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I always felt the hardest part on raising my child was dealing with other people. I had my battles with people over stuff that I didn't want my son to partake in. Things I didn't think were safe. Not super overprotective stuff just run of the mill, hey that might kill or injury my child stuff. This was always hard because I hate confrontation but stood my ground. My cousin who is a mother of a toddler is now dealing with other people and finding it stressful because she ends up being the bad guy or party pooper when she says no. She asked me when I had to put my foot down about something when everyone else thought I was being nuts.
I told her the story of when my friend had her son's 3rd birthday party. Our kids are only weeks apart so my son was also 3 yrs old. I showed up at her house and she lives on an acre of land. Her father had hooked up a mini trailer to their riding lawnmower. He was giving the kids rides. Fast wild rides. As soon as I saw it, I cringed because I knew right off I did not want my son piled into this mini trailer with all the other kids. Right off my friend suggested my son take a ride. I told her that we were good just getting settled sitting on the patio with everyone else. She seemed annoyed. Then her father drove over and suggested my son get in. I said thanks but we were good. I was very polite but it was obvious no one wanted to take no for answer. Then all the adults started in and started arguing with me about it. Then they ignored me and asked my son directly if he wanted a ride. I kept saying no. My friend's father drove off in a huff and gave the kids a ride in the trailer, whipping from one side of the yard to the other. This went on for about 20 minutes and he finally dumped the trailer spilling 6 toddlers all over the place, running over one of them in the process and trapping 3 under the trailer. Thankfully no one was seriously hurt, just some scrapes and bruises. But once he dumped the trailer it was like everyone thought some how I had made it happen with my bad vibes or something. No one at the party talked to me and it was the most uncomfortable party I have ever been to. To this day, my friend's father dislikes me.
Good on you for taking your parental responsibility seriously.
Can't say that I can recall a situation that has lead to the animosity that you describe.
There have been times when our kids have had to sit things out. Not so much from a danger point of view though. More there have been times when they have had to sit quietly when other kids were being unruly. Even in church, our kids will be sitting quietly and a parent will offer to take them out to play along with the other kids who are playing up. Same has happened in other places. Restraunts for example. Also we do not allow our kids to play rough and tumle games with the opposite sex. So touch footie is OK but tackle is not. So there have been times when the kids have had to stand and watch. Other parents will try to convince us that its ok. We believe that it is a respect of the opposite sex thing. Usually they just drop it.
I had to keep my 2 kids from going to an indoor waterpark with their grandparents and cousins because the one 15 yo cousin was bringing her boyfriend and they were going to be allowed to sleep together in the same bed.
Granted there was no threat of bodily harm but with my DD being 14 I wanted to make sure she knew I was definitely not ok with those kinds of arrangements, and did not want her to think that would be acceptable behavior.
I was definitely the bad guy for a bit because after all it was Kalahari!And they were so bummed that they didn't get to go.
ETA I was treated like I was a holier than thou person by the grandparents and her parents when I informed them that my kids couldn't go and why they were not going.
Gosh, you think peer pressure is done with once you are an adult, but then you have children and it starts all over again.
I get it from my parents all the time, trying to take my kids to do things that I dont think they are ready to do.
Kids learn from experience. When my oldest started to climb up everything I told her that the glass doors on the fireplace were hot. She didn't listen until she put her hand on one, then she turned to me and said 'hot'. You're darned tootin' it was hot. She never touched it again. She always had to try for herself to find out if I was right.
My kids always had limits, but it was seldom a danger thing. I believe kids need to know when to take chances and have the thrill of the experience rather than keep them safe on a bench. My husband has always said his mother used to have more xrays of him than photos. He took a lot of chances.
Keeping kids wrapped in cotton will not make them grow up to be self confident in their own abilities. They will never learn their personal limits if they are never allowed to explore where their limitations are. They need to know that when they get hurt, they get up and brush off and try again, or not.
My daughter fell off a horse and broke her shoulder during a riding lesson. I could see by her face that her shoulder was broken. The instructor agreed she should go to the hospital and have it xrayed, but I insisted she get back on first and be led around the ring before we left. She got back on and later said it was the best thing for her because it gave her the confidence to go back to jumping two weeks later (Much to her doctor's and instructor's chagrin.). A year after that she was riding on trail with an unruly horse and fell off and broke her wrist. She got up and walked the horse back by herself. She had a cast on for weeks but that didn't keep her from the horses.
I always felt the hardest part on raising my child was dealing with other people. I had my battles with people over stuff that I didn't want my son to partake in. Things I didn't think were safe. Not super overprotective stuff just run of the mill, hey that might kill or injury my child stuff. This was always hard because I hate confrontation but stood my ground. My cousin who is a mother of a toddler is now dealing with other people and finding it stressful because she ends up being the bad guy or party pooper when she says no. She asked me when I had to put my foot down about something when everyone else thought I was being nuts.
I told her the story of when my friend had her son's 3rd birthday party. Our kids are only weeks apart so my son was also 3 yrs old. I showed up at her house and she lives on an acre of land. Her father had hooked up a mini trailer to their riding lawnmower. He was giving the kids rides. Fast wild rides. As soon as I saw it, I cringed because I knew right off I did not want my son piled into this mini trailer with all the other kids. Right off my friend suggested my son take a ride. I told her that we were good just getting settled sitting on the patio with everyone else. She seemed annoyed. Then her father drove over and suggested my son get in. I said thanks but we were good. I was very polite but it was obvious no one wanted to take no for answer. Then all the adults started in and started arguing with me about it. Then they ignored me and asked my son directly if he wanted a ride. I kept saying no. My friend's father drove off in a huff and gave the kids a ride in the trailer, whipping from one side of the yard to the other. This went on for about 20 minutes and he finally dumped the trailer spilling 6 toddlers all over the place, running over one of them in the process and trapping 3 under the trailer. Thankfully no one was seriously hurt, just some scrapes and bruises. But once he dumped the trailer it was like everyone thought some how I had made it happen with my bad vibes or something. No one at the party talked to me and it was the most uncomfortable party I have ever been to. To this day, my friend's father dislikes me.
Anyone else got a bad guy story?
I had many instances of this over the years. The key is to be frim in your convictions of what is and isn't appropriate and have the strength of character to stick with your choices.
It also helps if you and your spouse are on the same page (which I had ).
When one of my sons was 7 he was invited to a good friends birthday party. The party was planned to feed the kids and do the cake at the childs home, but then put all the kids in the families vehicle to go to play putt putt or something. When I got there and saw how many kids there were I knew there were too many kids and not enough seat belts. I asked the mom to clarify for me what her plan was. "oh, we'll just pile them all in (12 kids!) and they can share seat belts or sit on the floor"!!
UH, I DON'T THINK SO.
So, I had to be the parent who sat outside and waited for the eating/cake part of the party to be over, then transport my child in my own car to the putt putt place. Yes, they thought I was "weird". Yes, they thought I was being "overprotective" - I could not have cared less.
when you show others they are wrong they dont like you.
being a parent is like being a moderator. it makes others better at the expense of popularity.
when you have slain the dragon,
the village does not in fact turn out to cheer
the beautiful princess does not in fact fall in love with you
few actually like me
alot respect me
and i regret some fear and hate me
It's all a balance. I let my kids engage in otherwise risky behavior like trying to climb the big jungle gym, jump off the high dive...and even settle their own disputes.
However, I do step in and stop them from engaging in risky (or is it plain stupid) behavior thought up by adults like the trailer or the seatbelt thing PP's mentioned. Even if people think you are being unreasonable, you need to stick to your guns because like I said some behavior isn't risky it's just stupid.
You just have to do what you think is right for your kids no matter what other people think about it. Sometimes you are the bad guy. That's just how life works.
We allow our children to engage in some risky behavior. They play football. They play lacrosse. They wrestle. Some other parents think we are terrible for allowing that behavior. According to others we willingly place our kids in a position where they could get seriously hurt. We are reckless and take unnecessary risks.
However, there is other risky behavior we do not allow. We do not allow them to ride in the car without seatbelts no matter what the situation is. We never let our younger kids ride motorized scooters when they were little. There are plenty of parents who think that is just totally over protective.
So-since we can't please everyone we just continue to do what we think is right. We are possible both reckless AND over protective depending on who you talk to.
I do let my kids explore boundaries, but l do keep safety in mind. I would not let my kid ride in the floorboad of someone else's car packed in with 11 other kids, but I will allow them to ride in the bed of my truck down our dirt road (with an adult when they were little, now on their own)
I do not get much flack from other adults. Maybe because I don't give off the "you can influence my choices" vibe. I have had others tell me that I should let child do XXXX every once and a while (usually from another kid who's parent will allow XXXX) but I pretty much say that I am the child's momma and I say no. I don't feel the need to explain my actions to others.
As for the PP whose kids missed out because of the cousin's sleeping arrangement.... BRAVO!!! My son just got miffed at me because I wouldn't let a girl come over to attend an after school activity with his friend because no adults would be home for an hour after the bus dropped them off. Sorry.... not gonna happen. Even though my son is not even close to being interested in this girl... it sets a bad example for the smaller kids and I don't know this girl... who's to say she is respectable?
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And they were so bummed that they didn't get to go.
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