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You're 28 and you're going to be making around $75,000 per year? Time to move out, get a girlfriend and go on your own vacations. What are you going to do with any money you save living at home--go on a cruise with your parents?
Yup.
On the cruise thing. I'm not a fan of one big or expensive gift used to make up to or compensate someone. It's nice and it's something they might not do for themselves. But life goes on 52 weeks a year as do the expenses & time that add up. Can't always 'buy' people off in one fell swoop They can't spend that vacation.
Deciding on what decision to make. Whether I want to save lots of money and live with my parents, but lose out on freedom and independence. Or choose to be on my own do my own thing however not save as much money. I was thinking living in a studio and just have freedom to do whatever I want. I am 28 year old single male to put it in perspective.
Ever consider that your parents might want a break from parenting you? Ever consider that they might be tired of subsidizing you? For if you are living with your folks, that's what you're asking them to do in ways large and small. They might not be telling you this, but maybe they want to downsize. Maybe they want to retire. Maybe they want to move to the mountains or the beach or wherever and start the next phase of their lives. Instead they have a son who is considering moving into his old bedroom.
It's not all about you, you know.
Several years ago, my wife and I watched The War, the documentary by Ken Burns. It was about World War II. The people they interviewed were men and women who had been 18, 19, and 20 at the time and were flying planes, sailing ships, building bridges, and going into combat.
When we saw that, it was an epiphany for us. We had adolescent children at the time. And while we always expected them to perform household chores, we didn't really emphasize their becoming self sufficient.
We realized the most important part of parenting is teaching kids to stand on their own two feet. Sure, we help them out from time to time when they need it. But our kids all have jobs and pretty much pay their way in life. They are happy, well-adjusted, and have learned a great deal from the experience. My two sons are in their early 20s, and they know where to buy their groceries for less, which gas stations charge less per gallon. How to balance a checkbook. When not to go out on the town. There have been a couple of times when one or the other had to pretty much live off peanut butter sandwiches. But, guess what? They are kind of proud that they've been able to balance school and work and still usually have some money left over after they've paid their bills. If they need help, they know we're always ready to help. But those occasions are pretty rare.
As a result, my wife and I were able to sell our large house in the suburbs, downsize into a condo closer to my wife's office, and are living a pretty blissful life. Just by making that move, we're saving about $2,000 a month and have a lot more cushion. After all, we're staring down the business end of retirement in about 7-10 years right now. We're doing well, but we sure could use a cushion ourselves while enjoying the lifestyle we gave up in order to have kids.
What's more, it's not just about independence and freedom. It's about self-respect. Good God, you are a grown-assed man at age 28. You have been a legal adult for ten years. Yet you are essentially choosing a prolonged childhood and making your parents pay the tab. Oh sure, your parents will say that they're glad to have you at home. But deep down, they would be happier if you went out and became a grownup.
You sound like my brother-in-law. He is an engineer. After getting his degree and working a couple of years, he met a woman, dated her and married her. It was a disastrous marriage, and they were done inside of a year.
So what did he do? Moved in with his folks. Moved into their basement. It didn't help that my in-laws are the cheapest people on the planet, so they kept telling him that, hey, look at all the money you're saving. Plus they kept telling him how important it was that he stayed so he could help them maintain their monster 7,000 sf house.
He started an engineering firm with a partner, grew it, sold it, and cashed in big time. Still is living with his parents to this day. Never bought his own place. Now, 25 years later, he's 55, couldn't find a woman to date if his life depended on it--because no woman wants to date a man that age who lives with his folks.
What's more, no matter how much money he squirreled away, it's never enough. So because he succumbed to the acquisitive mindset, he's wound up a glorified manchild who is successful professionally, but not so much so in any other sphere of his life.
Guess what? When you're 28, you're supposed to be a little bit poor. Being a little poor, by the way, is the best incentive for being successful. It instills drive. It teaches you how to handle your money. It teaches you the discipline to budget, plan, and do without.
Get your studio apartment. Move out. If you're short on cash, work a second job or drive Uber. Moonlight as a bartender one night a weekend and you could pay that $27K off in a couple of years. But learn what it takes to be your own person. Three, five, ten years from now, you'll like yourself a great deal more for doing it.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 01-04-2020 at 09:53 PM..
Deciding on what decision to make. Whether I want to save lots of money and live with my parents, but lose out on freedom and independence. Or choose to be on my own do my own thing however not save as much money. I was thinking living in a studio and just have freedom to do whatever I want. I am 28 year old single male to put it in perspective.
I think at 28 it's time for you to move out. If you've been living with your parents all this time, you already should have saved a good amount of money.
What is your salary? Oregon: I am expecting 70-75k gross. San Diego: 80k gross. I work in healthcare so work 3 days a week. I am debating on whether I want to get a second job part time or per diem work for extra cash. Depends on how confident I am at my job. I am a new grad if that matters.
I would get the per diem job and hustle to pay off that debt ASAP and build up some savings, then move. I think a studio is better than a 1BR. Don't pay more in rent than you have to. Real freedom comes from being able to afford your own basic lifestyle without being subsidized by someone else and from being debt free and having your own savings and investments (i.e. reducing, and eventually eliminating the financial necessity of having to work for money). I highly recommend the Mr. Money Mustache blog:
I'm 49. Last year my investment gains were more than my salary. That won't happen every year because the investment markets (both stocks and bonds) went kinda bonkers last year--and that won't happen every year for sure. However, I didn't do anything special....just invested a good chunk of my salary in a mix of stock and bond mutual funds for the last 23 years. Heck, I shot myself in the foot on several occasions by moving money around from fund to fund at inopportune times (best to just leave it alone). I didn't get started until I was 26. Wish I'd gotten started sooner! You have a better salary than I do. You can create a lot of options for yourself (besides the typical payday to payday / debt ridden lifestyle) if you want to.
But give yourself a firm 1 year deadline. Don't let it drag on longer than that. You could probably pay off your student loans in 6 months if you aren't paying rent.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 01-04-2020 at 10:00 PM..
On the cruise thing. I'm not a fan of one big or expensive gift used to make up to or compensate someone. It's nice and it's something they might not do for themselves. But life goes on 52 weeks a year as do the expenses & time that add up. Can't always 'buy' people off in one fell swoop They can't spend that vacation.
Yeah, that's kinda what I think. If you give people money, they can spend it how they want. Not everyone wants to go on a cruise.
Ever consider that your parents might want a break from parenting you? Ever consider that they might be tired of subsidizing you? For if you are living with your folks, that's what you're asking them to do in ways large and small. They might not be telling you this, but maybe they want to downsize. Maybe they want to retire. Maybe they want to move to the mountains or the beach or wherever and start the next phase of their lives. Instead they have a son who is considering moving into his old bedroom.
It's not all about you, you know.
Several years ago, my wife and I watched The War, the documentary by Ken Burns. It was about World War II. The people they interviewed were men and women who had been 18, 19, and 20 at the time and were flying planes, sailing ships, building bridges, and going into combat.
When we saw that, it was an epiphany for us. We had adolescent children at the time. And while we always expected them to perform household chores, we didn't really emphasize their becoming self sufficient.
We realized the most important part of parenting is teaching kids to stand on their own two feet. Sure, we help them out from time to time when they need it. But our kids all have jobs and pretty much pay their way in life. They are happy, well-adjusted, and have learned a great deal from the experience. My two sons are in their early 20s, and they know where to buy their groceries for less, which gas stations charge less per gallon. How to balance a checkbook. When not to go out on the town. There have been a couple of times when one or the other had to pretty much live off peanut butter sandwiches. But, guess what? They are kind of proud that they've been able to balance school and work and still usually have some money left over after they've paid their bills. If they need help, they know we're always ready to help. But those occasions are pretty rare.
As a result, my wife and I were able to sell our large house in the suburbs, downsize into a condo closer to my wife's office, and are living a pretty blissful life. Just by making that move, we're saving about $2,000 a month and have a lot more cushion. After all, we're staring down the business end of retirement in about 7-10 years right now. We're doing well, but we sure could use a cushion ourselves while enjoying the lifestyle we gave up in order to have kids.
What's more, it's not just about independence and freedom. It's about self-respect. Good God, you are a grown-assed man at age 28. You have been a legal adult for ten years. Yet you are essentially choosing a prolonged childhood and making your parents pay the tab. Oh sure, your parents will say that they're glad to have you at home. But deep down, they would be happier if you went out and became a grownup.
You sound like my brother-in-law. He is an engineer. After getting his degree and working a couple of years, he met a woman, dated her and married her. It was a disastrous marriage, and they were done inside of a year.
So what did he do? Moved in with his folks. Moved into their basement. It didn't help that my in-laws are the cheapest people on the planet, so they kept telling him that, hey, look at all the money you're saving. Plus they kept telling him how important it was that he stayed so he could help them maintain their monster 7,000 sf house.
He started an engineering firm with a partner, grew it, sold it, and cashed in big time. Still is living with his parents to this day. Never bought his own place. Now, 25 years later, he's 55, couldn't find a woman to date if his life depended on it--because no woman wants to date a man that age who lives with his folks.
What's more, no matter how much money he squirreled away, it's never enough. So because he succumbed to the acquisitive mindset, he's wound up a glorified manchild who is successful professionally, but not so much so in any other sphere of his life.
Guess what? When you're 28, you're supposed to be a little bit poor. Being a little poor, by the way, is the best incentive for being successful. It instills drive. It teaches you how to handle your money. It teaches you the discipline to budget, plan, and do without.
Get your studio apartment. Move out. If you're short on cash, work a second job or drive Uber. Moonlight as a bartender one night a weekend and you could pay that $27K off in a couple of years. But learn what it takes to be your own person. Three, five, ten years from now, you'll like yourself a great deal more for doing it.
Bravo.
People talk and details matter. Absolutely people will snicker or gossip at a man living at home with parents especially if they don't have a medical or financial need. It will start out as a plan for a few years and just like that guy a 1/4 century later sos with some money. These things have a way catching up to a person. Same professionally especially if going to work for someone else, they'll wonder if his parents need him and they can't assign travel, long hours ie might lose promotions and opportunity. Friends will realize why they are never invited for dinner or a party. He'll become the third wheel.
And absolutely self respect. The parents won't know what's going on when their adult child brings a date up to their bedroom and closes the door??? Minus get a billboard with the evening's itinerary on it. There's no privacy for either party, everyone knows what everyone else is doing.
It's one thing to be a care giver or help out financially or physically with some parents but if they have no special needs get out, can always go back and probably will actually HAVE TO go back in a quarter century or two.
People talk and details matter. Absolutely people will snicker or gossip at a man living at home with parents especially if they don't have a medical or financial need. It will start out as a plan for a few years and just like that guy a 1/4 century later sos with some money. These things have a way catching up to a person. Same professionally especially if going to work for someone else, they'll wonder if his parents need him and they can't assign travel, long hours ie might lose promotions and opportunity. Friends will realize why they are never invited for dinner or a party. He'll become the third wheel.
And absolutely self respect. The parents won't know what's going on when their adult child brings a date up to their bedroom and closes the door??? Minus get a billboard with the evening's itinerary on it. There's no privacy for either party, everyone knows what everyone else is doing.
It's one thing to be a care giver or help out financially or physically with some parents but if they have no special needs get out, can always go back and probably will actually HAVE TO go back in a quarter century or two.
I know people who did this and ZERO % of what you said happened to them.
They left their parents' home a few years later, debt-free. Most are married. All are banking big time and doing great in their careers except one (she has other issues).
Worrying about what people think instead of making fiscally smart decisions is like a disease in this country
I've always been about saving money. That's what you need to live in this world.
I've never understood the angst about living at home for a little bit. They act like living at home is the end of the world. It's not.
It's a year. Not forever.
Only you know how much your parents will even care about your private life. A person CAN live at home and NOT have parents in their personal business to the point on interfering.
For your career would it be better to be in SD? More opportunities, more exposure to world class institutions and contacts. Building your career is about the networking and opportunities you can be exposed to as you advance.
Also, I know you're planning a trip for them later on. But in the meantime, just to show your appreciation, I'd make some kind of monthly token contribution to the household also.
Personally, I would stay at home. I think it's be better for your money and your career for the longer term.
But that's just me. If you really want to live in Oregon that's fine too.
Quote:
Worrying about what people think instead of making fiscally smart decisions is like a disease in this country
On the cruise thing. I'm not a fan of one big or expensive gift used to make up to or compensate someone. It's nice and it's something they might not do for themselves. But life goes on 52 weeks a year as do the expenses & time that add up. Can't always 'buy' people off in one fell swoop They can't spend that vacation.
My point was that a grown man ought to take his own vacations.
I could understand the OP living with his parents if he was strapped financially. But he's going to be making more than what many people support a family on. $75k is more than enough to rent an apartment, pay off his loans and go on vacation.
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