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Old 05-28-2010, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Metro DC area
4,521 posts, read 3,825,776 times
Reputation: 1286

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I have something that really bugs me about my Mom and I’m wondering if I’m being selfish, etc for feeling this way.

My Mom watches my daughter while I go to work. I pay her for doing this; it’s not a large amount of money, I save probably 50% off of daycare rates. BUT, I’m PISSED that I have to pay her! She’s my *Mom*, it’s her grandchild. My mother has not worked outside of the home in over 18 years (my stepfather supports the household). Sometimes, money gets tight for her, so I know she could use the money, but other times, it’s mainly throw-away money to her…..and my household could use it! I just don’t understand why she’d charge me for babysitting….Am I naïve to believe she should do this for free? Not to mention that at home with her are my 18 y/o sister, her boyfriend and my 22 y/o brother. They all have my daughter throughout the day, so this isn’t an instance of my mother doing “all the work” all day.

And another thing…..when I (or my older sister who has kids…and also paid Mom before her kids were school-aged), my Mom wants to be paid! She says it jokingly, but she does! I usually don’t pay her for this….I mean, I understand that babysitting is a job, but when did watching one’s grandchild become so mercenary?

My 22 y/o brother had a girl LIVING in my Mom’s house for about a year (she just moved out and that’s only because her and my brother broke up!), my Mom griped about not getting rent, but she NEVER demanded it from her. And this was a 22 y/o woman with a $20/hour full-time job.

I know my reasons are probably baseless. But a part of me finds it REALLY offensive that I have to pay my Mom to watch her grandchild.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 18,373,977 times
Reputation: 9360
Why should her time be worth any less than anyone else's? Just because she's your mother, you're entitled? I don't think so. It doesn't matter what the money is to her, it's her time and her money to do with as she pleases, whether you think she needs it or not. I'd just be grateful someone I truly trust was watching my kids and I was getting a 50% discount over what anyone else would charge me. Count your blessings.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:16 PM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,928,995 times
Reputation: 1502
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocLot View Post
I have something that really bugs me about my Mom and I’m wondering if I’m being selfish, etc for feeling this way.

My Mom watches my daughter while I go to work. I pay her for doing this; it’s not a large amount of money, I save probably 50% off of daycare rates. BUT, I’m PISSED that I have to pay her! She’s my *Mom*, it’s her grandchild. My mother has not worked outside of the home in over 18 years (my stepfather supports the household). Sometimes, money gets tight for her, so I know she could use the money, but other times, it’s mainly throw-away money to her…..and my household could use it! I just don’t understand why she’d charge me for babysitting….Am I naïve to believe she should do this for free? Not to mention that at home with her are my 18 y/o sister, her boyfriend and my 22 y/o brother. They all have my daughter throughout the day, so this isn’t an instance of my mother doing “all the work” all day.

And another thing…..when I (or my older sister who has kids…and also paid Mom before her kids were school-aged), my Mom wants to be paid! She says it jokingly, but she does! I usually don’t pay her for this….I mean, I understand that babysitting is a job, but when did watching one’s grandchild become so mercenary?

My 22 y/o brother had a girl LIVING in my Mom’s house for about a year (she just moved out and that’s only because her and my brother broke up!), my Mom griped about not getting rent, but she NEVER demanded it from her. And this was a 22 y/o woman with a $20/hour full-time job.

I know my reasons are probably baseless. But a part of me finds it REALLY offensive that I have to pay my Mom to watch her grandchild.
How ironic that you brought up this topic. My Mother baby-sits for my sister all the time and guess what- she collects too! Not all the time but my Mom’s view is “I could be working but instead I’m helping you so you need to make up some of the difference”. It also doesn’t help that my sisters husband is an admitted tightwad/money-grubber, and I really don’t think my Mom would charge her if he weren’t in the picture. I think she wants to “stick it to him” every opportunity that she gets so I know that plays a major role in my Mothers motive. So to answer your question, no you aren’t the only one paying for Grammy's labor.

Last edited by NorthDeKalb; 05-28-2010 at 12:26 PM..
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Metro DC area
4,521 posts, read 3,825,776 times
Reputation: 1286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
Why should her time be worth any less than anyone else's? Just because she's your mother, you're entitled? I don't think so. It doesn't matter what the money is to her, it's her time and her money to do with as she pleases, whether you think she needs it or not. I'd just be grateful someone I truly trust was watching my kids and I was getting a 50% discount over what anyone else would charge me. Count your blessings.
My Mom hasn't worked in over 18 years.....and even if she weren't watching my daughter she'd be doing the same thing she's doing now...at home, watching TV or yapping on the phone with her friends. PLUS, half the day my sister/brother have my daughter (who, BTW, is 18 months), so it's not like my Mom is at home alone with her. I KNOW I should be grateful (and I am!), BUT part of me still can't wrap my mind around paying her to watch her grandchild! I couldn't imagine doing that...either I'm gonna watch the child or I'm not.....why should money play a factor? It's not like she quit her job or could be working instead...she'd be doing the same thing she's doing now!
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Metro DC area
4,521 posts, read 3,825,776 times
Reputation: 1286
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMAZBOI4U View Post
How ironic that you brought up this topic. My Mother baby-sits for my sister all the time and guess what- she collects too! Not all the time but my Mom’s view isI could be working but instead I’m helping you so you need to make up some of the difference”. It also doesn’t help that my sisters husband is an admitted tightwad/money-grubber, and I really don’t think my Mom would charge her if he weren’t in the picture. I think she wants to “stick it to him” every opportunity that she gets so I know that plays a major role in my Mothers motive. So to answer your question, no you aren’t the only one paying for Grammy's labor.
I guess if that was the case with me, I could understand things better. BUT, it would take a HUGE catastrophe for my Mom to work...she's just not gonna do it....to be honest, it's because she's too lazy.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:31 PM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,928,995 times
Reputation: 1502
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocLot View Post
I guess if that was the case with me, I could understand things better. BUT, it would take a HUGE catastrophe for my Mom to work...she's just not gonna do it....to be honest, it's because she's too lazy.
Ohh okay, my Mother is the exact opposite. She's 64 and refuses to retire anytime soon. She's always been one of those people that just can't sit still for long periods of time so she actually likes working. Sounds like Mom is "about her bread"-lol
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Chicago's Finest
106 posts, read 243,802 times
Reputation: 90
It sounds like you have a pretty close family. Despite the over all feeling. You said it yourself that it is 50% less than market childcare. Please listen to someone that does not have any assitance. Pay. It just makes everything stable and equal. It not that she is charging one sister and not the other its just everyone deserves something. You all have it a bit easier. Your bill is less, you worry less about your childs care, im sure she can understand if you're running late where a center or anyone else would charge you. She gets the relief of having your brother and sister around to help so that she doesn't get overwhelmed and gets to enjoy what she do. You're a Family you support and assist one another. By no means does FREE have anything to do with it. Trust me take any one person out of your equation and it will get harder for one, and then another and another. Things are good yes you can use the money but, you also realize you are getting by... which maybe Im wrong but just maybe you would really be worse paying the full price to someone else. If you are having a hard time. Be open with her. Ask if there is anything she is able to work out during a tight time for you maybe she will accept 25% for a month or so....By all means don't insult her and offer nothing. Always offer something.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
2,637 posts, read 11,512,448 times
Reputation: 3567
Grandmother does not equal free babysitter.

Of course her time is worth your money, you're getting a steal here - sitting service by someone who actually CARES about your child, for half the price you'd pay to someone who doesn't.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Oxford, Connecticut
526 posts, read 894,455 times
Reputation: 570
My mother retired early to watch both of my kids when they were little. I paid her and it was well worth it. Much less than daycare and she was using her gas, feeding them with her food etc. Why shouldn't she have been compensated.
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Old 05-28-2010, 12:57 PM
 
14,781 posts, read 37,921,582 times
Reputation: 14476
I've had it both ways. When my son was born my MIL watched him for free while my wife worked. It was convenient as we lived really close to each other and we literally drove past their street on the way to work. My MIL hasn't worked for several years and doesn't really need to. She offered to do it before my son was born as she didn't want him in daycare, which was our only other option.

My wife stopped working around the time number 2 was born and became a SAHM. My MIL was still around a lot and would frequently help my wife out taking care of the kids during my wifes pregnancies or when she needed an extra hand.

A few months back my wife was contemplating a return to work. The money she could earn would afford us a few niceties that we just can't afford on one salary. The issue was what to do with the girls (22 and 6 months) and what to do with my son for school as he is currently in a half day preschool program and won't be in full day Kindergarten until next year. To complicate matters we had recently moved to a new town about 20 miles away from our families. My MIL offered to come to our house each day and watch the kids, but she needed compensation. We sort of agreed to $600 a month which would cover her travel expenses and leave her with a little extra money that she could use.

Ultimately I think it is fair for a grandparent to recieve financial compensation for "day care" services. However, things need to be on your terms in that case.

As for baby sitting we generally tried to not use my MIL for nights/weekends if we could avoid it while she was watching my son full time. My parents took on that role. Even when we were discussing paying her to come to our house she was clear that she would never expect money for occasional night/weekend baby sitting as she thought that was part of a normal grandparent job.
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