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It wasn't a problem for my dad, but by that point he had many good years under his belt. Objectively speaking, would even go farther and say that bringing in the "younger model" improved the optics of being a "success business owner" for many in community.
Mom has done okay. She never financially stood on her own because of my dad. There were a few years where I wasn't sure about her finances, but I think it's okay now she's on Medicare. She shouldn't outlive her money.
Well that’s positive at least! Some people, if they don’t have to work, just won’t work. Neither my fiancé nor I ever have to work again, as long as we’re together anyway, and we are 36 and 25, very rare for these ages. But we spend almost every day including weekends plugging away at our dreams. Since she’s a photographer, weekends are actually her busiest days. She has been saving a lot of money and enjoys seeing her personal account grow.
As for prenups as well, keep in mind they stipulate terms, they don’t “leave someone on the streets,” and there is such thing as a prenup that can be pierced if it’s deemed “unconscionable.” My wife-to-be will still get a cash payment in the event of divorce and as long as it has been five years, or more, that cash payout would be more than most Americans have saved for retirement. She wouldn’t be in bad shape, which I’d never want, but neither would she be anywhere close to an instant millionaire.
I love how most of the people who are so opposed to prenups base their opposition on the wrong-headed belief that prenups are inherently unfair to one party. A prenup is simply a way to make up YOUR OWN stipulations about what happens to your marital property if you divorce. It could actually be a way to "right the wrong" that you believe exists in state property law. A prenup can be a way to achieve FAIRNESS as the couple sees it.
For example, my late husband and I believed in retaining separate property after we got married. What he earned & acquired was his, and I wanted no claim to it. What I earned/acquired was mine. But our state laws say anything either of us earn after marriage becomes joint marital property, and the other person gets half if we divorce. No thank you. We didn't see that as fair. So we had a prenup drawn up that allowed us to legally retain separate property.
A prenup is just a tool to facilitate making your marriage what you want it to be. If you can't talk through finances and agree on how things should be in your marriage, maybe you shouldn't be getting married.
Well that’s positive at least! Some people, if they don’t have to work, just won’t work. Neither my fiancé nor I ever have to work again, as long as we’re together anyway, and we are 36 and 25, very rare for these ages. But we spend almost every day including weekends plugging away at our dreams. Since she’s a photographer, weekends are actually her busiest days. She has been saving a lot of money and enjoys seeing her personal account grow.
As for prenups as well, keep in mind they stipulate terms, they don’t “leave someone on the streets,” and there is such thing as a prenup that can be pierced if it’s deemed “unconscionable.” My wife-to-be will still get a cash payment in the event of divorce and as long as it has been five years, or more, that cash payout would be more than most Americans have saved for retirement. She wouldn’t be in bad shape, which I’d never want, but neither would she be anywhere close to an instant millionaire.
It's interesting that you'll mention how your lifestyle tastes and wealth are anything remotely close to the average American, but when it's time to possibly let go of the, as someone would call it, "old ball and chain", this is a a time where you do decide to measure against the average.
I could care less about it, really. But if I were in your girlfriend's life I would be STRONGLY advising her to keep in mind the possible future that she'll have a less beautiful house (in your name, right?), as well as possibly less beautiful clothes, less beautiful trips, less beautiful everything. She might be a successful photographer.. but that only earns you so much. All the photographers I know are either married to professionals or are renting because they can't afford the downpayment for a home AND to put away enough for a possible retirement. And $1mm in cash IS great, but it's not much for those accustomed to a better life. Just ask my mom!
Best way to answer question
Check list
jumps up on the furniture and snarls if she sees a crucifix ?
No reflection in mirror
Never eats
Never goes out until after sunset
Yep need a prenup
Before we were engaged, my late-husband asked me if I would sign a pre-nup. I found the question kind of amusing, since my assets at the time were significantly greater than his. I said "Sure, we can talk about that" and then he never brought it up again. Nor did I.
Young couples just starting out in life, I don't see the need for a pre-nup. Later on, after multiple marriages, children, properties, inheritances, businesses, etc. it seems to make more sense.
I don't plan to remarry, but if I did, I would expect total transparency and for us both to be on the same page and in agreement about how assets will be distributed after the marriage ends through death or divorce. But then, I also have a romantic, old-fashioned view of marriage and commitment.
I'm not a Christian and not religious in the least, but the old biblical vows "With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow" is a concept that I subscribe to, and I would not marry someone who did not feel the same way.
It's interesting that you'll mention how your lifestyle tastes and wealth are anything remotely close to the average American, but when it's time to possibly let go of the, as someone would call it, "old ball and chain", this is a a time where you do decide to measure against the average.
I could care less about it, really. But if I were in your girlfriend's life I would be STRONGLY advising her to keep in mind the possible future that she'll have a less beautiful house (in your name, right?), as well as possibly less beautiful clothes, less beautiful trips, less beautiful everything. She might be a successful photographer.. but that only earns you so much. All the photographers I know are either married to professionals or are renting because they can't afford the downpayment for a home AND to put away enough for a possible retirement. And $1mm in cash IS great, but it's not much for those accustomed to a better life. Just ask my mom!
Clearly we have different definitions of fairness. By your logic, once one person out of the goodness of their heart ever helps another person live a great life, no matter how that marriage ends or who ends it, the person who was living a more meager life automatically deserves a life of privilege for the rest of their days. I’m just curious why a great woman who is such a sweet person but married an average guy doesn’t also deserve this life of privilege for herself? I guess the mere act of marrying a rich guy should just automatically mean no more need to work ever again or fly with the poor schmucks in coach? I don’t get this logic at all. So if Dwayne Johnson was single and married a poor girl, and she now flies private and eats chef prepared meals every day three times, and one day she has sex with the pool boy and poor Dwayne finds out, now in divorce she’s “entitled” to this life he provided her before? Boy, what a fantasy world that logic comes from!
By the way just purely because nobody has actually mentioned this - mostly because I’m not convinced anyone realizes it - you don’t really need a prenup in any state to protect separate assets. They cannot be threatened anyway. Even absent a prenup, all of my separate assets would remain mine even in divorce because I owned them previous to the marriage and they wouldn’t ever be co-mingled as they’re investments I made. The only community property created is income after marriage and even that can be protected absent a prenup provided the income came from separate assets. Only W2 wage income in community property states becomes jointly owned and I have zero W2 income per year so the prenup is a formality - she’s getting more with it than without, in which case I wouldn’t have any community property to contest in court anyway. It’s all separate or trust assets.
Someone gave people the idea that automatically in divorce absent a prenup both people just get half of everything. That’s simply not true. If one person has $5 million of stock in a fund in their name that was created before the marriage, at the very most the other person could argue for half of the appreciation of the fund from marriage until present. If the stock fund had $4 million, she might with a great attorney win $500,000 then from that. Not half of the total. Separate assets are protected in all 50 states even community property states. It doesn’t magically just become all community property when you say “I do.”
Someone gave people the idea that automatically in divorce absent a prenup both people just get half of everything. That’s simply not true. If one person has $5 million of stock in a fund in their name that was created before the marriage, at the very most the other person could argue for half of the appreciation of the fund from marriage until present. If the stock fund had $4 million, she might with a great attorney win $500,000 then from that. Not half of the total. Separate assets are protected in all 50 states even community property states. It doesn’t magically just become all community property when you say “I do.”
Totally agreed. I remember one tragic story on one of the "true crime" shows DH and I used to watch- a gold digger married a sweet, geeky guy who'd accumulated a lot of money in his IT business. She filed for divorce shortly after, figuring she'd get half his assets. Nope. So she murdered him.
OTOH, a negotiated property settlement in a divorce won't necessarily split all community property down the middle, either. My Ex put up the down payment on the house from an inheritance he got before we married. Because of that he insisted on my getting 40% of the proceeds from the house. He'd been unemployed the last 5 years of the marriage and without my salary we would have lost it but I digress... My share still came out to $100K so I took it and ran. Still very happy with that decision.
Things can get very nasty when assets are kept to separate...as an example a guy who keeps a house he owned prior in his name only then expects his wife to contribute her pay check towards taxes , repairs and mortgage if any can expect grief on that eventually ...
If I’m going to marry someone it’s for commitment and love. I’ll sign a pre-nup all day long.
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