Philly is depressing (Philadelphia, York, Lansdale: university, organic, to live)

[FBJ]

Originally Posted by Sageleez

It isn't me, Ignorance is Bliss. I have had more Caucasian people more friendlier than the African Americans.. Like I said I am from Ny with over 840 friends on facebook and I have been places in Ny, the hood etc. and I have been well liked... how about go to a salon in philly on more than one occasion, with a lot of made up women or women who are not comfy with themselves and get eyes rolling extra stares etc and resulting in me walking out, how about when a woman sees me, they must play in their hair or get up to shake their booty to show me they are competition when I am not at all competetive... how about just be at work and you have African American or Spanish women just look away from you when you are speaking being cordial, or have women check your body out and roll their eyes.. how about you sit in your chair mind your business and still have people walk by and say mean things about you... I have been all over this world and I have never in my years experienced discrimination only from darker skinned-or thin women,or heavy set women or women who are made up with weaves down their backs because I am a natural woman who is comfy with herself, let alone has intuitive abilities that can sense negative people without even trying to. So I know for sure it is not me, I have met many people in walks of life,just in the streets come up and converse with me as well as at work, but certain minority folks see me as a threat and I do not know why. I will not get in cliques to define who I am, nor will I hate on another woman whether stunning or not.... When you are comfy with you, that's a problem...

Are you at work being anti-social?

[lily1981]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfZion

I've lived in Philly for 9 months now & have not yet made any REAL friends. I am in beauty school & have tried to make friends there but with no luck.They sure as hell stare at me for 10 hours & aren't discreet about it but when I try to converse, they're short & don't include me in anything . If I'm walking past they avoid eye contact. On the streets, women stare like I'm not allowed to exist. I tried to strike up a convo with a girl my age at coffee shop but she was snippy. I know that could be a coincidence but add that to all the other crap I've gotten. Just today I was ordering food & this guy calls me a dark skin ***** & stares at me non-stop until I get my food. Then touches my arm as I leave. I screamed at him so loud. I would have taken him if I could. Seems as if people go out of their way to try to hurt me here. I broke down this evening because all my efforts get smashed in the dirt.of course the occasional bitter person is normal but I've never had it to where it's 90% of encounters! Everyone here has a chip on their shoulder. I know I'm generalizing but I could tell you many other experiences I've had just in these 9 months. I came here for a job but it was a mistake. Long rant I know, but when I tell ppl they say stupid sh#t like "it's all in your head" or "stop being conceited". Maybe I should just start being a *****. They seem to get respect.Anyone else experience this or am I really not allowed to exist?

I have not had that experience at all.
I moved here at the end of August and have had nothing less than good experiences. Maybe depends upon which section of the city you're in?
Literally every time I leave my building and walk down the street, someone tells me they think I'm beautiful, or smiles and says hello, or some sort of positive encounter. Then when I get back to my building, I have friends for neighbors waiting for me here.
If you're close to me, I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND!! No one should have the experience of Philly, or anywhere they live, in my opinion. I will be nice to you. I love it here!

[tcave360]

Originally Posted by pman

meh, it's not hostility, it's just how you perceive it



DC is perhaps the rudest place I've been to or lived in. it's like the worst of east coast attitude and southern backstabbing. if you're from DC you should probably be used to rude and arrogant people. on the plus side, nobody is from DC so its easy to meet other aholes there. maybe people are reading your DC arrogance and reacting to it.



exactly, and the thing I like about Baltimore is that it reminds me so much of philly (in both good and bad ways).

That's DC in a nutshell for ya. The city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm

[gwillyfromphilly]

Originally Posted by tcave360

That's DC in a nutshell for ya. The city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm

I always wondered how DC residents felt during that time period when John F. Kennedy said that statement.

[Kamms]

Originally Posted by Sageleez

It isn't me, Ignorance is Bliss. I have had more Caucasian people more friendlier than the African Americans.. Like I said I am from Ny with over 840 friends on facebook and I have been places in Ny, the hood etc. and I have been well liked... how about go to a salon in philly on more than one occasion, with a lot of made up women or women who are not comfy with themselves and get eyes rolling extra stares etc and resulting in me walking out, how about when a woman sees me, they must play in their hair or get up to shake their booty to show me they are competition when I am not at all competetive... how about just be at work and you have African American or Spanish women just look away from you when you are speaking being cordial, or have women check your body out and roll their eyes.. how about you sit in your chair mind your business and still have people walk by and say mean things about you... I have been all over this world and I have never in my years experienced discrimination only from darker skinned-or thin women,or heavy set women or women who are made up with weaves down their backs because I am a natural woman who is comfy with herself, let alone has intuitive abilities that can sense negative people without even trying to. So I know for sure it is not me, I have met many people in walks of life,just in the streets come up and converse with me as well as at work, but certain minority folks see me as a threat and I do not know why. I will not get in cliques to define who I am, nor will I hate on another woman whether stunning or not.... When you are comfy with you, that's a problem...

Like Frank Sinatra said...''That's Life''. It's tough out there, better learn how to deal and respond to it when necessary; don't let them get to you.

[Kamms]

Originally Posted by lily1981

I have not had that experience at all.
I moved here at the end of August and have had nothing less than good experiences. Maybe depends upon which section of the city you're in?
Literally every time I leave my building and walk down the street, someone tells me they think I'm beautiful, or smiles and says hello, or some sort of positive encounter. Then when I get back to my building, I have friends for neighbors waiting for me here.
If you're close to me, I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND!! No one should have the experience of Philly, or anywhere they live, in my opinion. I will be nice to you. I love it here!

Yeah, I tend to have many more positive encounters in Philly as well. Lived in New York, same thing. Most negative encounters for me, Chicago. The complete opposite of the stereotypes; midwest ''friendly'' vs. east coast ''frosty''. Chicago ''reserve'' and arrogance is more accurate. Of course you'll run into jerks etc everywhere but my Philly experience is very positive.

[Sageleez]

Originally Posted by dabottom

Are you at work being anti-social?

Nope Not At All! I smile and speak, also when people walk by you and roll their eyes, give you no eye contact, play with their hair when you come near them or they look you up and down, then it has to be a jealousy thing. It's ok though. It's already confirmed...thanks though.....

[FBJ]

Originally Posted by Sageleez

Nope Not At All! I smile and speak, also when people walk by you and roll their eyes, give you no eye contact, play with their hair when you come near them or they look you up and down, then it has to be a jealousy thing. It's ok though. It's already confirmed...thanks though.....

Doesn't sound like you work with adults

[happyrenter99]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfZion

I've lived in Philly for 9 months now & have not yet made any REAL friends. I am in beauty school & have tried to make friends there but with no luck.They sure as hell stare at me for 10 hours & aren't discreet about it but when I try to converse, they're short & don't include me in anything . If I'm walking past they avoid eye contact. On the streets, women stare like I'm not allowed to exist. I tried to strike up a convo with a girl my age at coffee shop but she was snippy. I know that could be a coincidence but add that to all the other crap I've gotten. Just today I was ordering food & this guy calls me a dark skin ***** & stares at me non-stop until I get my food. Then touches my arm as I leave. I screamed at him so loud. I would have taken him if I could. Seems as if people go out of their way to try to hurt me here. I broke down this evening because all my efforts get smashed in the dirt.of course the occasional bitter person is normal but I've never had it to where it's 90% of encounters! Everyone here has a chip on their shoulder. I know I'm generalizing but I could tell you many other experiences I've had just in these 9 months. I came here for a job but it was a mistake. Long rant I know, but when I tell ppl they say stupid sh#t like "it's all in your head" or "stop being conceited". Maybe I should just start being a *****. They seem to get respect.Anyone else experience this or am I really not allowed to exist?

I love Philadelphia. While there are some rude people not everybody is like that. We are a melting pot of people from all over the world. Don't give up just because you had a few bad experiences with some jerks. There are still some good people here. As another poster already suggested please check out meetup.com. and see what groups are out there in Philly. Theres even a free group that meets and goes to free events where you don't have to spend any money to attend them. They have events almost every other day.

I am a member of a few groups there. For the most part I don't feel judged when I go out to any group events. I meet people of all races and backgrounds on meetup.com and we all get together and have a very good time. The problem is I haven't been to many events recently because I can't stand this crappy weather. Its making it difficult to get out. If theres anything I could change about living in Philly I would fast forward to Spring.

Welcome to Philadelphia and Good Luck

[happyrenter99]

Originally Posted by Duderino

I think discussions of friendliness are extremely relative. It seems to me that there is a distinctive Northeastern trait (similar to New York and Boston) to be a bit brash and curt on the surface -- particularly to people from other parts of the country. However, my experience is that there is a strong authenticity to people in Philly that is not as common in other areas. Once you break down the "attytude" with a lot of people, you will have loyal friends for life.

To the OP, I agree that seeking out other venues for meeting people would be helpful. It can be very depressing and alienating to not feel accepted when you move to a new place -- and it does sound like you've had more negative experiences than most. A meetup group that specifically links-up other newcomers (of which there are plenty) seems like it would be right up your alley. It can sometimes take a matter of a couple years before a place feels like home.

Good luck.

I agree 100%