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My Mom hasn't worked in over 18 years.....and even if she weren't watching my daughter she'd be doing the same thing she's doing now...at home, watching TV or yapping on the phone with her friends. PLUS, half the day my sister/brother have my daughter (who, BTW, is 18 months), so it's not like my Mom is at home alone with her. I KNOW I should be grateful (and I am!), BUT part of me still can't wrap my mind around paying her to watch her grandchild! I couldn't imagine doing that...either I'm gonna watch the child or I'm not.....why should money play a factor? It's not like she quit her job or could be working instead...she'd be doing the same thing she's doing now!
She's a grandma, not a built in babysitter. I sit my grandchildren only occasionally. I didn't raise my kids to have to do it all over again. Kids wear you down, even when they're being good. Too much energy. I love my grandkids, but not my job to raise another family.You should be d*** grateful that you have someone you can trust to watch them. Even though she may only be sitting watching tv, she has raised her kids, this is HER time. You sound very selfish. Would you watch your sisters kids every workday for free?? I think not.
I have something that really bugs me about my Mom and I’m wondering if I’m being selfish, etc for feeling this way.
My Mom watches my daughter while I go to work. I pay her for doing this; it’s not a large amount of money, I save probably 50% off of daycare rates. BUT, I’m PISSED that I have to pay her! She’s my *Mom*, it’s her grandchild. My mother has not worked outside of the home in over 18 years (my stepfather supports the household). Sometimes, money gets tight for her, so I know she could use the money, but other times, it’s mainly throw-away money to her…..and my household could use it! I just don’t understand why she’d charge me for babysitting….Am I naïve to believe she should do this for free? Not to mention that at home with her are my 18 y/o sister, her boyfriend and my 22 y/o brother. They all have my daughter throughout the day, so this isn’t an instance of my mother doing “all the work” all day.
And another thing…..when I (or my older sister who has kids…and also paid Mom before her kids were school-aged), my Mom wants to be paid! She says it jokingly, but she does! I usually don’t pay her for this….I mean, I understand that babysitting is a job, but when did watching one’s grandchild become so mercenary?
My 22 y/o brother had a girl LIVING in my Mom’s house for about a year (she just moved out and that’s only because her and my brother broke up!), my Mom griped about not getting rent, but she NEVER demanded it from her. And this was a 22 y/o woman with a $20/hour full-time job.
I know my reasons are probably baseless. But a part of me finds it REALLY offensive that I have to pay my Mom to watch her grandchild.
You're kidding, right? You think your mother should give up large chunks of her time to watch a child that's not her own, and not be compensated? We're not talking about watching the child for a few hours at her convenience, while you go out to the movies or something. We're talking about her doing a job. Would you do your job for nothing?
I pay my Mom cash and she does file taxes every year (through exemptions she has no tax penalty). If that's not a good system, I'd love to know how to fix. Thanks.
I spoke to a friend who's an accountant this afternoon. If I understood her correctly, as long as the annual total is under $11k/yr ($12k as of 2010), you can give the money to a family member under the gift clause without any tax implications. However, if your mother is under the age of 65, she might want claim the money as income for social security purposes.
Actually, I do get the general gist of the responders:
-I should be grateful that grandma is willing (which I am)
-I should be grateful about not paying full cost (which I am)
-I should be grateful that she's giving up her free time to watch my daughter (which I am)
My POINT is that why does this gratitude have to equal $$? Why does everything have to boil down to the mighty dollar? I'm not bedgruding her the $$ (well, maybe I am )...I just am baffled about paying a grandmother for childcare. Yes, watching my daughter all week is babysitting, but why does that translate into payment?
I often watch my nieces for my SIL. They are welcome to come over for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon, or every once in a while during the week. If the school calls because the older one is sick and SIL can't get her (she's a bus driver, so she can't just leave once she starts her run), I happily drive three towns over to pick her up, and will wait with her at her house or will bring her back to mine. No problem, and I do not charge her. My kids like playing with hers, and we do some fun projects together... plus I love my nieces, and I want to have a relationship with them.
HOWEVER, if SIL asked me to watch them all day, every day? Of course I'd expect payment. I have two of my own children, who I am home with (we actually homeschool)... so I'd be home (or out and about with kids) anyway, but two extra little girls creates a lot more work for me. There is the extra entertaining, the extra cleaning, extra food prep, extra refereeing, diaper changing with the little one, and the list goes on. Once in a while, or even once per week, I can chalk up to auntie spending time with her nieces. But every day? No.
It is not unreasonable for your mom to expect to get paid for daily daycare duties. I do think it's a bit unreasonable for her to ask to get paid for watching her grandchild one or two evenings per month while you and your husband go out for a few hours, though. I think it would be prudent to discuss the difference with her and see if you can come up with a compromise that both of you can live with. To expect her to care for your child for 40 hours per week for free, though? No, that's not reasonable.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocLot
You guys are somehow missing my point. I don't have a sense of entitlement; I don't feel like my mother MUST watch my child ; and I 100% appreciate having her around to do this for me. BUT...her decision to watch my daughter is 100% hers.....she says she wants to be the one to watch her and I'm sooo thankful for that. BUT.....if she willingly watches her, why does there have to be compensation? If my mother refused to watch my daughter, I would pay the going rate....that's not really the issue....my issue is having to pay a grandmother at all!! LOL; I know it seems selfish of me, but I just can't wrap my mind around a grandmother charging to watch their grandchild..if this is something they aren't been forced/pressured into doing and is instead what they want to do.
I have four beautiful children...my Mother has watched them all....and to be honest, I've never truly felt happy about paying my mother to keep them. All of them, at various ages, did attend daycare because I wanted them to have social interaction with other children. Again, my point is NOT saving daycare costs....my point is really having to pay a grandmother at all. Guess I need to "get over it".
What I was trying to say in my last post (deleted) was--and I'm rephrasing to ask with the utmost sincerity, not sarcasm or mean-spiritedness so as to help you look at it differently since you seem to be seeking--why do you say you'd be ok to pay the full rate if your mom refused to watch her but you're not ok with paying half of what a daycare of strangers would charge as it is? I'm not understanding this part.
Btw, I watch my brother's 3 kids for half of what a daycare charges. It's a lot of work.
And it's the expectation that you expect it done for free that is absolutely fascinating.
You are annoyed that something is being expected from you from someone you want to bow to your feet b/c you produced a grandchild for her.
She's done raising children.
Now it's your turn. Give it a try
Sigh..I don't *expect* my Mom to raise my child and certainly not to bow at my feet. She has 7 grandchildren, so I reallize I'm not offering up the golden child here. I guess I'm just not okay with paying family. But I'll get over it.
I guess I'm just not okay with paying family. But I'll get over it.
people should treat their family better than they do friends or strangers. but most people save their best for outsiders. you really do need to either talk to your mom about how you feel, get over it and move on or send your child to day care if it is hurting your relationship with her. good luck
I discussed this issue with a few people this afternoon, and one point that came up repeatedly was the tax implications of your arrangement. Are you issuing your mom a 1099-B or a W2? You must do so if you are paying her in excess of a certain amount per year. It used to be $600, but the last time I had to look up the information was many years ago, so I'm sure it's changed. My guess is that this has been a casual agreement, and you haven't researched it. If that is indeed the case, I strongly recommend that you look into it and then discuss what you find with your mother. The ensuing conversation will give you an opportunity to pursue other options if necessary and lessen the awkwardness of the situation if you must make changes.
Neither one of those apply unless g'ma goes to mom's house and be claimed as an employee. If that were the case, then mom would be in tax trouble for not paying taxes as an employer.
Instead, g'ma would be issuing mom a W-10 for her services provided in child care, if she's running it as a child care business.
It is income for g'ma from services rendered, not wages from an employer.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocLot
Sigh..I don't *expect* my Mom to raise my child and certainly not to bow at my feet. She has 7 grandchildren, so I reallize I'm not offering up the golden child here. I guess I'm just not okay with paying family. But I'll get over it.
The way I weigh it out is, would I expect someone to babysit for nothing for me just because they're family? A resounding no, I could not only not expect it but I couldn't accept it. In fact, if I had the choice, I'd gladly pay a family member full price rather than pay strangers who have no love for my child. Peace of mind.
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I couldn't imagine doing that...either I'm gonna watch the child or I'm not.....why should money play a factor? It's not like she quit her job or could be working instead...she'd be doing the same thing she's doing now!
I don't feel like my mother MUST watch my child 
; and I 100% appreciate having her around to do this for me.
