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My son's friend's parents hold him strictly accountable for his grades. That's cool because he works very hard at keeping his grades up so he can have privileges. Unfortunately, he struggles in English and risks failing that class since his grades for the last three quarters were B, F, F. He has a C right now, but he risks falling to an F very quickly for the fourth quarter. (I think he has a learning disability in the language arts in addition to his ADD.)
Last week, I was visiting at their house. He came out of his room and announced to us that he was having trouble reading To Kill A Mockingbird----couldn't understand any of it. I squealed that I loved the book. His parents asked me if I would help him. Of course, I willingly accepted and told his parents that I would buy the book---it has been 30 years since I read it. I bought the book on Saturday and finished it over the weekend.
He's chapters behind the rest of the class and they have already had some quizzes. When I got his work schedule for the week, tomorrow after school works best for me to help him study. BUT HIS FATHER says he can't study tomorrow because he has to chores. PLEASE! I would think that my schedule should matter. Afterall, I'm offering to help tutor their child! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND why chores would be more important than studying since they hold grades as the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the family. I'M SO FRUSTRATED!
Why do people put their children in lose/lose situations? The kid isn't going to get any help. He's 50 pages behind the class and doesn't understand anything. He failed one quiz and the teacher temporarily postponed his taking the next two quizzes until Wednesday (day after tomorrow). Tomorrow afternoon is the only time I have to help. He'll fail the class. And he'll be grounded for the entire summer. It almost seems like they want him to fail so they can ground him.
Unfortunately, I think there are people out there that DO want their kids to fail. It's a way of keeping control. If he's grounded all summer they can deny him whatever they feel like without anything more than bringing up his English grade. So much easier than actually having to think about each thing a teen wants to do. Plus they can keep on making him feel stupid and worthless. It just amazes me that people have children then don't want them to succeed. Or feel that the most appropriate way to do this is to ingrain in them a feeling of worthlessness or inferiority. Very sad.
You say, "his parents" asked you to help. But was it indeed both of his parents or was it just the mom? Are you sure the boys dad was really "on board" with you helping him or maybe just didn't want to speak up at the time? What is your relationship with the dad? Its the dad who said the boy had to do chores at the time you had available to help the son. Maybe the dad, for some reason isn't keen on having you tutor the boy and just doesn't know how to come out and say that diplomatically so he's finding excuses. Maybe try offering the family the name of a good, professional tutor (if you know of one.) Sometimes, there's an undercurrent that goes on amongst family/friend relationships that just makes these seemingly helpful situations just not work. Good luck.
I had a son who was in gifted and he wouldn't have wanted to read that book either. Nothing wrong with the book, but some kids just don't find it interesting. I feel sorry for a lot of kids out there. Between the school's expectations and so many daft parents....no wonder these kids are all messed up emotionally.
I agree with steelstress... I'd share your outlook on this with the boy's parents- in a softer tone though and leave out the part about maybe they want him to fail. Essentially I'd point out how important grades are to them and if they are serious about having you help their son, then maybe they could make an exception with his chores so that he can get caught up (up to speed) with the rest of the class on the book. Say, you offered because you care and think you could indeed help him, but your schedule is a little tight right now.
Hopefully these parents are on board together and aren't trying to sabotage their son. That would be bad.
Don't make so much of the 'chores' thing. The father may have said that because the real reason isn't any of your business. Just ask the boy to give you a call when he has time to go over the book.
You could also help him via Email. My daughter had a tutor 1000 miles away in NYC for months. They Emailed back and forth a few times each week for months. They learned a lot from each other even though he is a teacher and she's a teen.
The father may have said that because the real reason isn't any of your business. Just ask the boy to give you a call when he has time to go over the book.
Except the boy's parents are the ones that requested she help. Typically, when you are asking someone for a favor, you do it at their convenience not yours. That's simply common courtesy. Chores or other family obligations may need to be rearranged if this is what worked for the person who is willing to help.
Except the boy's parents are the ones that requested she help. Typically, when you are asking someone for a favor, you do it at their convenience not yours. That's simply common courtesy. Chores or other family obligations may need to be rearranged if this is what worked for the person who is willing to help.
Ok, whatever; but I think she's making too much of nothing. Instead of making it a big deal, all she has to do is give the boy a call and they can either talk it over on the phone or through email. Through Email, it can be at the convience of both.
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PLEASE! I would think that my schedule should matter. Afterall, I'm offering to help tutor their child! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND why chores would be more important than studying since they hold grades as the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the family. I'M SO FRUSTRATED!
