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Old 06-07-2010, 12:31 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,941,646 times
Reputation: 3320

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How would you feel if one of your kids asked if they friend could move in?
And what would your answer be?

I am 20 and my friend is 19 and his family just split up, his parents are divorced yet still live together and his dad just left for 6 months out of state to do work so they moved and most went their separate ways. His mom and brother live in a 2bdr apt and his dad will live there when he gets back and his other brother lives with a friend.

He moved all his stuff out of town to live with one friend on a ranch but it is way to far out of town for him to get to work and has not been back there in quite a few weeks.

He has been staying with me and another friend off and on, when he is not here he is staying with them. They do not have space for him, they have 3 people to an apartment and no room for him but we DO have the space for him.

We have 3 people to a 3brd house but we have a basement which could suffice as a make shift bedroom until we move into the 4 bedroom house we've been looking at.

It would be my mom in the master bedroom and my brother and my friend in the rooms upstairs sharing a bathroom and me down in the basement with my own room down there and my own bathroom down there as well.

He already pulls his own weight when he is here. Runs errands and goes grocery shopping for my mom, helps cook dinner (like grilling out), hangs out with my brother. He does stuff like helps my brother with yard work. He pays for his own stuff, cell phone etc and has a job here in town just a few minutes from where I live.
He is a NEAT FREAK. He likes things clean so he wouldn't be messy.
He is an ex-explorer (he left the post due to not liking how it was being run into the ground) and stays out of trouble.

Like I said I am 20, he is 19 turning 20 in February and my brother is soon to be 16, so we are all close in age.

How would you feel about it and would you let him move in if he had a job and everything and just needed a place to live in town?

I am pretty sure my mom would let him, I just want to know what other parents would do/feel about it...
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Old 06-07-2010, 12:38 AM
 
Location: California
37,032 posts, read 41,957,933 times
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I know of many situations were teens and young adults have moved in with friends and their families, it's not unusual at all. Things happen and the people we surround ourselves with have our backs...at least that's how it ought to work. Whether it's best in your situation depends on your mom, her feelings about it, and her relationship with the "friend". There is one young man my daughters age who has been with us on and off, part time, over the years and it's fine because he and I (the mom) have a good relationship and enjoy each others company. That's important when you live with someone. But I probably wouldn't just open my home to someone just because were friends with one of my kids...some of them are jerks.
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Old 06-07-2010, 12:47 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,941,646 times
Reputation: 3320
I've been best friends with this guy since 11th grade and I am now nearly 21 and I was about 17 then.
He has been PHENOMENAL with my brother who has been having some emotional issues, he gets my brother up and out and makes him happy just by being there for him.
One of the issues my brother has been dealing with is not having a dad around or an older male figure and my friend has been just that the older male figure that my brother needs.

We all like having him around.

And like I said he is an explorer, so he and us all strongly believe in the "thin blue line", we would all have each others back in ANY circumstances so we are all close.
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Old 06-07-2010, 06:02 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,598,282 times
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My son's friend moved in with us two months ago.
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Old 06-07-2010, 06:51 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,941,646 times
Reputation: 3320
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
My son's friend moved in with us two months ago.
How's that going for you?
Have you set any rules or boundaries in place?

I know this kind of thing needs to be discussed and I am willing to meet my mom in the middle of most stuff. Like if he needs to contribute to the grocery bill etc..

And how old is your son and his friend?
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:01 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,421,472 times
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Since he's an adult, if your mom wants a roommate to split the costs, it's up to them. There isn't anything wrong with 3 adults living in one place and sharing the rent and other costs.
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,941,646 times
Reputation: 3320
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Since he's an adult, if your mom wants a roommate to split the costs, it's up to them. There isn't anything wrong with 3 adults living in one place and sharing the rent and other costs.
Nope not at all but remember my mom isn't paying her own bills, her mom is.
Neither my brother and I pay for anything, he is 15 so he shouldn't but I should so my friend would not exactly be splitting the cost of anything just paying for what he uses, like contribute to the grocery bill, help out with chores and yard work, etc..

The only things that might go up in price would be the water bill, grocery bill and that's all I can think would go up since we would have one more person showering and eating at the house.

Our cable is one flat price as is our internet and doesn't go up with added computers or usage.
He already pays for his own cell phone.
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Old 06-07-2010, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 9,025,914 times
Reputation: 3360
Hold the pony!! I thought your family was so dysfunctional and intolerable that you want/need to move out?!?! WHY would you be asking for someone else to move in with your family when YOU can't even stand living with them??

Why don't you and your friend go in on an apartment together....I don't know if this board can handle the drama that will surely ensue if yet another person is added to the dynamics of your already unstable home.
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Old 06-07-2010, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,332,366 times
Reputation: 41121
There is a lot to consider when allowing a non-family member to just "move in". He is an adult - if he moves in, there should be a contract written up and some sort of compensation, be it money or specific responsibilities or a combination of both and a "move out" time. There also needs to be an understanding of behavior expectations for the house - it could get very awkward if the two of you started becoming romantically interested. Plus there is the decrease in privacy and comfort of one's own home to consider. There are lots of things to think about in a situation like this - it wouldn't be anything I would take lightly. Also, the potential for drama......that alone would cause me to think long and hard.
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Old 06-07-2010, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 4,735,784 times
Reputation: 3244
I'm with NCyank on this one. You (and everyone around you) are so full of drama constantly... I can't imagine moving another person into the house. What happened to the horrible vacation where you were stuck in a hotel with your horrible Mom and brother?? You remember... the trip where you had to speed down the highway at 90 mph with your Mom and brother screaming at you and each other?? You were going straight home from that trip and packing your bags to move out (which you should have already done at your age). Why in the world would you even think about subjecting someone else to the hell you say that you have lived through?? Have you warned this person that your home is full of emotionally unstable people?? I truly think the best idea is to get a small apartment with this person - if he pays his own way and you pay your share... there is no reason it couldn't work (and it gets you both away from the nut-house).
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