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Wait you mean when he has got money there is more marriage but when she has got more there is less.
Let that soak in for a minute.
It worked in both directions in my case. Because I had a high income I was able to divorce my first husband, who was a verbally abusive alcoholic, unemployed the last 5 years of the marriage. No child support; he wouldn't have agreed to it and I had no intention of giving up real money up front in exchange for promises to pay CS- which he wouldn't have kept. (This was a negotiated settlement, subsequently approved by the court.) DS and I were a lot better off financially after the divorce and purchase of a smaller home.
My second husband was a dear man who was of modest means but clearly stood on his own two feet. We dated for 6 years before we married. We lived a lot better on my income and his SS (he was 15 years older) than we would have on his income and the small amount of savings he had. I told many people I was able to marry for love because I didn't need a provider.
I don't know if lifetime alimony is even awarded in all states now, I think not. But the whole alimony system should be dumped altogether. No adult should have to financially support a person they are no longer married to. That is absurd. The only exception I can think of, is if one spouse caused the other one to be injured and disabled somehow, thus rendering them unable to work after the divorce. But I can't think of any other reason.
I have a 64 year old 1%er uncle who has had a talk show love life over the last decade.
He was married to his second wife from the mid 1990s to 2012. On Christmas Eve 2011, he informed the wife and kids that he was leaving them for his dog's trainer. The wife got something like seven or eight years of $5,000/month alimony, plus a car, plus a new condo, plus child support - it's either recently rolled off or going to shortly. His daughters were then 17 and 13.
Meanwhile, he's put them both through college. He's married, divorced, remarried, then divorced the dog trainer again. Each of those divorces has cost him at least six figures. Each of the ex wives is about 50.
He's gotten connected to some woman in the Philippines who is just in her 30s over the past year and has made two trips there. I'd say it's a matter of time before she ends up here.
I have a 64 year old 1%er uncle who has had a talk show love life over the last decade.
He was married to his second wife from the mid 1990s to 2012. On Christmas Eve 2011, he informed the wife and kids that he was leaving them for his dog's trainer. The wife got something like seven or eight years of $5,000/month alimony, plus a car, plus a new condo, plus child support - it's either recently rolled off or going to shortly. His daughters were then 17 and 13.
Meanwhile, he's put them both through college. He's married, divorced, remarried, then divorced the dog trainer again. Each of those divorces has cost him at least six figures. Each of the ex wives is about 50.
He's gotten connected to some woman in the Philippines who is just in her 30s over the past year and has made two trips there. I'd say it's a matter of time before she ends up here.
I have seen this a few times. Very well-off men, aging, and ending up with lower class women from very submissive/subjugated cultures. My father is one of them, except he was only in his early 50's at the time.
Fair enough - as a single man (in a committed relationship), I can only speak to my experience and those I know. I genuinely believe many couples hire outside help (and do tend to reasonably split what’s left). I do know exceptions, especially if there are kids, as in SAHMs.
i have a cleaning service come every other week but that really doesnt make a huge dent in the needs. especially for me since my house is spotless 24/7 (how the wife likes it). the workload difference when two people work (as you have noted) likely becomes more heavy for women once kids get involved. i dont really know exactly the division of labor with my friends in this scenario but it definitely seems like the women still does plenty more even when it comes to making dinner.
i have a cleaning service come every other week but that really doesnt make a huge dent in the needs. especially for me since my house is spotless 24/7 (how the wife likes it). the workload difference when two people work (as you have noted) likely becomes more heavy for women once kids get involved. i dont really know exactly the division of labor with my friends in this scenario but it definitely seems like the women still does plenty more even when it comes to making dinner.
i dont pretend to do 50% but my wife is a SAHM.
Honestly, the housework and meal planning stuff isn't even that much of a big deal; it's scut work that needs to be done over and over and over; totally not worth arguing about. It's the "mental load" of being the one to schedule and keep track of appointments (medical, dental, orthodontic, remembering to get flu shots), vitamins, school events (my gawd, the theme weeks are a killer), birthday parties and social obligations, library books, back-to-school shopping (including tracking down the graphing calculator that is sold out everywhere and is needed yesterday), Halloween costumes, arranging Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas shopping and gift wrapping, arranging child care for when school is not in session. Don't get me wrong, my husband is awesome about taking them to appointments and stuff (he gets home from work much earlier than I do), but keeping track of and scheduling all of this stuff... There is just.so.much.mental.clutter taking up space in my head.
Honestly, the housework and meal planning stuff isn't even that much of a big deal; it's scut work that needs to be done over and over and over; totally not worth arguing about. It's the "mental load" of being the one to schedule and keep track of appointments (medical, dental, orthodontic, remembering to get flu shots), vitamins, school events (my gawd, the theme weeks are a killer), birthday parties and social obligations, library books, back-to-school shopping (including tracking down the graphing calculator that is sold out everywhere and is needed yesterday), Halloween costumes, arranging Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas shopping and gift wrapping, arranging child care for when school is not in session. Don't get me wrong, my husband is awesome about taking them to appointments and stuff (he gets home from work much earlier than I do), but keeping track of and scheduling all of this stuff... There is just.so.much.mental.clutter taking up space in my head.
My wife is a physician and great at taking care of people, while I have a background in project management and operations... so I take care of all of the household finances, budgeting, scheduling, procurement etc.
I have a 64 year old 1%er uncle who has had a talk show love life over the last decade.
He was married to his second wife from the mid 1990s to 2012. On Christmas Eve 2011, he informed the wife and kids that he was leaving them for his dog's trainer. The wife got something like seven or eight years of $5,000/month alimony, plus a car, plus a new condo, plus child support - it's either recently rolled off or going to shortly. His daughters were then 17 and 13.
Meanwhile, he's put them both through college. He's married, divorced, remarried, then divorced the dog trainer again. Each of those divorces has cost him at least six figures. Each of the ex wives is about 50.
He's gotten connected to some woman in the Philippines who is just in her 30s over the past year and has made two trips there. I'd say it's a matter of time before she ends up here.
That's pretty awful but this man has not learned, it seems. Taking on a second family will break a lot of men financially unless they are extremely wealthy. Especially since men are often the ones who wind up paying CS and alimony.
I know someone who married a woman from the Philippines, brought her here; put her name on the house when they married. When they split a few years later, she got half the house. That was years ago and he did NOT remarry, he learned his lesson. But I suspect he's not doing as well financially as he used to. He lives in an apartment now.
The SuperMom Syndrome (it's not worth it).
[url]https://www.huffpost.com/entry/super-mom-syndrome_b_596e543ae4b07f87578e6c8f[/url]
Oh definitely, there is a [largely self-imposed] pressure to try and "do it all", but I'm talking about many of the things that need to be kept track of and need to be done... and the World still assumes it's the mom's job to make sure they get done.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 09-11-2019 at 01:19 PM..
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