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Old 06-02-2010, 07:55 PM
 
1,821 posts, read 7,721,176 times
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We have a 6-year-old who is just finishing up kindergarten. Yesterday, he said two other kids came and sat next to him. While riding, they squeezed him up against the window.

He came home upset about it. He didn't want to ride the bus today, so my wife drove him. She also talked to the bus driver. The driver was aware of the incident, and had warned the two kids involved that if they did it again, they would go to the principal.

My wife is very upset about it, wants to drive him from now on, including next year. I think she's over-reacting. First, it was one incident near the end of the year. Second, we actually saw one of the kids in the park last night. He was friendly to our son (who did not reciprocate). Lastly, we can't protect him all the time. I think he will need to learn how to deal with these types of issues. If we just swoop in and shelter him now while he's young, I could see him having more serious issues later in grade school and middle school.

What do recommend? Both for our son on how to deal with these types of situations. And for my wife, who is very anxious about this. I would like to assuage her fears.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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Her taking him to school is showing him that there is something to be afraid of and how to deal with unpleasant situations...is to turn away and hide from them. Not good.

Of course it's very upsetting to us as parents when someone does not treat our kids nicely, but we have to show them the proper way to react, not protect them from every event that could possibly happen.

I think you're right on in your assessment of the situation and hopefully you can get through to her. Try to do it in a manner that suggests you are concerned for him and not that he just needs to toughen up.

You didn't come across that way in your post but it may be how she perceives what you are saying to her.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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Ask the bus driver to have your son sit in the first seat where he can keep an eye on him.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:33 PM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,181,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
We have a 6-year-old who is just finishing up kindergarten. Yesterday, he said two other kids came and sat next to him. While riding, they squeezed him up against the window.

He came home upset about it. He didn't want to ride the bus today, so my wife drove him. She also talked to the bus driver. The driver was aware of the incident, and had warned the two kids involved that if they did it again, they would go to the principal.

My wife is very upset about it, wants to drive him from now on, including next year. I think she's over-reacting. First, it was one incident near the end of the year. Second, we actually saw one of the kids in the park last night. He was friendly to our son (who did not reciprocate). Lastly, we can't protect him all the time. I think he will need to learn how to deal with these types of issues. If we just swoop in and shelter him now while he's young, I could see him having more serious issues later in grade school and middle school.

What do recommend? Both for our son on how to deal with these types of situations. And for my wife, who is very anxious about this. I would like to assuage her fears.
It doesn't sound like a bullying problem yet but when you say your son did not reciprocate, that makes me wonder. These kids could be looking for a target, so yes, avoiding it won't help nor would swooping in and saving him. However, parents do play a part in this by teaching him how to protect himself verbally or/and physically (not by fighting BTW).

For example, he could say to them, "I didn't ask for this. I am moving to another seat" and if they don't let him go he can say "Let me go!" in an assertive way. You could ask him to arrange to sit with another person, bigger preferably, as a buddy or even sit as close to front as possible.

Discuss options with him so that he knows he is not powerless. Allow him to practice saying phrases and role-play with him. If he does not feel strong enough to ride the bus yet I would allow mom to drop him off until he feels confident.

Anyway, I hope it is not the start of bullying but there is a great book that discusses how to avoid becoming the victim of one. The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander by Coloroso. She explains very well the difference between teasing and taunting, snitching and telling.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:34 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,565,345 times
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I agree that your wife may be sending him the wrong message by driving him and some of these incidents are normal. Boys often get attention from each other in ways that seem primitive.

For example, when my kid was 8, he would come home and complain about some other boy slugging him in the shoulder or arm all the time. When they'd walk past each other, this kid would smack him. I'd tell him just to ignore this other kid, pretend he didn't exist.

Just when it got to the point I thought maybe I should go to the school and intervene, he's asking us if this same kid could come over to the house to play. He asks "Can Johnny come over so we can play and watch tv?" and I said "Isn't Johnny that kid you can't stand because he smacks you?" and he replies "Yes but we're friends now". Soon they became best friends, he even told me the other kid was only slugging him because he wanted to get his attention so they could be friends.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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Your wife is over-reacting. I'm sure it's because she wants to protect your son from all unpleasant circumstances, but that's impossible. What I see as disturbing is that she wants to drive him the remainder of this year and next year as well. By doing that, when does she think he will learn how to cope with kids who do things he doesn't like?

The fact that one of the boys was friendly to your son in the park and he wasn't too friendly back indicates that he is taking your wife's attitude about the whole thing to heart. It was an incident and he didn't get physically hurt. Going the extra mile and then some by your wife made it a lot bigger deal than it really was and he knows that. With that, he will learn to hold grudges, hold anger and believe others don't deserve a chance. It IS the end of the school year and apparently he hasn't had any problems up until now.

I'd let it go and encourage him to as well. It doesn't need to be over-talked or held on to.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:38 PM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,181,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I agree that your wife may be sending him the wrong message by driving him and some of these incidents are normal. Boys often get attention from each other in ways that seem primitive.

For example, when my kid was 8, he would come home and complain about some other boy slugging him in the shoulder or arm all the time. When they'd walk past each other, this kid would smack him. I'd tell him just to ignore this other kid, pretend he didn't exist.

Just when it got to the point I thought maybe I should go to the school and intervene, he's asking us if this same kid could come over to the house to play. He asks "Can Johnny come over so we can play and watch tv?" and I said "Isn't Johnny that kid you can't stand because he smacks you?" and he replies "Yes but we're friends now". Soon they became best friends, he even told me the other kid was only slugging him because he wanted to get his attention so they could be friends.
I would say your son knew how to handle himself assertively???? I guess some kids like to test what kids are made of and decide that they want to be friends with the assertive kids.

Is it possible the OPs son doesn't have the skills necessary yet to be assertive?
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:43 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,683,690 times
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By parents solving all their kids' problems takes away the opportunity for the kids to learn how to solve their own. Every little thing does not need to be over-analyzed, discussed and debated. Kids need to know mom and dad are there for when they need them, but kids also need to learn how to stick up for themselves and take control of their lives; to make decisions and get over things.
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolcats View Post
We have a 6-year-old who is just finishing up kindergarten. Yesterday, he said two other kids came and sat next to him. While riding, they squeezed him up against the window.

He came home upset about it. He didn't want to ride the bus today, so my wife drove him. She also talked to the bus driver. The driver was aware of the incident, and had warned the two kids involved that if they did it again, they would go to the principal.

My wife is very upset about it, wants to drive him from now on, including next year. I think she's over-reacting. First, it was one incident near the end of the year. Second, we actually saw one of the kids in the park last night. He was friendly to our son (who did not reciprocate). Lastly, we can't protect him all the time. I think he will need to learn how to deal with these types of issues. If we just swoop in and shelter him now while he's young, I could see him having more serious issues later in grade school and middle school.

What do recommend? Both for our son on how to deal with these types of situations. And for my wife, who is very anxious about this. I would like to assuage her fears.

Personally, I would NEVER put a 6 year old on a school bus unless the bus was only full of other 6 year olds (which ain't gonna happen).

At that age they are just too vulnerable to older, meaner kids.

I think you are way off base if you think your wife is going overboard. Six year olds NEED sheltering from bullies and inappropriate situations. Do you have ANY clue the garbage your son is being exposed to by having to ride the bus with older kids???
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:50 PM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,181,496 times
Reputation: 1963
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
By parents solving all their kids' problems takes away the opportunity for the kids to learn how to solve their own. Every little thing does not need to be over-analyzed, discussed and debated. Kids need to know mom and dad are there for when they need them, but kids also need to learn how to stick up for themselves and take control of their lives; to make decisions and get over things.
Sorry have to edit later.
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