Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you all that you're scaring the &%* outta me with your comments.
Good, because this is an issue you need to take seriously. When you buy into a neighborhood, you're not just buying a house. You are buying a lifestyle, and you are choosing your children's future friends. Take a good look at the way the families in your prospective new neighborhood are living, and ask yourself if your family will comfortably fit in there before you buy the house. Are those kids a peer group you want your kids to emulate? (And of course the same goes for the neighborhood you're currently living in. Are the older kids in your current neighborhood living the way you want your kids to live? Do they value the things you want your kids to value?) As children grow older they become ever more influenced by their peer group, so who that peer group will be and what values that peer group embraces really matter.
Good, because this is an issue you need to take seriously. When you buy into a neighborhood, you're not just buying a house. You are buying a lifestyle, and you are choosing your children's future friends. Take a good look at the way the families in your prospective new neighborhood are living, and ask yourself if your family will comfortably fit in there before you buy the house. Are those kids a peer group you want your kids to emulate? (And of course the same goes for the neighborhood you're currently living in. Are the older kids in your current neighborhood living the way you want your kids to live? Do they value the things you want your kids to value?) As children grow older they become ever more influenced by their peer group, so who that peer group will be and what values that peer group embraces really matter.
I very much agree with this.
Clothing from Patagonia, Uggs, not just iPhones but Airpods too, iPads or MacBooks to do school work, invites to ski trips over winter break or to the beach house on the Eastern shore during spring break, travel sports, expensive summer camps, etc. etc. etc.
How do I know this? I work in a private school near where OP is buying this house. I'm on the floor with middle schoolers many of them from affluent families - I hear things. There is very much a "keeping up with the Joneses" attitude among those who buy 1M+ homes.
You're missing the point: it's the kids (not the parents) who are doing the comparing. Have you ever heard the expression "the nail which sticks up must be hammered down"? Middle school kids live by that saying. The kid who differs significantly in terms of dress, type/amount of bling owned, ability to participate in group activities, etc. and who therefore does not fit in with the rest of the group is honestly miserable (and may be the target of bullying, as well). It doesn't matter if the reason he/she doesn't fit in is honest family financial limitations or a deliberate choice of frugality on the part of the parents. He/she doesn't fit in, and will be excluded and teased. It's a developmental phase young adolescents go through as they begin the process of separating emotionally from their family unit. It's easier to break away from the orbit of Mom and Dad if you have another source of emotional gravitational attraction (your peer group) who can draw you away and into their orbit.
The "I must be EXACTLY like all my friends!!!" phase begins to peter out in most kids around age 15. But make no mistake about it, the kids who don't fit in during middle school do suffer (and sometimes in lasting ways). Kids AREN'T adults, and they can't adopt that "you do you and I'll do me" attitude you espouse until they are past that particular developmental phase in their life.
aahhh, someone who starts out by saying "you are missing the point" and is about to tell me some really genius stuff. people who start out by telling other people they are the ones missing the point are probably the people who are really missing the point.
i will buy my child what i want to and you buy your kid what you want to. dont try to convince me what is right or wrong and dont complain about your kid asking for stuff. you are the parents of your child(ren) and i am the parent of my children.
oh and i wasnt disagreeing with the notion that moving to a more expensive area could lead to kids wanting to do more expensive activities and want more things. i live in an expensive area and every now and then you see these posts on facebook "when do i buy my kid a phone" "does a 4th grader need a cell phone" "i am an old idiot and i think that nobody needs a cell phone in 4th grade" etc. etc. etc. as if anyone cares about their baby boomeresque opinions.
Last edited by CaptainNJ; 09-20-2019 at 01:34 PM..
Yes, this. And the phone thing is chump change. Wait until the kids hear stories about the vacations their friends took over Christmas break, and they start seeing the cars that some kids are driving to school.
Puerta Vallarta and Hawaii in the winter. Europe or another continent in the summer. Skiing or island vacation home in between.
It's interesting because I live in a district that has everything from $2.5 million homes to low income housing. We fall somewhere in between. My kids are in 8th and 10th grade. They don't really care about stuff. I don't know if they are unusual or what. I see how the high schoolers dress and it is not at all about the latest thing. Most of them wear shorts and a sweatshirt. Not fancy AT ALL. I can't honestly say how the low income kids feel. But their parents move them to this district because they want a good education for their kids.
I always told my kids when we went to Target if they wanted something that their birthday or Christmas would be coming in x amount of time. They learned that most of the time the answer was no from an early age.
It's interesting because I live in a district that has everything from $2.5 million homes to low income housing. We fall somewhere in between. My kids are in 8th and 10th grade. They don't really care about stuff. I don't know if they are unusual or what. I see how the high schoolers dress and it is not at all about the latest thing. Most of them wear shorts and a sweatshirt. Not fancy AT ALL. I can't honestly say how the low income kids feel. But their parents move them to this district because they want a good education for their kids.
I always told my kids when we went to Target if they wanted something that their birthday or Christmas would be coming in x amount of time. They learned that most of the time the answer was no from an early age.
By high school you see all sorts. I think there are more acceptable options for self expression.
Puerta Vallarta and Hawaii in the winter. Europe or another continent in the summer. Skiing or island vacation home in between.
Not sure what is your point?? If you like vacations and can afford them... great.
My point is that a parent who doesn't want to pay for something... a particular vacation, car, phone, etc... shouldn't put their kids in an environment where they'll constantly be around others who have those things. Don't assume they will be happy merely because they get to live in a "nice" house and go to a "good" school.
It's interesting because I live in a district that has everything from $2.5 million homes to low income housing. We fall somewhere in between. My kids are in 8th and 10th grade. They don't really care about stuff. I don't know if they are unusual or what. I see how the high schoolers dress and it is not at all about the latest thing. Most of them wear shorts and a sweatshirt. Not fancy AT ALL. I can't honestly say how the low income kids feel. But their parents move them to this district because they want a good education for their kids.
What this shows is the importance of checking out a neighborhood; they're not all the same (even when the house prices may be identical). In your district the wealthier kids aren't being encouraged or permitted to flaunt their families' money (possibly because the neighborhood has such a wide mix of incomes), so the peer group isn't engaging in a lot of competitive consumerism. In other neighborhoods "if you've got it, flaunt it!" may be the rule. It's obviously easier to rein in kids' consumerist tendencies in Neighborhood #1 than Neighborhood #2.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hikernut
My point is that a parent who doesn't want to pay for something... a particular vacation, car, phone, etc... shouldn't put their kids in an environment where they'll constantly be around others who have those things. Don't assume they will be happy merely because they get to live in a "nice" house and go to a "good" school.
Hikernut gets it. To most kids, school is just school and a house is just a house. They are like fish who don't notice the water they are swimming in; that stuff's just in the background for them. What they pay close attention to are their peers: what they have and how they act. If they are significantly out of step with their peer group, they're not likely to be happy about it no matter how nice the house and the school are.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
