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My mother lives in a 2-family house. She lives upstairs, and her step-son who is 45 years old, lives downstairs, with his 14 year old daughter. The mother of the child comes home, sometimes, but the rest of the time, we don't know where she goes! She is korean, and for some reason, won't discuss what she does for a living!
This was originally the house the step-son grew up in. He has also come and gone, over the years, but eventually, had a child with the Korean, so he lives there permanently, now.
The house was in his father's name. That is my mother's second husband.
But, a few years ago, he had my mother sign for a mortgage, on his house.
Now, her husband is dead! And the mortgage still exists, in HER name! No one seems to know what he did with the money.
The step-son lives FREE..downstairs. My mother pays for EVERYTHING... gas, heat, electric, cable, car insurance, mortgage, etc.), out of the pension she got from MY father, her first husband.
She is getting old, and we want to place her in assisted living, where she can be safe. The step-son helps her a little, by driving her around. But she basically pays all the bills.
We are thinking of selling the house, and having everyone goes their seperate ways. The problem is, the step-son has not worked in years, and does not work now. He insists he doesn't have to work.
The problem is, if we do sell the house, where will he go? What about his 14 year old daughter? Where on earth is his korean girlfriend???
What should we do? My mother has NO legal obligation to take care of this man, and his child. And when her health gets worse, she will need to be in assisted living, or a nursing home.
I think you need to seek professional help from a family counselor since there seems to be some co-dependency issues which are keeping her there. Why does she feel obligated to help her step-son? or is she mainly paying the bills to provide shelter for the step-grandaughter? That family sounds like chaos, with substance abuse or mental illness playing a huge role. And I'm glad you're stepping in now before your mom begins to have health issues & needs care herself.
The welfare and best interests of the mother seems to be the priority in this situation.
The stepson and his girlfriend are old enough to fend for themselves. Maybe the girlfriend already is. Who knows what she is doing.
I think the only victim would be the 14 yr old girl. But I'm sure there are agencys that would help take care of her if need be or even place her in a better enviornment. That may sound cruel to say but somtimes it is better for the child in the long run.
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. And IMO doing what is best for Mom at this point in time tops the list.
I agree. You need to do what is best for your mother. The step-son sounds like a dead beat. He's been living for free off your mother, and everyone's just been letting it happen. Enough is enough. I'd tell him, "We're selling the house, so start making arrangements to move elsewhere right now." Don't leave it open ended or let him try to weasel his way into something else. If the home is in your mom's name, he doesn't get any say.
Thanks for responding. The majority of anyone i've spoken to agrees, he should get out on his butt and work.
I even tried to help the situation, by offering for everyone to move into a 3-bedroom apartment, with my mother. That way, he will still have a place to live, with his daughter. Occasionally, having the Korean lady come back too.
But the step-son, as any 45 year old man would, said if they all lived in an apartment, no one would have privacy.
Beggers can't be chosy! I feel so badly for this guy.
He probably has some kind of mental illness, just like his father did. And yes, my mother does have mental illness.
The best idea we've come up with, for her, is assisted living. It's actually very nice accomodations. She would come and go, as she pleases.
Maybe we could give her step-son a decent portion of the money my mother gets for the house?
It's sad that he thought all this time, the house would end up his. I hate to ruin his hopes and dreams, but he obviously didn't have many, being he's 45, and not doing anything much.
I think you need a lawyer. Just because she holds the mortgage doesn't necessarily mean she owns the house. There could be some sort of life estate to the step son, and I just get the feeling there's some sort of shenanigans going on.
There's just not enough information to know what's going on....
On ting I think you need to realise is in the end its not so much what WE decide but what your mother agres to.Also your mother may pay the mortgage but now fuly own the house solely. You may endup do the real work but she has to ageee. So the person you should discuss this wth is her ;seeing that she made the decidon to have it like it is now.Otherwsie you maybe in for some surprses as I have often.You might be surprised that the son has ownership rights from the father when sold.
The house is her, outright. Nothing was ever mentioned of the house EVER belonging to the step-son. That's where his father messed up. While he was mentally ill, he made many mistakes. One was taking out a mortgage on his own house. Second mistake was getting my mother to sign for it, since he was NOT approved for the bank. Third mistake was not leaving the house to his son. It's her house, and that's it. We could just leave the whole thing alone, but the problem is if she gets sick enough and needs to go to a nursing home one day. The son will just be living in a house, not paying any bills.
I hear something about a mortgage being able to close as soon the person passes away. ANyone know about this stuff?
You need to do what's best for your mother. If that means selling the house, then sell the house. This is an able bodied adult man who refuses to work. It's time for him to grow up.
You could be nice and set him up in an apartment with his daughter and pay six months rent in advance and then he's on his own.
what about just paying off the mortgage in full, so that will no longer be a burden, and THEN, transfer the house into his name, so at least the state can't take it away, if my mother DOES end up in a nursing home, down the line? this way, he can get the house, his father always said he would get. And there will no longer be a mortgage.
I can't sleep!!!!
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