Well, flying, yes I knew it was coming.
But this year, I honestly don't quite know what to say.
Why? Well the last two years we completely missed the mark, or markS?
This year was a disastrous year to try to accomplish much, but although I lost my hotel job due to lockdown, and we signed up for all relief program s, it turned out with the covid govt checks, and a "covid bonus" my spouse was paid per hour, we managed to maintain status quo on bills, basically breaking even on cash flow vs outgo.
Nothing magnificent, mind you, no lofty goals met for huge savings deposits or investments, in fact to do the "other necessary" items, needed to draw out savings earmarked for retirement.
Also, I told my spouse last Nov "you've git all of 2020 to get it right".. as far as being lazy about working, about the infidelity issues, about the "control freak" issues, about the "truth and honesty" (for just ONCE in my spouses life!!??), And choices made and subsequent consequences, or (should be capitalized "OR") ID BE FILING FOR DIVORCE. GRR.
Lockdown only kept my spouse from running off for "outside the marriage entertainment" (shall we say?) BUT, come our anniversary week in July (an anniversary SHOULD be 'sacred' to any relationship!?!?!?), Let's just say spouse returned to old infidelity behavior, and was caught quickly, then refused to acknowledge it's wrongness, tried lying about it (isn't that a moot point when you've been CAUGHT?!?), And if course couldn't be bothered to even be apologetic about it!?!?!, Breaking about every 'rule' in the book, for which I had warned....would result in ..
SO: end result is I have filed for divorce. No sense in waiting out the rest of the year, chosen behaviors exhibited are obviously NOT going to change, so why bother to wait?
For me it really was over at least 5 years ago, but I still took blame where none was warranted, continued to try to figure out what I had done wrong, or had not done right taking on the responsibility of assuming it was 'my fault,' (obviously erroneously), and pulled every rabbit out if the hat to save this thing we called a "marriage" that in reality was no different than a roommate situation, sharing ONLY a bed to actually only sleep in, and a piece of paper saying we were attached at the hip, for no other part of it in any way resembled a 'marriage'.
Grr.
I should have gotten the point when spouse walked out on marriage counseling, refused religious marriage counseling, and walked out of therapy sessions 3 and 4 years ago but I kept at it, in vain....and in vain....and in vain...
Grr! Now that THAT is off my chest, as you can see, ANY financial planning likewise went out the window, needless to say.
I have spent the best part of the beginning of the year (during downtime for covid-19 lockdown) formulating a 5 year and 10year plan. It would have moved faster and gone higher quicker HAD my spouse been a part of it, but I still have a basic formulation that will be solely MINE as soon as the finalized divorce decree approaches and the termination of MY life of torture with this particular spouse.
The basic outline is:
1) finish off all debts except the mortgage (and I'll be damned if I'm NOT getting the house in the divorce!!!).
2) aggressively reduce expenses and outgo
3) begin maximizing savings and investment (because the house may be the ONLY asset I will get in the divorce!!)
4) in 5 years go to the then MY chosen southern warmer locale and purchase retirement home.
5) somewhere between year 5 and year 10 to move or wait exactly until year 10 to actually effect the move.
6) sell all three pieces of property ( MINE {Note my possessive use here}, and my father's home (because he should have passed by then) and the duplex in florida dad and I own (the one that my EX cannot touch!), And most likely invest all the proceeds.
7) merge my estate at the time of dads passing into the family trust (thank the magnificent stars my EX cannot get hands ON the family trust in the divorce!!) To build a, or THE largest estate I can, so that I may retire at age 67 fully hopefully with the health needed to actually enjoy it!!
Thars the outline. For now , I'm plowing all finances into getting all debts (save that mortgage for MY house (possessive, aren't I?), So that I can start fresh with my plan as soon as decree is in my hot little hands to go immediately to get EX off mortgage and deed.
It still could take most or all of 2021 to get to divorce finalization, so I may be a year behind.
Also to manage gainful (enough) employment at a level at which I can suspend indefinitely my SSDI, and then take full Retirement SS at 67.
So, right now, so that my EX won't gain from my due diligence and furtive industry, I will bide my time on my plans.
May 2021 be the happiest for ME, once I am permenantly excisioned from my EX!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL AND BEST WISHES FOR A HEALTHY HAPPY PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!
(in that order!)
(Beethoven's 9th plays joyously in the background!)
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