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Old 01-15-2021, 01:36 AM
 
10 posts, read 9,399 times
Reputation: 31

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Hey All,

I wanted to see if the community could give me some ideas on a life situation that needs help.

Location: Corona, CA

My sister (30 year old female) got kicked out of her apartment (though I don’t think it was actually an eviction) last November.

She was going to be on the streets so I gave her the option of living in a trailer at my house, she took this option.

She has zero savings, she doesn’t have a car, but we did manage to get her a job working full time at the local Walmart.

She also got a DUI last year so she isn’t able to drive even if we could somehow get her a car.

Right now she walks to work during the day and takes uber/lyft back home at night for safety reasons.

I’m trying to help her get her finances together with some budgeting, but it’s really hard with her existing obligations.

All of her credit cards are maxed out and I have her currently paying the minimums to stay ahead of fees.

She also has mandatory DUI classes that she needs to pay for.

I would really love her to put more money into savings (instead of the $129 free spending), but I’m having a hard time convincing her of this and I don’t have direct access to her money.

The big x factor here

My sister is starting to put a strain on my marriage which is something that I can’t have. It’s also starting to affect my work because I’m always stressing about her and trying to figure out how to get her out of her hole.

So I would like to seek ideas from the group on how to get her out of here and on her feet the best way possible.

I honestly think our timeline to have her stay here is a month or two more at most. (I really don’t know where the tipping point will be for my marriage which is a struggle for me to put together a timeline)

She can’t go to anyone else in the family, how she ended up at my place in the first place, she’s already burned all of those bridges with her prior drug and alcohol history.

I honestly don’t think she can afford to live in California but I have no idea how I would get her on her feet in another, lower cost of living state - especially with no car.

In my mind right now the #1 goal is to get some form of semi reliable transportation (ideally a car so she can live out of the car - but not sure how that would work)

Monthly Budget (Starting this month)

Income: ~$1,560

Uber/Lyft Budget: $300
Cell Phone: $55
Outstanding Tickets: $125
DUI Classes: $97
Food: $80 (in addition to snap benefits)
Dog Supplies: $50
Credit Card 1: $30
Credit Card 2: $50
Credit Card 3: $30
Credit Card 4: $100

Savings: $514

Free Spending Balance: $129
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Old 01-15-2021, 04:47 AM
 
18,487 posts, read 15,444,906 times
Reputation: 16142
There is just about zero chance of being able to live in Riverside County independently with such a low income. Are there any more middle class jobs she might be qualified for? If not, the only remaining option may be to get a new job, leave the state and live with multiple roommates in a location where she can walk back and forth to work every day without Uber/Lyft. But this depends on the terms of the DUI class - is she on a form of probation or condition that makes her effectively unable to leave the state if she wants to have hope of eventually regaining her license? How much time is left before she finishes the classes? Also, can you maybe keep her dog temporarily even if she moves out? Finding affordable housing is a lot easier when you don't have to deal with the problem of being turned away by no-pets landlords.
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Old 01-15-2021, 05:02 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
11,191 posts, read 9,010,362 times
Reputation: 13946
What about mom and dad? Can they take her in?

How much would a room cost in that location? How will her budget manage that if possible?

Can she bike to work? (if she can walk it then biking will be much faster or maybe a electric scooter?)
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Old 01-15-2021, 07:39 AM
 
23,983 posts, read 10,333,050 times
Reputation: 45844
She can request an override on the driver's license to be able to drive to and from work. Walmart offers discounts on employee purchases.
Can you look for rooms for rent in the area. She may not do anything on her own as the current arrangement requires little effort on her part.
Part time second job?
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Old 01-15-2021, 08:07 AM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
1,377 posts, read 1,146,974 times
Reputation: 4110
Get rid of the dog and switch to Google Fi, or something similar at $25/month - there's another $80 freed up.
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Old 01-15-2021, 09:26 AM
 
3,500 posts, read 6,141,592 times
Reputation: 10023
Sorry, you're not going to like my advice. She should carefully rehome the dog. You need to give her a firm deadline to leave your trailer in 2 months. Research a cheap place to live that has a walmart and buy her a bus ticket. You have gone above & beyond, and fixing your sister's numerous self-inflicted problems is NOT your responsibility. She drove up her debt and drove drunk. There is only so much YOU can do without jeopardizing your mental health & your marriage. You need to learn to back away & not accept the burden of your sister's problems. Unless she has a disability, she is grown azz adult and needs to fix her own problems.
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Old 01-15-2021, 10:29 AM
 
456 posts, read 345,732 times
Reputation: 991
The first thing that jumps out at me is the dog. She can't afford one right now. She needs to rehome it ASAP.


As other posters mentioned, she is an adult and has to take control of her own life. Tell her she's got two months to get enough saved to start herself off again. She needs to find a room to rent that is hopefully close to someplace she can get a job. The bike for riding sounds like a good idea. It'll beat walking and still give her exercise.


You can't save her no matter how hard you try. Take the pressure off your marriage. She's not worth it, sad to say.
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Old 01-15-2021, 11:50 AM
 
10 posts, read 9,399 times
Reputation: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
There is just about zero chance of being able to live in Riverside County independently with such a low income. Are there any more middle class jobs she might be qualified for?
I've been racking my brain on the job situation.

She was formerly paid cash as part of a less than legal weed growing operation. She use to cut for whomever these people were.

Anytime I ask her about skills the only ones she can come up with are around the weed industry, but given her history with drug and alcohol abuse I don't think it's the right path to go down.

I want to see if maybe I can get her some semi reliable transportation and maybe we can find some sort of trade job for her. Plumbing, hvac, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
But this depends on the terms of the DUI class - is she on a form of probation or condition that makes her effectively unable to leave the state if she wants to have hope of eventually regaining her license? How much time is left before she finishes the classes?
This is a good question, I don't know if there are any restrictions about leaving the state. Due to covid her DUI classes are all on zoom these days so technically she can do them from whereever.

I know the final payment date for these classes is 4/30/22 so I'm guessing she has to take a certain number of these classes before that end date to satisfy the requirements.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
Also, can you maybe keep her dog temporarily even if she moves out? Finding affordable housing is a lot easier when you don't have to deal with the problem of being turned away by no-pets landlords.
I think the dog is doable. We already have a dog and I think I can convince the wife to take in another.

Now - will my sister be willing to give up the dog? That's a whole other can of worms.

My gut says no, and the only real leverage I have here is to kick her out on the street. She'll most certainly take her dog with her for that option.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Ryu View Post
What about mom and dad? Can they take her in?
Mom and dad have been caring for her drug and alcohol abuse for years, they turned her away so that's why I ended up stepping up. (I felt bad for my sister and didn't want her on the streets)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Ryu View Post
How much would a room cost in that location? How will her budget manage that if possible?
I don't know if she has it in the budget unless she defaults on all of her credit card debt. She makes minimum wage at walmart.

It's certainly something to look out for though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Ryu View Post
Can she bike to work? (if she can walk it then biking will be much faster or maybe a electric scooter?)
I've offered her the use of a bike, but she's declined it. She's told me she doesn't want to bike home late at night.

I can see a side to the late night safety argument, but man these ubers are crazy expensive!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep2 View Post
She may not do anything on her own as the current arrangement requires little effort on her part.
Part time second job?
This is a good point, she doesn't really have to do anything here. Path of lease resistance deal I suppose.

I've tried to make her do chores and odd jobs around the house but she ends up just making everything worse (and if things go out of place and aren't done nicely my wife starts to get mad)

Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
Sorry, you're not going to like my advice. She should carefully rehome the dog. You need to give her a firm deadline to leave your trailer in 2 months. Research a cheap place to live that has a walmart and buy her a bus ticket. You have gone above & beyond, and fixing your sister's numerous self-inflicted problems is NOT your responsibility. She drove up her debt and drove drunk. There is only so much YOU can do without jeopardizing your mental health & your marriage. You need to learn to back away & not accept the burden of your sister's problems. Unless she has a disability, she is grown azz adult and needs to fix her own problems.
Well advice is advice, and at this stage I'm open to nearly all of it.

I think we can manage the dog (we have one so adding another isn't the end of the world for us)

I think the deadline is a good idea, I know that she's not going to come back to me with a plan of action on what she's going to do and as a caring family member that concerns me (The emotional tie here is killing me)

I appreciate the tough love perspective.
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Old 01-15-2021, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Florida
6,593 posts, read 7,252,409 times
Reputation: 8102
It is nice that you are helping but it seems like it is time for her to be on her own.

You might be able to explain the situation to the cc co's and get a postponement of the payments for awhile. If not them maybe bankruptcy is needed.

Can the trailer be moved to a trailer park? Problem is that will probably put you on the hock for payments and make your own problems worse.

Take the cc away from her if she is still using.

Maybe start to charge her rent. This would cut into the 129 and start to make her more responsible on her own. If you do not want the rent save the money and give it back to her latter.

Contact the county welfare department and see if they can help. Maybe a motel room for a few months????
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Old 01-15-2021, 12:07 PM
 
10 posts, read 9,399 times
Reputation: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by rjm1cc View Post
Can the trailer be moved to a trailer park? Problem is that will probably put you on the hock for payments and make your own problems worse.
The trailer is a small enclosed utility trailer, not a conventional RV.

Besides, I've been giving up the utility of that little trailer for my house projects the last two months. I'm not getting rid of it

Quote:
Originally Posted by rjm1cc View Post
Take the cc away from her if she is still using.
I did take her physical CCs away and I told her to remove them as payment options for whatever services she uses, we'll see if she follows through when the next round of statements comes out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rjm1cc View Post
Maybe start to charge her rent. This would cut into the 129 and start to make her more responsible on her own. If you do not want the rent save the money and give it back to her latter.

Contact the county welfare department and see if they can help. Maybe a motel room for a few months????
I've been hearing this idea more and more around the few forums I've posted. I think I'll move to do this.

I already make her give me her $514 in savings so I know she doesn't spend it.

An extra $100 would just speed things up.
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