Considering starting a family at 40 need wisdom from other mid age parents (ideas, SAHM)
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How is your health? What's your lifestyle? How is your weight? How is your nutrition? Do you exercise?
Right now I am out of shape, I have been going to college part time and working full time for the past 4 years, last couple months I have been doing a lot of walking once and try twice a day, but eating isnt so good.
I graduate in August and plan to get back into shape then. your right, it is very important for older parents to be in peak health to raise children
40 is not too old - and if you look around there are a lot of people still having or starting to have kids at that age.
ITA!
You will find as many opinions on this as there are ice cream flavors...all that really matters is how you and your wife feel! If you have love in your heart to give a child...go for it...the rest you can work out as you go along!
I promise you that you will have more regrets about not having a child than having one after 40.
I am over 40 and on my second wave of having children...I have teens and now 3 under 5! It isn't easy or stress-free but it is joyful and fullfilling.
I am over 40 and on my second wave of having children...I have teens and now 3 under 5! It isn't easy or stress-free but it is joyful and fullfilling.
I had my one and only daughter at 46. Yes, I'll be at high school graduation in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank, but on the up side my patience is limitness compared to when I was in my 20s. I am better able to provide for her financially and am able to give her a real home to grow up in instead of the apartments/rentals where I lived in my younger years. I'm not interested in hanging with friends as much so she gets all my free time, and career-wise I don't have to prove myself with rediculous hours. I know what's important and what's not, and what's worth getting upset over and what to just let go.
Younger parents have energy and vigor, but are often still finding their own place in the world, with less time to focus on their kids as much. Us older folks have stability, wisdom and patience, and the kids keep us young. I never dreamed that at 50, I'd be planning playdates and princess parties for a group of 4 year olds.
It takes some adjusting but the rewards are tremendous! At 2:00am this morning, my daughter woke me to tell me I'm the best daddy in the world and wanted to crawl in bed with us. You can't buy that!
Good for you for thinking about these issues; however, they may be premature. Getting pregnant for the first time at 39 without fertility assistance isn't nearly as easy as many people seem to assume it will be.
Outside of every other consideration, just look into your heart of hearts and ask yourself if it's what you really want. If the answer is yes, then by all means make the best go of it you can, because that is all any of us can do. If the answer is no and the desire for a child is simply stemming from never having one or the what if question than maybe you are better off staying childless.
Things can happen good/bad at any age. There is never a "right" age to have kids. I had my children young and feel that was best for my wife and I, but that doesn't mean it's right for all. Yes, there are increased risks of complications, but the majority of older parents still have perfectly normal pregnancies and children. Just be prepared that there are risks and be ready to deal with and accept them if there are complications.
I had my one and only daughter at 46. Yes, I'll be at high school graduation in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank, but on the up side my patience is limitness compared to when I was in my 20s. I am better able to provide for her financially and am able to give her a real home to grow up in instead of the apartments/rentals where I lived in my younger years. I'm not interested in hanging with friends as much so she gets all my free time, and career-wise I don't have to prove myself with rediculous hours. I know what's important and what's not, and what's worth getting upset over and what to just let go.
Younger parents have energy and vigor, but are often still finding their own place in the world, with less time to focus on their kids as much. Us older folks have stability, wisdom and patience, and the kids keep us young. I never dreamed that at 50, I'd be planning playdates and princess parties for a group of 4 year olds.
It takes some adjusting but the rewards are tremendous! At 2:00am this morning, my daughter woke me to tell me I'm the best daddy in the world and wanted to crawl in bed with us. You can't buy that!
I feel this way too if I should have a child. I would be more patient, I am not so much worried about job or career anymore, I dont make a ton of money, but my job is very secure and skills transferable, I have a much better home to provide (family sized and comfy) compared to the home in my twenties, a very small 2 bedroom house in a not so good school disctrict, and I really wasnt as responsible or knew where I was going with my life or career in twenties.
My wife and I have already done a lot of things most people do after they get their kids out of the house, we traveled in twenties and thirtys seen vegas, grand canyon, niagra falls, myrtle beach, all over florida, and many other places i cant think of, so I have got a lot of traveling and seeing places out of my system, We have eaten out so much I actually have gotten tired of it and eat at home more. I have had hobbies over the years but gotten bored with them as time went by, and my latest goal of earning my bachelors degree is almost finished.
and now that im forty these things arent as enjoyable as they once were. I am looking at life and feel I am missing the one thing I never thought I wanted in my twenties and most of thirties, family/kid(s).
and now that im forty these things arent as enjoyable as they once were. I am looking at life and feel I am missing the one thing I never thought I wanted in my twenties and most of thirties, family/kid(s).
I think that inside you know the answer.
Once you have a child, you cannot ever imagine life without them.
Forgive me for this long message but I am looking for wisdom from new parents (prefere dads view) who are over 40.
I am 40 years old, and until now, I always thought I would enjoy life just the wife and I, no kids, have extra money and time, travel, and just come and go as I please. Over the years I occasionally thought of children but was never real serious and my wife liked being a career woman.
Well since my younger brother had a child and a good close friend had 3 children the idea started to grow on me more and more over the years.
After turning 40 I started to reflect more on my life, how the years went by, what the future holds, and whether I should become a mid life dad.
What really set things in motion was my wife who is just now 39 brought up the fact that she had these thoughts as well. And the timing is perfect because I am in a more stable career, I am getting ready to graduate with a bachelors degree, her job may be coming to an end making her available as a stay at home mom with some part time work at home options, and our home is perfect for a family so we don’t have to make changes there. We both feel really positive now about the whole thing. We don’t want to regret not having children in the future.
But here is what scares the hec out of me and where I need wisdom.
It is scary thinking about being a mid life older dad when so many my age have teenage kids, should that bother me?
Birth defect risks are higher for parents over 35, it scares me to think I would have a child with a serious birth defect like downes syndrome, are these risks over exaggerated?
And the big one is the loss of wifes income, we became very spoiled over the years and after I sat down and looked at the budget with just my income I about fell over. Even after making serious changes to the budget money was still tight. How did you parents, especially over 40 adjust to the lower income and tight budget that affects things like savings and retirement?
You sound just like me. I was not into the idea but gradually it became very appealing. Wife was 40 and I was 42 when we had our boy- who is perfectly healthy. We love being parents, frustration and all.
The irony is I cannot imagine having a teenager right now.
Seriously, there are perhaps advantages- stable career as you said. Wisdom and maturity- I was a jackass well into my 30s.
The one disadvantage is most are not as spry as they were in the past and you spend a lot of time chasing your kid around. But that is nothing a good diet and regular visits to the gym cannot solve.
All in all, what is most important in parenting is that you are ready, willing, eager, and most of all, capable. Are your emotions, health, and finances in good order? If yes, then by all means. Seems to me you are a better candidate than all those having out of wedlock kids at 16, no?
Finally, there are more of us than you think. Good luck.
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ITA!
