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I didn't think so. I had recalled you saving a lot more. Glad to hear you're able (and willing) to add more balance to your life.
Yeah, transitions are tough for me, but I wished I'd come to this point sooner. The first step was saving less for retirement and giving myself freedom to just live/explore a little. Then I took a few road trips this summer. On one of them I was visiting a friend and I just totally realized I couldn't keep living life the way I've been doing it (a mixture of boredom with the status quo and feeling like I wasn't doing anything useful to make the world better).
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
I'm looking forward to doing that in a couple of years.
I know I'm being a total hypocrite in saying this, and I know having a husband and kids makes the picture more complicated...but....sooner is better. I wouldn't say that to just anyone; but you and I have similar hyper-saving tendencies. I think there's a saying "wise people learn from the mistakes of others".
Yeah, transitions are tough for me, but I wished I'd come to this point sooner. The first step was saving less for retirement and giving myself freedom to just live/explore a little. Then I took a few road trips this summer. On one of them I was visiting a friend and I just totally realized I couldn't keep living life the way I've been doing it (a mixture of boredom with the status quo and feeling like I wasn't doing anything useful to make the world better).
I know I'm being a total hypocrite in saying this, and I know having a husband and kids makes the picture more complicated...but....sooner is better. I wouldn't say that to just anyone; but you and I have similar hyper-saving tendencies. I think there's a saying "wise people learn from the mistakes of others".
I understand. I had an evening last week where what you're saying sort of hit me. Actually two days. This first involved getting to go see our professional soccer team (Sounders) for free. First professional soccer game ever, but I hadn't been to a professional game of any sort since the mid-90's. I enjoyed it... a lot. Felt weird to be back in a stadium after so many years (I played in the marching band in college). Can't describe it other than it was the first time I felt... first time I felt I've truly deprived..
The second night was Friday. One son went to high school football game with friends. The second son went driving with friends. My husband was out having drinks with friends. And there I was at home, alone, and acutely aware that even if I had wanted to go out (I didn't), I couldn't, because I don't have friends. Not a one...
But here is the thing. My husband had some internal bleeding the next day.. Not much.. but second time in a month. He needs to get it checked out because from what I've read there aren't many choices: inflammation or tumors. Family is full of cancer and it strikes young.
You know we are close to a big milestone. We need 11 months, maybe 9-10 if I work really hard. It allows me to continue life here, possibly indefinitely, with or without my husband's income. We really need to get it done.... at least that's what I believe... But in the back of my mind I know I already have other options. I can take many punches, just maybe need to take them somewhere else.
I'll make a promise to you and to myself. I get done with this and rebuild the emergency fund (we will still have a CD at the end of this that will, in theory, cover 6 months, but I'd like to rebuild the full fund which will cover 4 years) and I will cut back. I will go see more soccer games. I will go see the symphony. I will get my hair cut by someone other than my husband. I will buy new shoes. And a kayak. I will join a bookclub. And sometimes take off work during the holidays.
In the meantime.. I'm filling empty pockets of time with books and painting my home. Both are immensely gratifying in their own ways. And I'm still thankful to wake up in the PNW each day... so I'm okay. Halfway done and totally hanging in there!
I understand. I had an evening last week where what you're saying sort of hit me. Actually two days. This first involved getting to go see our professional soccer team (Sounders) for free. First professional soccer game ever, but I hadn't been to a professional game of any sort since the mid-90's. I enjoyed it... a lot. Felt weird to be back in a stadium after so many years (I played in the marching band in college). Can't describe it other than it was the first time I felt... first time I felt I've truly deprived..
When you're hyper-focused on a goal, you tend to suppress and deny any feelings of deprivation. I admit I sorta do that. Just taking some trips last summer (2018) and this summer (2019) really opened me up to want to do something different than my current routine. And while these were vacations, they also had an exploratory/spiritual aspect to them. I wasn't just going on vacation. I was opening myself up to other possibilities. Being stuck in a routine can really give you tunnel vision (at least for me).
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
The second night was Friday. One son went to high school football game with friends. The second son went driving with friends. My husband was out having drinks with friends. And there I was at home, alone, and acutely aware that even if I had wanted to go out (I didn't), I couldn't, because I don't have friends. Not a one...
Mmm, yeah I can relate. While I do have friends, a while back when we were DM-ing each other I realized I've outgrown my job / life / friends here in the Bay Area and that I needed some more friends / new friends / a new thing to do / new location. I was getting too heavy with you and inadvertently using you as a substitute for redoing my life. Sorry for burdening you with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
But here is the thing. My husband had some internal bleeding the next day.. Not much.. but second time in a month. He needs to get it checked out because from what I've read there aren't many choices: inflammation or tumors. Family is full of cancer and it strikes young.
Uh-oh. So sorry to hear that. I'll be hoping & praying for the best for you and your DH and family. Interestingly, one of the things I want to be doing is the spiritual aspects of healing. Not that I'm against conventional medicine, but I don't think it's nearly enough (for lots of reasons that go beyond the scope of this thread).
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
You know we are close to a big milestone. We need 11 months, maybe 9-10 if I work really hard. It allows me to continue life here, possibly indefinitely, with or without my husband's income. We really need to get it done.... at least that's what I believe... But in the back of my mind I know I already have other options. I can take many punches, just maybe need to take them somewhere else.
Yeah, I read your posts, so I know. But you just have to realize sometimes you gotta let go and loosen up and things will be ok. It's great to have goals, but sometimes we cling too tightly to those goals and close ourselves off and become blind to more important things.
Back in June I just finally realized I was going to turn into a zombie if I keep working at my current job for another 6 years--at least if I keep doing it just to accrue more money in my retirement accounts. I gotta have a solid plan for what's next beyond the financial aspect. And per our past discussions, I half think the reset button is gonna get hit and the $$ won't matter anyway...so I had to ask myself what the heck I've been doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
I'll make a promise to you and to myself. I get done with this and rebuild the emergency fund (we will still have a CD at the end of this that will, in theory, cover 6 months, but I'd like to rebuild the full fund which will cover 4 years) and I will cut back. I will go see more soccer games. I will go see the symphony. I will get my hair cut by someone other than my husband. I will buy new shoes. And a kayak. I will join a bookclub. And sometimes take off work during the holidays.
Great. And if, for whatever reason, if you can't execute your plan in the time frame you want, promise me and yourself you won't freak out about it. Most people give up on their plans and dreams too easily. You have the opposite problem--you cling too tightly at all costs! (Believe me. I understand. I'm like that, too!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom
In the meantime.. I'm filling empty pockets of time with books and painting my home. Both are immensely gratifying in their own ways. And I'm still thankful to wake up in the PNW each day... so I'm okay. Halfway done and totally hanging in there!
Great. It's totally ok to give yourself some breathing room so you can open up to other possibilities. That's what my road trips the last 2 summers did for me.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 09-22-2019 at 11:14 PM..
Approx 30% covers 401k maximum. I dont always hit the max as certain expenses come up. I'm only saving about 16,000 this year due to an expensive vacation and a wedding I'm attending later this year.
10% covers max for Roth.
By end of year I've saved another 1-10% of my income in cash that usually gets directed to investments in some form or fashion.
We live in the Northwest Arkansas (Fayetteville/Bentonville) area.
It's hard to estimate on a monthly basis because of 401ks, fluctuations in expenses, etc. But last year if you add up our gross income and our expenses (which I keep track of monthly) our expenses accounted for 25% of our gross income. Obviously you'd need to subtract out taxes and other stuff to get to the real number. This year our expenses are tracking to be about 32% of our gross income.rka
Last edited by mizzourah2006; 09-23-2019 at 09:12 AM..
When you're hyper-focused on a goal, you tend to suppress and deny any feelings of deprivation. I admit I sorta do that. Just taking some trips last summer (2018) and this summer (2019) really opened me up to want to do something different than my current routine. And while these were vacations, they also had an exploratory/spiritual aspect to them. I wasn't just going on vacation. I was opening myself up to other possibilities. Being stuck in a routine can really give you tunnel vision (at least for me).
Mmm, yeah I can relate. While I do have friends, a while back when we were DM-ing each other I realized I've outgrown my job / life / friends here in the Bay Area and that I needed some more friends / new friends / a new thing to do / new location. I was getting too heavy with you and inadvertently using you as a substitute for redoing my life. Sorry for burdening you with that.
Uh-oh. So sorry to hear that. I'll be hoping & praying for the best for you and your DH and family. Interestingly, one of the things I want to be doing is the spiritual aspects of healing. Not that I'm against conventional medicine, but I don't think it's nearly enough (for lots of reasons that go beyond the scope of this thread).
Yeah, I read your posts, so I know. But you just have to realize sometimes you gotta let go and loosen up and things will be ok. It's great to have goals, but sometimes we cling too tightly to those goals and close ourselves off and become blind to more important things.
Back in June I just finally realized I was going to turn into a zombie if I keep working at my current job for another 6 years--at least if I keep doing it just to accrue more money in my retirement accounts. I gotta have a solid plan for what's next beyond the financial aspect. And per our past discussions, I half think the reset button is gonna get hit and the $$ won't matter anyway...so I had to ask myself what the heck I've been doing.
Great. And if, for whatever reason, if you can't execute your plan in the time frame you want, promise me and yourself you won't freak out about it. Most people give up on their plans and dreams too easily. You have the opposite problem--you cling too tightly at all costs! (Believe me. I understand. I'm like that, too!)
Great. It's totally ok to give yourself some breathing room so you can open up to other possibilities. That's what my road trips the last 2 summers did for me.
I could sense something has shifted with/for you. It sounds good.. Invigorating, perhaps even...
The DM's might have bothered you, but they weren't bothersome to me. I don't have much time to sit down and write. I'm frequently short and curt.. sometimes I don't respond at all (leastprime!). And then there is the part about me being unjustifiably antagonistic sometimes. But though you say were being "heavy" I think you are quite good at staying courteous and mindful.
I live in the Metrowest Boston area and save between 25-35%. I have my emergency fund (at 7 months, working toward 9 months) and house downpayment savings set up so that i have a certain amount transferred out of checking every week and divvied up between a few different funds. If I am making a bigger purchase or have a more expensive month (like having to buy a bridesmaid dress last month), then I cancel an automatic transfer or two rather than dipping into my savings. That method works for me.
Last year, I moved out into my own apartment after years of living with roommates, so I had to buy a whole apartment worth of furniture and other supplies. That certainly has cut into my savings since I'm diverting a higher percentage of income toward household supplies. I used interest free credit cards with rewards to make those purchases so that I can pay for the cards rather than cut into my cash reserve.
I hope to bring that savings rate closer to 40% after the start of the next year when everything is paid off.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We are in the Seattle area, and I just did the calculations after looking at my last pay stub for the amounts automatically going to the 5 accounts and retirement funds. Between the 401K, 457, and two savings accounts it's 21.7%. Then there is another amount going to my pension.
Between all savings, from net after paycheck to post tax ESOP deductions to 401k contributions between us and our employer (match) and dividends we save around ~15,000/month. I do not know what % savings that is as the computation would be quite difficult as I am not salary and income varies month to month. It's kinda irrelevant though IMO as you don't spend % of savings rate, you spend money.
yeah, i have no idea what my gross or net is until the taxes get done october the following year. all i know is what i have added to my bank (which is easily put together in mint) which is a combination of gross and net deposits.
i do keep an eye on the percentage though. relevant or not, i feel like i want that % to stay high as it means that it will be easier to maintain my standard of living with whatever i have accumulated.
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But though you say were being "heavy" I think you are quite good at staying courteous and mindful.
