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Yes. Anyone who gets upset at the possibility of signing a prenup has revealed their true intention. They showed you what they were about before marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
I know a guy who has a prenup after losing half of his substantial wealth to his LAST wife, and now the new wife after less than a year wants to redo their prenup lol[/b]. I think she's a total gold digger.
Did he not see the signs before he married his first wife? He better not let his wife redo their prenup because women who want to redo prenups do so to benefit them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy
If a woman told me 'the marriage is off if a prenuptial agreement is involved' i.e. refusal over (rational) discussion, I'd grin and know I dodged a bullet. What sort of 'partner' strong-arms the other with threats in order to get one's way, when it comes to prenups (or any subject in the context of a potential marriage, for that matter)? Yeah, big bright red flags.
There it is. She would be doing you a favor. Less drama. People have got to use wisdom before they marry. Have a plan in place to protect yourself just in case the marriage goes south. There are honorable people who marry for the right reason(s), but people sometimes change for the worse over time so you can't be too sure.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
I would have never gotten married without protecting my assets. There are other ways too but not as good,
You don't just protect your assets tho......I will feel protected too that my fiance knows I'm not just after his money AND you can custom fit it a lot of different ways. We don't plan to have babies tho either.......
There it is. She would be doing you a favor. Less drama. People have got to use wisdom before they marry. Have a plan in place to protect yourself just in case the marriage goes south. There are honorable people who marry for the right reason(s), but people sometimes change for the worse over time so you can't be too sure.
Exactly - though as mentioned previously, the importance of awareness re: compatibility issues (especially at the point of exclusivity) regarding finances, is of utmost importance. One can't expect to blindly navigate a relationship and then pop the question of marriage/prenups all at the same time. Timing and mutual respect is a no-brainer (for any serious subject between two people); and conversations relative to money (and everything else) should be ongoing throughout a relationship. If navigated successfully, it will build the foundation for having the prenup conversation when/if the time comes.
It doesn't matter how much money someone has; what matters is how they view it, spend it, save it, EARN it - and too many don't give this consideration within the context of a relationship, long before a prenup conversation becomes applicable.
Yes. Anyone who gets upset at the possibility of signing a prenup has revealed their true intention. They showed you what they were about before marriage.
Did he not see the signs before he married his first wife? He better not let his wife redo their prenup because women who want to redo prenups do so to benefit them.
There it is. She would be doing you a favor. Less drama. People have got to use wisdom before they marry. Have a plan in place to protect yourself just in case the marriage goes south. There are honorable people who marry for the right reason(s), but people sometimes change for the worse over time so you can't be too sure.
I agree. Some will try to argue the whole "lack of trust" angle, but I say walking down the aisle without a prenup is the greatest sign of trust as you are showing that you are marrying the person for the person, not for the person's money or wealth.
You don't just protect your assets tho......I will feel protected too that my fiance knows I'm not just after his money AND you can custom fit it a lot of different ways. We don't plan to have babies tho either.......
Yeah, that's a big key honestly, because if someone has an "iron clad" prenup and then has kids, then she stays home to raise the kids, all bets are off. That will complicate matters beyond what a contract can really solve. But we also are childfree, no interest in that, so there's no good reason that either person should gain or lose money if things went south. That being said, I made sure she would at least have the money to get back on her feet, so it's still 6 figures but wouldn't impact me enough to care more about the money than losing the person I think is the best.
I just am flat-out astonished it's ever really a consideration except for a gold digger, I mean how can someone rationally say, "Alright, person X has millions of dollars, person Y has basically nothing. If they get married, it seems totally reasonable that in every possible situation, stay together, get divorced, Person Y should always come out ahead, and Person X should always get screwed." How does that make actual logical, reasonable sense? It doesn't, it's totally irrational. You're not entitled to someone else's assets or income. If they choose to share with you, fantastic! But it should be a choice. Absent a prenup, then does my wife not even need to ask if she wants to buy whatever with my credit cards? Yeah, I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, she's frugal like I am, very smart with her money, a good saver, but I wouldn't want to have ANY chance of ever having to fight that battle. It may be an unpleasant topic of conversation before the marriage, but it sets the ground rules for the marriage and avoids a ton more battles down the road.
I think what irks me the most about it, just personally, is how people act like you're "evil" for wanting to protect your own things -- what belongs to you, rightfully, and nobody else. Yet I paid for her entire college, from classes to books to transportation, 99% of all food and meals for 8+ years, spent at least $15,000 on jewelry, another $7,000 on computers, and I make sure she wants for nothing when it comes to comforts and whatnot. I think I'm about the most generous guy around frankly, I just want to BE the one who CHOOSES to be generous, not the one who suddenly finds himself not owning what is mine.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
I think what irks me the most about it, just personally, is how people act like you're "evil" for wanting to protect your own things -- what belongs to you, rightfully, and nobody else. Yet I paid for her entire college, from classes to books to transportation, 99% of all food and meals for 8+ years, spent at least $15,000 on jewelry, another $7,000 on computers, and I make sure she wants for nothing when it comes to comforts and whatnot. I think I'm about the most generous guy around frankly, I just want to BE the one who CHOOSES to be generous, not the one who suddenly finds himself not owning what is mine.
Who acts like you are evil for wanting to protect yourself tho? If your wife agreed to the prenup & you got married.........shrugs..........you should be fine. Does she resent you?
IMO....I totally understand it & I have my own savings & investments that are growing. Ofc I don't have what my fiance has & he pays for a lot now that we live together....BUT I want him to know I love him & I don't want his money. I have a job & a hobby that pays super well. IMO talking about it & getting it in the open has brought us closer together...........not irked anybody.
Who acts like you are evil for wanting to protect yourself tho? If your wife agreed to the prenup & you got married.........shrugs..........you should be fine. Does she resent you?
IMO....I totally understand it & I have my own savings & investments that are growing. Ofc I don't have what my fiance has & he pays for a lot now that we live together....BUT I want him to know I love him & I don't want his money. I have a job & a hobby that pays super well. IMO talking about it & getting it in the open has brought us closer together...........not irked anybody.
Yeah I try to pay for every normal expense to allow her to save 100% of her income, that way she can invest it and watch it grow. It’s also great because even if she has a low income, if you’re able to save all of it, it’ll be more than most young people with bills could save.
She doesn’t mind at all, she’s happy and was happy to sign, but I just mean some people here act like you’re a monster if you don’t give half your stuff away
Yeah I try to pay for every normal expense to allow her to save 100% of her income, that way she can invest it and watch it grow. It’s also great because even if she has a low income, if you’re able to save all of it, it’ll be more than most young people with bills could save.
She doesn’t mind at all, she’s happy and was happy to sign, but I just mean some people here act like you’re a monster if you don’t give half your stuff away
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
Yet I paid for her entire college, from classes to books to transportation, 99% of all food and meals for 8+ years, spent at least $15,000 on jewelry, another $7,000 on computers, and I make sure she wants for nothing when it comes to comforts and whatnot. I think I'm about the most generous guy around frankly, I just want to BE the one who CHOOSES to be generous, not the one who suddenly finds himself not owning what is mine.
It's one thing to pay the whole of expenses on a home you already own i.e. taxes, insurance and/or a mortgage, if you have one (as this would be the situation regardless); it's quite another to pay her college tuition and all household expenses if she has an income of some sort (which, hopefully, she does). Jewelry, on the other hand, is considered a 'gift'. That said, you don't sound especially generous (not because of a prenup), but because you are keeping tabs of what 'you' have paid for in the eight plus years since you've been married (including gifts i.e. jewelry) as if there is no 'we' post-marriage or mutual financial decisions (despite one earning significantly more than the other). Marriage is a partnership (even when two people enter into a prenuptial agreement).
First, you’re making incorrect assumptions - we haven’t been married even a year. We have been together for 8.5 years, so of course I have some general idea what some things cost - it’s not hard to add up 2 computers in your head dude. Unless you’re an idiot. I have no clue what I’ve spent on most things, it would be impossible to keep track of that unless you were nuts.
Second, no, marriage is not a financial partnership. Yours may be that way, I don’t know and I don’t care, but mine isn’t - I pay the bills and have no need or expectation or desire to have her pay for anything. It doesn’t make the slightest difference to me.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
we haven’t been married even a year. We have been together for 8.5 years, so of course I have some general idea what some things cost - it’s not hard to add up 2 computers in your head dude. Unless you’re an idiot. I have no clue what I’ve spent on most things, it would be impossible to keep track of that unless you were nuts.
Second, no, marriage is not a financial partnership. Yours may be that way, I don’t know and I don’t care, but mine isn’t - I pay the bills and have no need or expectation or desire to have her pay for anything. It doesn’t make the slightest difference to me.
BUT I kinda see why people think you're evil like you said in your post.......not cause of the prenup BUT if you don't consider your wife a partner financially *NOW* . You weren't partners with her before you married her & you acquired your money on your own then so a prenup makes total sense...just like with my fiance.......BUT NOW does she work & bring in some money to your home too?
Just because you haven't been married for long or she makes less than you is no excuse IMO for it not to be a financial partnership......& I'm not married yet but I want my marriage to be a partnership. It's like you're saying you lead the marriage because you make more money. Maybe it's not much compared to what my fiance makes or the homes he owns....BUT....I help pay monthly expenses, food, clothing & gas & insurance for my car.
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If your wife agreed to the prenup & you got married.........shrugs..........you should be fine. 
Does she resent you?
. You weren't partners with her before you married her & you acquired your money on your own then so a prenup makes total sense...just like with my fiance.......BUT NOW does she work & bring in some money to your home too? 
