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I have a friend who's niece, 9 years old, is just a chore. I typically decline offers to go to this girl's house because it is exhausting to be around her. I caved and went to a gathering at this little girl's home this weekend. She really likes my son, who is grown and great with kids. However, he is skiddish when it comes to too much contact, knowing how it can be misconstrued as something less than innocent, especially with little girls.
This little girl has a nasty habit of kicking and slapping, pushing and shoving. She'd jump on him when he was sitting down, grabbing at his shirt, wanting to wrestle. He'd tell her to "please" stop, she wouldn't listen. Her mother would tell her to quit, she wouldn't listen. She was literally told 7 times, between my son, my friend and her mother, to stop. She wouldn't. I finally called her by her name and motioned her over to me. I calmly told her that 7 times was more than enough for her to get the message and that she had better keep her hands to herself or we would not be coming to visit her anymore. She gave me the look of death and walked away. LOL.
On the ride back, my friend told me I was a little hard on her. This is what they're used to in their family (wresting, horse play) and that it's really not her fault. I told her that I don't care what they do to each other. It is not acceptable for her to be hitting and kicking people to begin with, let alone after being asked and told 7times to stop. Not everyone raises their kids to do this and not everyone is going to accept it because this is what she is "used to". She shrugged. I can tell she was offended. She'll get over it....or not.
7 times. After the second, I would have sent her to her room. Something. How would you have handled it?
It wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit if I was never invited back there.
You weren't too hard on her. You weren't hard enough. I wouldn't have waited for the 7th time to say something. It's one thing if she was doing something you didn't agree with, but didn't impact you directly. It's quite another if the child (or anyone) is physically touching someone.
You weren't too hard on her. You weren't hard enough. I wouldn't have waited for the 7th time to say something. It's one thing if she was doing something you didn't agree with, but didn't impact you directly. It's quite another if the child (or anyone) is physically touching someone.
He has to set his own boundaries. I didn't want to jump in being the overprotective mommy to a grown man. But I could tell he was really uncomfortable, like I said, not wanting to overstep, say or do something that might offend. Beyond gently pulling her off, and he tried, what more could he do without being more forceful? I jumped in when it was clear no one was doing anything or getting through to her.
He could have done what you did. But that wasn't really my point. My point was you did nothing wrong. It doesn't matter who did it. And I think it could have been done sooner. I probably would have said something to the parent before that though.
I think it's overstepping to correct a child in their own home when the parents are around, unless their behavior impacts you or someone your "in charge" of. I think you did the right thing intervening on your sons behalf. No matter how good a young adult is with kids, they can definitely sometimes use a life saver from a more experienced parent.
If that is how the parents want to discipline, then so be it, but that doesn't mean you need to put up with physical or verbal abuse from the kid.
I have a friend who's niece, 9 years old, is just a chore. I typically decline offers to go to this girl's house because it is exhausting to be around her. I caved and went to a gathering at this little girl's home this weekend. She really likes my son, who is grown and great with kids. However, he is skiddish when it comes to too much contact, knowing how it can be misconstrued as something less than innocent, especially with little girls.
This little girl has a nasty habit of kicking and slapping, pushing and shoving. She'd jump on him when he was sitting down, grabbing at his shirt, wanting to wrestle. He'd tell her to "please" stop, she wouldn't listen. Her mother would tell her to quit, she wouldn't listen. She was literally told 7 times, between my son, my friend and her mother, to stop. She wouldn't. I finally called her by her name and motioned her over to me. I calmly told her that 7 times was more than enough for her to get the message and that she had better keep her hands to herself or we would not be coming to visit her anymore. She gave me the look of death and walked away. LOL.
On the ride back, my friend told me I was a little hard on her. This is what they're used to in their family (wresting, horse play) and that it's really not her fault. I told her that I don't care what they do to each other. It is not acceptable for her to be hitting and kicking people to begin with, let alone after being asked and told 7times to stop. Not everyone raises their kids to do this and not everyone is going to accept it because this is what she is "used to". She shrugged. I can tell she was offended. She'll get over it....or not.
7 times. After the second, I would have sent her to her room. Something. How would you have handled it?
It wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit if I was never invited back there.
Usually adults tell children that other people won't like them if they (whatever). It sounds as if your friend and her family need to find that out for themselves. Don't go back over, but invite her to your house if you like so that she can find out how polite people conduct themselves.
I wouldn't have been so gentle. Children should learn that you simply do not touch people that you don't know, especially when they have asked you not to.
I have a friend who's niece, 9 years old, is just a chore. I typically decline offers to go to this girl's house because it is exhausting to be around her. I caved and went to a gathering at this little girl's home this weekend. She really likes my son, who is grown and great with kids. However, he is skiddish when it comes to too much contact, knowing how it can be misconstrued as something less than innocent, especially with little girls.
This little girl has a nasty habit of kicking and slapping, pushing and shoving. She'd jump on him when he was sitting down, grabbing at his shirt, wanting to wrestle. He'd tell her to "please" stop, she wouldn't listen. Her mother would tell her to quit, she wouldn't listen. She was literally told 7 times, between my son, my friend and her mother, to stop. She wouldn't. I finally called her by her name and motioned her over to me. I calmly told her that 7 times was more than enough for her to get the message and that she had better keep her hands to herself or we would not be coming to visit her anymore. She gave me the look of death and walked away. LOL.
On the ride back, my friend told me I was a little hard on her. This is what they're used to in their family (wresting, horse play) and that it's really not her fault. I told her that I don't care what they do to each other. It is not acceptable for her to be hitting and kicking people to begin with, let alone after being asked and told 7times to stop. Not everyone raises their kids to do this and not everyone is going to accept it because this is what she is "used to". She shrugged. I can tell she was offended. She'll get over it....or not.
7 times. After the second, I would have sent her to her room. Something. How would you have handled it?
It wouldn't hurt my feelings one bit if I was never invited back there.
Well, since I am not qualified to post in this forum as a parent, I can only give you my experiences having once been a child.
If I had pulled a stunt like that, my father would have yanked me off your friends lap by my hair, and I could have expected to have and some serious consequences to my actions.
When I was 7 years old, I was taught to say "yes, sir" and "no, sir" and sit like a lady and not speak unless I was spoken to. I was taught that young ladies should have grace and decorum and that you should learn how to conduct yourself with manners.
My, my how children have changed. (into little monsters, it would seem).
Personally, I'd stay as far away from this small cretin as I possibly could. YMMV. I will, no doubt, have nightmares just thinking about his post.
My children are almost 27 months old. They are being taught now that there are consequences to bad behavior or disobedience. I'm not going to wait until they're school-aged (or even 9!) to learn this.
You handled the situation very nicely!
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