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I'm curious as to what others would do in my situation.
My husbands sister is extremely irresponsible with money. She and her husband have two kids (my nephews) and are currently trying to move as they live in a really run down part of town (bad schools, gangs moving into the area). Her husband works (guessing 50 - 60K), she stays home, and both kids are in daycare while she is at home. She tells everyone she is looking for a job, but this has been going on for five years, and she's told me privately that she doesn't bother looking b/c why bother in this economy. My in-laws are giving them money each month to cover daycare (so she can look for work, they don't realize she isn't) and other household bills that they can't afford on her husbands salary. They have no savings, and have extensive credit card debt, though I don't know how much. They also have car payments.
At the same time that she isn't working and is accepting financial help, she is spending like crazy - designer clothes, shoes, two ipads, new iphone each year, macbook, fancy dinners out etc.
Recently she told me that myself and my husband (her older brother) need to step up and start doing more for them financially (we really don't do much of anything, though we could - we stopped hanging out with them when we alway got stuck with the bill). She expects us to give them money each month b/c they are doing poorly and need extra cash to fix up their house, buy things for their children (clothing, toys, school supplies), etc.
I was raised in a family where siblings really didn't give each other money and I never saw my aunts and uncles helping each other out, so I never would have expected her to ask this of us. I was speechless. To me the problem isn't their lack of income, it's their (or her) inability to control their spending and save money. I feel strongly that we shouldn't be helping, and told a friend of mine this, who said I was greedy, and that since we had some extra money we could give them that we should, to help them out.
On top of all of this, my in-laws are spending their retirement money on their daughter - I fear I will be supporting my in-laws, which I'm willing to do, but I hate that it's essentially a delayed spend on supporting my husbands sister.
I would not spend a dime on them since they are clearly irresponsible. Its not being greedy to not want to be an enabler.
If they were unemployed and were towards the end of savings/ investments and were seriously concerned that they wouldn't be able to buy food or pay the mortgage, then yes, that's when you help a family member.
I don't believe in financially supporting healthy, able-bodied adults.
As long as the kids are having their basic needs met (food, clothing, shelter), I wouldn't give it a second thought.
I would not spend a dime on them since they are clearly irresponsible. Its not being greedy to not want to be an enabler.
If they were unemployed and were towards the end of savings/ investments and were seriously concerned that they wouldn't be able to buy food or pay the mortgage, then yes, that's when you help a family member.
I totally agree. It's not your responsibility to help them out. It's her problem that she's spending money on things that she shouldn't.
I disagree with the op saying that siblings shouldn't share cash, but that sister is a lazy, irresponsible, entitled pos and I wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire.
Hmmmmmm. I was about to say "I'd always help a sibling in need," but in this case I'd say hellz no.
Why are you obligated to help? I get that from this sentence - "Recently she told me that myself and my husband (her older brother) need to step up and start doing more for them financially." WTH?? I have two siblings, an older sister and younger brother, and neither of them have EVER given me money... my sister in particular makes good money, but the the most she's done is cover a few dinners.
You and your husband aren't obligated to help, especially when they still have their basic needs (and then some) covered. I could see helping if they were near-homeless, and really making an effort to save/grow, but not in this situation. JMO, of course... do what you feel is right.
My apologies if I came across wrong, I wasn't trying to say that siblings shouldn't necessarily share cash, just that I wasn't raised that way.
I am thrilled that no one has called me greedy (yet) for not wanting to support them. They are definitely able bodied adults who should be able to help themselves.
I forgot to mention that their first idea towards getting out of their living situation was to ask to move in with us "b/c we have too much room".
My husbands sister was furious I didn't hand over a check on the spot.
My husbands sister was furious I didn't hand over a check on the spot.
That's because she's a spoiled psycho nutjob.
Sorry...this whole subject makes me really angry. I hate entitled pricks.
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JMO, of course... do what you feel is right.
