about every other day for some length of time or another. He stays and watches TV with her and her brother. If she babysits our youngest, the boyfriend is over. When she has a sporting event, he goes with us. It never seems to end. I know they think they are in love but, geez...I need a night without having to feed him or see him.

Have any of you ever had a lack of privacy due to your child's boy/girlfriend?
I sense a touch of jealousy.

Easy to get rid of him. Give him $100 and tell him to bring your daughter back tomorrow. Throw him your car keys as he is walking her out the door. If they get a bit drunk, they can sleep it off in the car.

Look at all the threads where parents are dispairing because their child is off who knows where with who knows who doing whatever.

Your role as a parent is to lead, guide, direct, support, protect. So first make the rules and be in control. But be thankful that the kids are in your house.

3 meals a week. Wow. Ask him to help you make dinner. Tell the boy you will teach him to cook some great meals. He will help you because he knows one day, his cooking will impress her. He probably wants to please you too you know.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:53 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,781 posts, read 19,561,615 times
Reputation: 6364
The first paragraph says it all. You are in a way having luck for your daughters future. There are many out there who would like your luck.

My oldest daughter in high school started out with a kid who eventually turned out GAY. She later married what I would call a bum (dealt drugs) and with no kids a divorce.

Youngest daughter was okay but lived with a guy 5 yrs (5 yrs her junior) and then got married. He works for a city in the maintenance dept and has the goal of being a foreman.

I told both girls at a young age...the men they end up marrying and the education will determine the couples future living lifestyle. So far I was correct.

To the OP count your blessings as you can see the furure in front of your eyes.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach
3,380 posts, read 8,240,931 times
Reputation: 2930
I understand not wanting him around so much. But as said by others.... at least you know what is going on. Plus with him being close you her parents I would think he is less likely to make really poor decisions with her in tow. But the boy to work! Have him do some yard work or other labor around the house. Heck, your daughter may even help out with the chores. Make it fun. Got a deck to stain? Weeds to pull? Surely there is something around the house all of you can do as a family and take advantage of having an extra body around who is so eager to please.
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Old 05-17-2010, 04:25 PM
 
3,355 posts, read 3,294,125 times
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How serious are they? They may each have found the love of their lives. You wouldn't want to split them up if this is the case.

After preventing us meeting for many months, our 15-year-old daughter finally introduced us to her 17-year-old boyfriend. They had begun dating before her birthday, so she was MUCH too young. Our daughter's boyfriend was soon here close to every night, eating dinner and snacks. He always helped out, even more than our son, when it came to bringing in groceries and other small chores around the house.

After a couple of years, we let him know that he was no longer company. Before long, he became a co-worker for a while before he went away to school, carpooling and working together on projects at work. We developed an adult relationship that was independent of our daughter. We even told him that if he and our daughter ever broke up, that he was still family to us!

Our daughter went off to university while he finished up community college. Then he joined her at a school with a reputation for partying. They tolerated a ton of teasing from their friends for remaining faithful and staying out of the hot and heavy social life at school. He graduated last year and is on the fast track of a major corporation. She just graduated magna cvm laude with two degrees and will spend the next year in a research lab. They will get engaged after she is accepted to med school, and the wedding will be after she begins med school. It really is like some sort of fairy tale. We can't even imagine our family without him.

I guess what I'm saying is this--I understand wanting to come home and have it just be family for a change. Yet this boy obviously feels as if he is part of your family if he assumes that a place will always be set for him at the table. If this is not the case, then your daughter should have to ask every night whether or not he may stay for dinner. Otherwise, try to accept that he is a fixture and put him to work. If he really doesn't want to participate in your family's chores, then he should be scarce when there is work to do. So you may want to schedule chores for your daughter when you want him to be gone. I think that having the two of them cook dinner once or twice a week would be nice too. At the very least, they should clean the kitchen afterwards.
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Old 05-17-2010, 04:30 PM
 
Location: here
24,843 posts, read 31,754,367 times
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how old are the daughter and BF?
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Old 05-17-2010, 05:59 PM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,661,906 times
Reputation: 1257
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
how old are the daughter and BF?
They are 18 and 19. She is a senior, he graduated last year.
Believe me. I like this kid. Don't want to break them up. Just want a night where I can sit around the house in my nightgown! If they are not at my house, they are at his. His parent's love her. I know that I am lucky in so many ways. They are good kids. They do not drink, use drugs, etc. They both have good jobs and are working on college degrees. I just wish they didn't have to spend EVERY night in each other's company. I wish that dinner could just be my kids once in awhile. It seems they either eat at his house, our house or out. Seven nights a week. Just wish she would see her girlfriends more often, us more often (without him). I know I should count my blessings but...just a little privacy would be nice.
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:00 PM
 
897 posts, read 2,233,636 times
Reputation: 305
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom View Post
They are 18 and 19. She is a senior, he graduated last year.
Believe me. I like this kid. Don't want to break them up. Just want a night where I can sit around the house in my nightgown! If they are not at my house, they are at his. His parent's love her. I know that I am lucky in so many ways. They are good kids. They do not drink, use drugs, etc. They both have good jobs and are working on college degrees. I just wish they didn't have to spend EVERY night in each other's company. I wish that dinner could just be my kids once in awhile. It seems they either eat at his house, our house or out. Seven nights a week. Just wish she would see her girlfriends more often, us more often (without him). I know I should count my blessings but...just a little privacy would be nice.
I am going thru the same exact thing- My D is 17 her BF is 18 she's a Jr he's a Senior- they spend more time at his house b/c it's more fun -I do like him alot but we never get time together as a family- she actually has very few girlfriends which really bugs me but she prefers to be with him than a bunch of girls- they are almost grown so they have to make these choices unfortunately and they know everything - HAHA!!
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Old 05-18-2010, 06:33 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,760 posts, read 8,387,579 times
Reputation: 13107
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom View Post
They are 18 and 19. She is a senior, he graduated last year.
Believe me. I like this kid. Don't want to break them up. Just want a night where I can sit around the house in my nightgown! If they are not at my house, they are at his. His parent's love her. I know that I am lucky in so many ways. They are good kids. They do not drink, use drugs, etc. They both have good jobs and are working on college degrees. I just wish they didn't have to spend EVERY night in each other's company. I wish that dinner could just be my kids once in awhile. It seems they either eat at his house, our house or out. Seven nights a week. Just wish she would see her girlfriends more often, us more often (without him). I know I should count my blessings but...just a little privacy would be nice.
Have you told your daughter how you feel? No one is a mind-reader.
She probably has no clue about your privacy issues or anything else you mentioned.

Talk to her.
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