Looking for local "Couple Friends"

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by MarSDlowe

My husband and I are in the same boat. We have also lived here since 2009 and do not have kids yet. We go to events all over the city, rarely eat at the same restaurant once, go to church, hit up as many local beer places as possible, ride our bikes all over the city most nice weekends , and are members of venture outdoors. And yet we still have very few friends in this area. We both had many friends growing up and in college and it is super bothersome to us that we have lived here almost 3 years and are unable to form real relationships with people. We're beginning to wondering if something is wrong with us.. Finding friends all of a sudden feels like dating again and it's a little bit ridiculous. So... Sorry that was not much help, just wanted to let you know we can relate. Let me know if you have any luck!

It's easy to form friendships in high school and college because both environments have built in social networks--everyone is in the same social demographic. That's why it's a a huge social adjustment after leaving high school and college, especially if you move away from your friends via transferring to another city because you're starting from scratch and it becomes harder to find your social demographic.

Adults who chose to not have children are even more challenged (although I never truly enjoyed "mommy" friends because they come with some serious hangups). It's just easier to socialize with people who are in the same place in life raising children because they understand the time constraints of parenting

Going to different restaurants and different bars would make it even more difficult to make friends. It's uncommon to strike up a friendship the very first time you meet someone. Right now you're a moving target. It would be better to go to the same diner for breakfast and sit in the same seat at the counter. Or go to the same bar and join the dart or pool league.

You need to stay in one place to form friendships. Join clubs and go to them regularly. Invite people over to your house for a cookout. Invite coworkers out to lunch. Invite them again and again and eventually a friendship will begin to develop.

Talk to your neighbors. I had a neighbor stop by last week saying "You're the only person in the neighborhood who seems to garden too." We exchanged phone numbers. We're both thrilled to death to find a gardening buddy. She's probably 15 years younger than me, but we're both very interested in forming a friendship.

Which reminds me, the biggest tip I can give is to widen your criteria. I have friends of all ages and backgrounds---spanning from decades younger than me to decades older than me, from every economic class and education background.

[SorryIMovedBack]

I have been wondering how Michael-n-Jen are doing.

Adults who chose to not have children are even more challenged

is, like, the understatement of the year. haha In this whole region, more than the more upscale urban areas, most people live through their kids. Their lives are child-centric and family-centric. It's sit at home, or go do or watch something that the kids are doing. I find it really rare, where I am, for the women to do much of anything except home & hearth. It's like they're under house arrest, or something. I keep trying to escape all these parents, lol.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by SorryIMovedBack

is, like, the understatement of the year. haha In this whole region, more than the more upscale urban areas, most people live through their kids. Their lives are child-centric and family-centric. It's sit at home, or go do or watch something that the kids are doing. I find it really rare, where I am, for the women to do much of anything except home & hearth. It's like they're under house arrest, or something. I keep trying to escape all these parents, lol.

It's just as frustrating as friends who won't do anything without their partners. Of course my life revolved around my husband and children, but I still retained an identity and did many things without my family. I love going on trips with my girlfriends, girls nights out, shopping, dining, concerts, etc. It became more challenging as my friends married and/or became a "couple" instead of individuals. Suddenly they wanted their boyfriends/husbands to tag along ALL THE TIME. They couldn't go anywhere without their significant others.

For example, my one girlfriend and I had a standing date for the Nutcracker every year. Suddenly she was dragging her boyfriend along. I had no desire whatsoever to do the Nutcracker with him. And he was at every shopping trip and dining event. It was like they were joined at the hip. Goodness, you couldn't talk freely about anything because there was this stranger there. No girl topics, that's for sure. It sure ruins a friendship. After tollerating it for a year or two, I chose to fade away from that friend.

Couples expect too much by wanting "couple friends." It's more challenging for two people to find two other people who click than finding one person liking one person. That's why I highly recommended that they seek individual friends and interests. My husband and I do "couple things" with our friends spouses, but our friendships are truly separate. Hubby might golf and fish throughout the year with a buddy and we'll get together as couples twice a year for a holiday dinner or going out to a restaurant. It's the same with my friends. Hubby joins me for an occassional couple event with my friends and their spouses, but the rest of the year I do things with my friends without my husband.

I think people get too carried away watching TV shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother and think that big groups of couple friends are the norm. The reality is that most people tollerate the spouses of their friends and prefer couples outings to be limited with the main focus on the real friendship, not on friends' spouses.

[Katarina Witt]

Originally Posted by Hopes

The reality is that most people tollerate the spouses of their friends and prefer couples outings to be limited with the main focus on the real friendship, not on friends' spouses.

I agree. My daughters have boyfriends now and they are going through that, too. Either they don't like their friends' boyfriends, or they don't like their boyfriends' friends' girlfriends. I've told them it gets easier as the years go on. You just kind of accept that "Guy A" goes with "Girl B".

[MarSDlowe]

Oh, don't get me wrong, I would love to have girlfriends in the area. There are so many events, classes, movies and restaurants I really want to go to, but since I don't have any friends in the area, I normally drag my husband along or just go by myself.
Believe me, I live for get togethers, girls weekends, showers, and bachelorette parties with my friends from my hometown, just wish I had something similar here. And it would be nice to include my husband sometimes too!