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IMO, kids shouldn't get praised for every little thing they do in life. Life isn't like that. HOWEVER, I do think they should get praised for doing something well. Overdoing praise leaves kids with a false sense of accomplishment and an inflated view of themselves.
Not everybody will see your child as spectacular, or even special, so if they think everything they do deserves praise and they don't get it from anybody except you, they will not have the confidence to try and fail in their lives.
Instead of being successful in anything for themselves and satisfied on their own whether anyone is around to see or not, they will always look to people around them to validate and approve.
Praise should be reserved for accomplishments but not overdone.
Agreed. I praise my son for his accomplishments when deserved and when he needs a pick me up, but I also don't have an issue pointing out areas where he could improve and helping him do it.
Baseball was an interesting one for this. My son is a pretty good baseball player in his own right, but a couple of the kids on the team are definitely better than he is. He wanted to quit because he wasn't the best after only a couple practices. We turned it around and we worked together to improve his game. I never told him he was the best, but I told him was good and had a natural talent and he could be the best if he worked at it. I always made sure to praise him for a good play and encouraged him to try harder when he made a bad play. It worked very well and he learned a lot this year in baseball and improved his game a lot. Praise and focus on the positives while helping him to realize and improve on the negatives. His coach is already asking if he will be playing next year and if he would be on his team again.
On the other hand I see parents at the games tell their kids that they are the best when they can barely throw the ball and couldn't make a catch to save their lives. Yes, the game is about fun and that comes first, but I think these parents are doing a disservice to their kids giving them false praise.
School work is another area for this. My son is working on his writing and he'll bring me things he writes. I always praise him for the effort and point out the good as well as the bad and help him to improve.
Overt praise for the sake of praise is detrimental IMO. Telling someone they are the best won't make them the best. Being realistic and telling them they can be the best if they work hard and helping them along the way and praising their accomplishments will make them the best.
I liked to praise for effort, whether the effort was 100% successful or not. I always figured success was it's own reward.
I had a family member that praised her daughter continuously for looking pretty, I never really understood that, it's not like the kid did anything.
I think whats wrong with my entire generation (im 23) is too much praise in the early years. I have a friend who was literally praised for everything she did growing up and now she is entering the work force and expects a pat on the back for EVERYTHING. she is always complaining how no one appreciates her and no one ever says good job to her. It's your job! They don't have to thank you for it!
I praise a job well done... even if the job isn't successful as long as my child(ren) gave it the best s/he has. I do NOT praise for
for getting up in the AM
doing chores
any accomplishment well below his/her ability
anything that is not worthy of an "atta boy"
I DO give " I love you's" without hesitation. I think "I love you's" are more encouraging and a pat on the back. I love my kids even when they fail, but I am not going to express pride in something that any average child can do.
Too much of anything is bad. Too much praise either creates a child that can no longer perform without praise, a child that doesn't believe your praise any longer and resents you or a child that no one wants to be around because they think they are better than they are.
Appropriate praise when warranted will go much farther then praising for the sake of praising.
Ah it's so easy to be negative or to criticise.
So I try to praise whever I see a child doing or even trying to do something good.
Philosophically thinking that maybe too much priase could lead to the situation where priase is expected for everything and that kids would not be able to operate without the attention. Hower I would rather err on the side of too much praise than constant criticism that some kids have to endure.
Agreed. I praise my son for his accomplishments when deserved and when he needs a pick me up, but I also don't have an issue pointing out areas where he could improve and helping him do it.
Baseball was an interesting one for this. My son is a pretty good baseball player in his own right, but a couple of the kids on the team are definitely better than he is. He wanted to quit because he wasn't the best after only a couple practices. We turned it around and we worked together to improve his game. I never told him he was the best, but I told him was good and had a natural talent and he could be the best if he worked at it. I always made sure to praise him for a good play and encouraged him to try harder when he made a bad play. It worked very well and he learned a lot this year in baseball and improved his game a lot. Praise and focus on the positives while helping him to realize and improve on the negatives. His coach is already asking if he will be playing next year and if he would be on his team again.
On the other hand I see parents at the games tell their kids that they are the best when they can barely throw the ball and couldn't make a catch to save their lives. Yes, the game is about fun and that comes first, but I think these parents are doing a disservice to their kids giving them false praise.
School work is another area for this. My son is working on his writing and he'll bring me things he writes. I always praise him for the effort and point out the good as well as the bad and help him to improve.
Overt praise for the sake of praise is detrimental IMO. Telling someone they are the best won't make them the best. Being realistic and telling them they can be the best if they work hard and helping them along the way and praising their accomplishments will make them the best.
Exactly.
And even when they aren't the best, if they DO their best warrants praise as well. As long as there is an honest effort made and the best job they are capable of doing, I've praised.
The right amount of praise mixed with encouragement (as NJGOAT did) makes a child want to try harder and get better. When they get praise for doing nothing, they don't try because they don't have to.
Do you believe that too much praise can harm your child(ren)?
Most definitely!
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