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I agree with you for the most part, but I think the OP did not take teen parents into account. It sounded to me like she was talking about early to mid twenties and married.
The trend is to marry later and have children later.
IMO, that same trend is why so many young adults 18-24 or so still live with parents and play video games and take no responsibility of growing up. The mentality of young adults and their parents seems to be that they are still kids well into their twenties and they have no business having children that young.
The OP said she and her boyfriend are 20, 21 and they have a 2 year old, so I took this thread to be about teen parents since they would have been 18, 19 when they started having kids.
I really don't think most people have much against hard working couples who have a child in their mid-20s. I think it's because of the high welfare rates of teen parents there is an issue.
Sure some people might think 25 is still on the youngish side for starting a family but at that point, the worst they might think is that it's younger than they would choose to be but the earning ability of a 25 or 26 year old should be good enough since by then they've either got a college degree or several years into a job.
18 or 19 is a bit young - but mostly because of the ability to support the children - not that many 18 or 19 years olds are earning enough money. Of course there are the exceptions who are very responsible, hard working and pay all the costs themselves. There are 19 year olds who already have 4 years of working under their belt and already pay into health insurance - so it's one thing for them to decide to start a family -- quite another for those with no job skills or job to do so.
Well i dont think we are too young, yes we are young. My partner works in health insurance and YES young teen parents can have high paying jobs in banks (like my partner) and not have payments from the government. Young parents are able to provide just as well as older parents and sometimes there are older parents on welfare! I live in New Zealand not Usa, heres its so common fr 16-18 year oldsd to ahve been out of home for a long time (i was and worked since i was 14) work and flat and go to school. Its almost normal here. The odd thing to see is a 20 year old still at home.
My wife and I are in our mid-twenties, and we had our son when we were 26 years old. However, we both look much younger than we actually, and it is quite obvious a lot of people assume we are teen parents.
Anyway, I was working in Chandler, AZ for Wells Fargo Bank as a UNIX Programmer making very good money. It was Valentines Day and I decided that I wanted to do something special for my wife. I had my parents watch our son, and I purchased a weekend for us at Enchantment Resort, with a Valentine's dinner.
I wanted to get my wife something nice to wear for the evening, so we headed to Macy's at Chandler Fashion Center mall (we had our son with us). As we were looking in the store I noticed that not a single sales associate approached us. We were looking for a specific dress and could not find it on the racks, so I decided to approach them if they would not approach us. I saw two sales associates standing around talking to one another. I approached them, they noticed me, and I said "I'm looking for a little assistance finding a dress." The sales associates both looked at me, then looked at each other and resumed talking to one another. They both completely blew me off.
Finally, after about 10 more minutes looking around, a sales associate asked us if we needed help. He was very helpful, even assisting me in finding a good fitting collared shirt. The sales associate took us to the counter when we were done and checked us out. When he was done scanning all the clothes he entered a code, or something, and our total dropped quite a bit. He said to us that he was giving us a discount, because at one point in his life he was in our shoes. I asked him what he meant, and he said "I had my first kid at 16, I know how hard it can be with money." I didn't tell him that we were not teens, because honestly he was a very nice guy and was the only person to take any time to help us. I thanked him for his charity and left the store.
I could have told those Macy's salespeople that I made at least twice as much as they did in a year, but I chose not to. It bothered me, but it was not worth my time to make a scene. We still get stares all the time when we are out shopping. It's annoying, but that's just how people are. I say screw them. I am happy with my life, doing very well financially, and supporting my son. I could care less if people approve of our situation.
The people who make rude comments, or stare, have no lives of their own. They are the type of people that follow celebrities. Why? They have nothing going for themselves. A lot of them are just jealous because their ovaries are slowing drying up. Trust me, my sister is one of those people. She's always wanted a family, but things have never worked out for her. She's entering her 30s and she still does not have a man. She's angry and bitter, and totally the type that talks a bunch of crap. I just laugh inside at these nose-up-in-the-air worthless human beings. That's why, even though I have money, I do not shop at places like Nordstroms. I would never want to fit in with these people who are not worth the air they breathe.
I had my first son when I was 21. I have two sisters that became mothers when they were 40. My brother also had his first kid at 40. Weird huh?
My SIL told my that in the upscale community where she lives, there is a huge special needs program. I told her I was surprised, I expected it to be in an area where there are a lot of mothers that abuse drugs. She said most of the women in that affluent area waited until they were in their late 30s and early 40s to have kids, that's why they were so rich. However, having kids later in life makes it more likely to have a special-needs child.
I never thought about that aspect. I knew that my family would be more financially challenged as I never finished school, but I guess I'm lucky both of my kids are healthy. Everything is a give and take.
I had my first son when I was 21. I have two sisters that became mothers when they were 40. My brother also had his first kid at 40. Weird huh?
My SIL told my that in the upscale community where she lives, there is a huge special needs program. I told her I was surprised, I expected it to be in an area where there are a lot of mothers that abuse drugs. She said most of the women in that affluent area waited until they were in their late 30s and early 40s to have kids, that's why they were so rich. However, having kids later in life makes it more likely to have a special-needs child.
I never thought about that aspect. I knew that my family would be more financially challenged as I never finished school, but I guess I'm lucky both of my kids are healthy. Everything is a give and take.
Tried to rep you here but can't again just yet.
Interesting possible connection. Sure makes one think. Although you would find NONE of those older mothers anywhere admitting they waited too long and it's their fault their kids are special needs.
People blame autism and other inflictions on immunizations and other things, but I wonder how much is due to waiting to parent until so much older.
Honestly, im getting a little fed up. I am a young mother. My son is almost 2 and i AM with the father before you ask. We have been togeather for 4 years. Through out my pregnancy i had bad looks and tut's and shakes of heads at me. Thats SO not fair. I took responsibility for my actions and kept my baby. Teen pregnancy isnt something people should be tutting!You would rather once she finds out shes pregnant go and have an abortion. No! Because everyones anti abortion aswell. Young parents need support JUST like any other parent! They have long days at work or/and uni! Then come home and cook tea and look after there child. They also work there ass's off to earn and show there child morals and teach them. Young mums love there children with all tehre heart and get everything there child needs! A parents a parent.
You should be proud..And yes your right young parents need support too.
Keep up the good job you make all good parents proud..
Ahhhh....and here is the dilemma that I have. I too agree think its nice to support people in all walks of life who are trying, but need a little extra help. However, I think some programs have been counterproductive. In our state, as in most places, we've created a plethora of benefits for unmarried teen mothers. To offer them "support" of course. I'm talking special schools, daycare at highschool for their infants, subsidized housing, WIC, food stamps, Medicaid, and Baby-Your-Baby. The programs are counterproductive in the sense that since we've enacted them the rate of out-of-wedlock pregnancy has jumped through the roof. We don't solve a problem--we make it worse.
I'm not saying the OP is taking all these benefits. For all I know, she is truly doing this on her home. It doesn't change the fact though that as society we are supporting hundreds of thousands of teen mothers this way. In some hospitals, almost all births are paid for by Medicaid.
I don't feel that young mothers who get pregnant out-of-wedlock should have to wear a scarlet letter and suffer for the rest of their lives. However, the reality is that all stigma revolving around having a child out-of-wedlock has just about disappeared and I'm not at all sure this is a good thing.
In the fifties, sixties, and even the seventies in some places a pregnancy like this would have resulted in the mother looking at options like adoption. No more. I've talked to social workers and others who describe scenes at the public school where all the girls sit around telling a pregnant fifteen year old girl that she'll be a "great mother" and she "can make it on her own". Above all, they'll tell her "don't listen to the naysayers". Of course, their idea of her "making it" is signing up for thousands of dollars of the benefits I've named above.
I'm sure not all young mothers are bad. I bet some try really hard to be the best they can be. However, psychological maturity counts for something and honestly I haven't found that many 14, 15, and 16 year olds that are there.
Interesting possible connection. Sure makes one think. Although you would find NONE of those older mothers anywhere admitting they waited too long and it's their fault their kids are special needs.
People blame autism and other inflictions on immunizations and other things, but I wonder how much is due to waiting to parent until so much older.
I alluded to this in an earlier post, albeit in a much less direct way.
If you crack open any pregnancy book and read down the percentage chances of having either an issue with the pregnancy or the baby having issues at birth or later, you will see that once you hit 30 the odds of having an issue start to sky rocket from there. Once you are in your late 30's and early 40's it is almost as common to have an issue as it is to have a "normal" pregnancy and baby.
I have never seen a study that tried to tie maternal age to the rates of autism, ADD, etc. but I think it would be interesting to see it done. My guess is that the parents will look to blame anything before themselves, but it would make sense to me.
The interesting corollary is that everyone is harped on the welfare expense's incurred by society when it comes to supporting teen mothers. I wonder what the cost to society is in terms of increased issues do to maternal age? If there is a link I imagine that the cost of special education alone (which is generally fully born by local taxpayers) would far outstrip the rather negligible expense of WIC, medicaid, etc. on a per child basis. Which would beg the question who is more a burden to society, older mothers whose children have a greater likelihood of having issues that require greater than normal care/education or teen mom's who need some help with formula and doctors bills?
How insensitive and arrogant can you get. You don't know what went into play for these "older" Moms who might experience less than perfect children. Maybe they had miscarriages for many years, maybe their marriages were not stable and they didn't want to bring children into that situation, maybe there were other fertility or health issues on the part of one or both parents.
I thought this whole thread was about not making assumptions based on simply what we see. Rude and stupid comments come from all sources but please don't "blame" parents when they have special needs kids. This can and does happen at every age. These parents have enough to deal with without having somebody say "it was your fault cause you waited too long."
Please....
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