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He loves it and I'm glad. Being excited about the sport has changed him for the better. I'm glad that he's found something that he can love all his life.
That’s wonderful, it truly is. But be careful....in affluent areas like mine (sf Bay) and yours, parents get taken. I wish I knew more about the soccer scene, but I don’t. You really need to find a person who can evaluate his potential and not oversell you.
Priorities. I would put my kids over getting a house paid off early.
I wouldn't want to crush the one thing my child loves and excels in. And he knows you have probably more money than any of his friends' families.
It's not necessarily about scholarships or careers. He may go on to college with no scholarship but play college sports as well. He may decide to go into teaching so he can coach soccer. Several of our friends' children did this so they could continue their love of sports or music in their careers.
One thing I know, if he isn't allowed to play as a youth and get experience and training in better leagues, he will NEVER have a chance to play as a pro.
Priorities. I would put my kids over getting a house paid off early.
I wouldn't want to crush the one thing my child loves and excels in. And he knows you have probably more money than any of his friends' families.
One thing I know, if he isn't allowed to play as a youth and get experience and training in better leagues, he will NEVER have a chance to play as a pro.
Why are you suggesting I'm crushing soccer for my son?
He's in a good club. The coaches are full-time. They get benefits. They are hired from around the country and around the globe. His coach in English and went to the Liverpool youth academy which is highly regarded. In fact there are several that come from Europe and one is from South Africa. The female coaches are all American, but were with reputable professional teams.
During information night the club tells parents that the whole point of THAT particular club is to get college placements. I didn't see the big deal about it at first.. my kid is/was 12 and he's not thinking that far out... maybe now I understand a little more. The women coaches seem to be better at it than the men.. They have strong ties and networks and make calls on the behalf of the players. It felt aggressive, tactical and management-y at the time. Maybe now I understand a little more.
I think if my kid is really, really good that the club could be enough. He'll go to the showcase tournaments. His coaches will make the phone calls.
But yes, I've recently discovered what the other parents are doing and it gives me doubt that the club isn't enough.
Keeping up with the Jones or Keeping up with the kid?
Oh, one more point... in my community, we don't necessarily have as much money as the neighbors. I think we are quite average. In the soccer playing community specifically, we probably are nearer the bottom. I know where these players live and what their parents do. In one family both mom and dad are medical doctors...
I don't have any expectations other than to offer my kid opportunities to realize whatever potential he has, if it's what he wants.
And we have savings, in the tens of thousands, set aside for his college education already and expect to be semi-financially independent before he enters high school.
That said, we're getting to this position because of very careful spending habits. So if we commit any more funds to his soccer, we will have to slow down our plan. Maybe it takes us 5 years, instead of 2, to pay off our mortgage.
So clearly you know the sport progression. He's U14 and his B team will go to their first (and only) showcase tournament in AZ next February. If/when he makes A team he'll go to three each year.
I get the impression that he'd be okay sticking with this club, but could do better. Parents supplement with academy teams, specifically Elite Player Development and Surf Academy or they do a different club with development academy teams.
But the current setup is much, much easier for me. It's not even the kid's commitment as much as MINE... money and time. So that's why I really need for him to push for it and not me. If it were about me I wouldn't change a thing.
Well, depends what his goals are. I mean, at this point he may not know or hasn't even really thought about it. The answer is similar. First step is really to do ODP tryouts which isn't much commitment or that expensive. I mean, playing a year it's not likely he's going to go to his first ODP tryout and they want him on the regional team. Could happen, but not likely. The far more likely result is not much except he actually sees the level that state or regional pool is at relative to where he is at.
Development Academies are a massive commitment. There aren't many of them so just the logistics of getting to practices is a consideration. There's Crossfire in Redmond and Sounders FC in Tukwila. How much of a time commitment on your part is really up to you and the logistics. The bus is unlikely to be an option but carpooling might be and if not there is Uber/Lyft, but those are expensive especially if it's 30 miles away. At 14 they may work or may not, depends on the kid. It gets easier once they start driving. Travel is on the chaperone system. You can certainly go to all away games but most parents don't. They're usually going out of state 6-10 times a year. Teams are larger, not every player goes to every away game. Downside is teams are larger, less play time.
Surf is supplemental. Practices 1-2 weekends a month, fewer games. That might work better, particularly for someone new to the sport.
No one but you, your family and your son can decide if the cost and compromises are going to be worth it. I will just add a few ideas for you to consider.
First it seems very few kids develop strong passions and commit to them. When they do it affects their entire life. They learn to strive for excellence. A strong passion in your son is something to be proud of and to encourage.
It seems that your son has picked up the soccer quickly and has some natural ability. That will wear off quickly. As time goes on the level of competition will increase, and increase and increase. To be a winner, he will need to indeed make a major commitment. If so, there will be little time left for anything else. All of you need to decide if the commitment is there and if the cost is going to be worth the reward.
Speaking of reward, you have already been warned. Many of us have seen the pain that is very likely to be the end result. I have a niece who wanted to be a classical violinist. She practiced and worked through high school, through music school and then paid for an additional year of private study. She was finally told that she just was not good enough to continue. Had she made it to the next step, she would have spent another couple of years in advanced conservatory training. If she made it through she still would have had a minimal chance of making any living playing the violin. The death of that dream was very painful. I don't believe she ever played the violin since then.
You and your son need to realize at the outset that there is virtually no possibility he will make a living playing soccer. In the mean time the only way to continue with competition will be a near total commitment that is not likely to end well. If he does not want to be a coach, then there is no career for him in soccer.
Why are you suggesting I'm crushing soccer for my son?
Sorry, I took it wrong, I was responding to this:
"I don't know if paying the premium in time and expense is "worth" it."
and some of the negative comments. I just think if a child is really passionate about something, go with it if you can, you're lucky, so many kids don't have a desire for anything in particular.
I don't believe this has to be seen as a lifetime commitment, he may not like it after a year and move on to something else, but it's awesome that he has such a talent at his age.
Best of luck to all of you and there's no shame in being a soccer mom (or football mom or band mom or cheer mom, etc).
Can anyone help? I've read online that a lot of this stuff is a waste of money. That the most important thing for your kid is simply to play games.. can even include street games. No special, foreign affiliations required.
The closest parallel I can think of is music. Lots of kids want to play a musical instrument, but a smaller percentage want to do the hard work and make the sacrifices needed to be really, really good at it. Kids can be flighty, so you have to make sure your kid is really committed.
All three of my kids play musical instruments and are good at it. But when every one of them said, "I want to play [violin/drums/saxophone]," my reply was, "That's great and I want you to succeed. But if I'm going to commit the time and money to you doing this, then there is no slacking off. There's practice everyday. There are music camps. And you will participate in the life of whatever orchestra or band you go into. Because I'm not going to buy a musical instrument and have it collect dust six months from now when it gets hard or boring."
They all agreed, and I held them all to it. Funny thing, they all powered through the routine stuff and it became a rewarding part of their lives. My daughter won a partial scholarship, my older son plays in a band, and my youngest child is likely going to pursue it in college.
Same thing with youth sports. If you are really going to commit, then it can't just be you writing the checks and driving him to soccer practices and games until he gets tired of it and quits. He has to understand what you're putting into it and be prepared to pursue it. Otherwise, just put him in the rec leagues and save your money.
All three of my kids play musical instruments and are good at it. But when every one of them said, "I want to play [violin/drums/saxophone]," my reply was, "That's great and I want you to succeed. But if I'm going to commit the time and money to you doing this, then there is no slacking off. There's practice everyday. There are music camps. And you will participate in the life of whatever orchestra or band you go into. Because I'm not going to buy a musical instrument and have it collect dust six months from now when it gets hard or boring."
They all agreed, and I held them all to it. Funny thing, they all powered through the routine stuff and it became a rewarding part of their lives. ......
We never had or even vaguely considered having that sort of conversation with our daughter. The first year she used a school instrument and a rental. By the second year we were spending $6K for a starter instrument.
We never told her to practice or to go to music camp or play in groups. Kids with a passion do all of that. She even did soccer and music concurrently for a couple of years. By middle school she had to make a choice. We did not need to make her commit to one or the other. She picked music. That made our lives easy. We did not have to drive her to soccer practice or games and sit by the hour every weekend. Instead I got up at 6:30 am on Saturdays, drove her to the train station. She took the train for 2 hours, then the subway and spent the day at Manhattan School of Music. I picked her up at the train station around 7:30p. She did that through middle school and high school before leaving for training at a conservatory.
No one but you, your family and your son can decide if the cost and compromises are going to be worth it. I will just add a few ideas for you to consider.
First it seems very few kids develop strong passions and commit to them. When they do it affects their entire life. They learn to strive for excellence. A strong passion in your son is something to be proud of and to encourage.
It seems that your son has picked up the soccer quickly and has some natural ability. That will wear off quickly. As time goes on the level of competition will increase, and increase and increase. To be a winner, he will need to indeed make a major commitment. If so, there will be little time left for anything else. All of you need to decide if the commitment is there and if the cost is going to be worth the reward.
Speaking of reward, you have already been warned. Many of us have seen the pain that is very likely to be the end result. I have a niece who wanted to be a classical violinist. She practiced and worked through high school, through music school and then paid for an additional year of private study. She was finally told that she just was not good enough to continue. Had she made it to the next step, she would have spent another couple of years in advanced conservatory training. If she made it through she still would have had a minimal chance of making any living playing the violin. The death of that dream was very painful. I don't believe she ever played the violin since then.
You and your son need to realize at the outset that there is virtually no possibility he will make a living playing soccer. In the mean time the only way to continue with competition will be a near total commitment that is not likely to end well. If he does not want to be a coach, then there is no career for him in soccer.
I think I will leave things as they are at the moment. I've only very recently been introduced to the idea of private lessons and the development academy programs, but my kid already knows they exist and what they might add to his experience. I will periodically remind him they are within his reach, but I'm not going to push extra energy towards them. I was very clear in my last conversation that if there is something he wants it's on him to let me know: This is his experience, not mine.
He's content with both his team and his coach. After probing him on and off this week I think that's all he wants right now. If he were really interested in becoming Mr. Mega Soccer Star he would be aspiring to go to the next level no matter the other players or the coach and also taking me up on the offers. This is an example of an actual conversation from last weekend:
Me: If you want to, you can do the finishing camp this week.
Son: But it'll cost money and I know you're trying to pay off the mortgage..
Me: Yes, but it's okay. If you want to do it, you can do it.
Son: We're too poor. Look at my clothes... they all come from the thrift shop!
Me: Now that's just BS... we're careful with money. As I recall you were pretty happy with the shorts you found last week.... Look, all I'm saying is if you want to do the finishing camp, you can do it.
Son: Well, who are the coaches doing it?
Me: I have no clue.
Son: Nah, I'm good.
See what I mean? He's deflecting.
I have been reacting to other parents and what they are saying about my son or what they are doing with their own children but if I look at what my kid only, I see someone who is happy to chat all day about soccer and to play on a good team and have a coach who he admires and adores and that's where it stops.
You are constantly here writing about saving money and pinching the pennies. It seems those same conversations are occurring at home and your son is reacting. You are teaching him how you want him to behave in life.
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