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Old 05-14-2014, 12:24 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,645,904 times
Reputation: 30710

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Quote:
Originally Posted by eschaton View Post
I have a four year old and an eight-month old. On the weekends I don't even have time to write an email between waking up and going to bed. How the heck would I work on a hobby?
My husband and I did it. We made living a priority. We thought it was important for each of us to have time to pursue separate interests. We sat down every January and put everything on the calendar. The calendar was sacred. Once something was on the calendar the other person didn't overrule, complain or comment. We tried to coordinate our schedules to cover childcare, but we used our sitter whenever we had a schedule conflict or take the children with us.

He golfed every Thursday evening. Once a month, he would golf on Sundays. He went away on two weekend golf outings per year in addition to one week golf trip to Florida every winter. He also hunted and fished throughout the year nearby and went away for fishing and hunting weekends too. I went horseback riding once a week, took classes, traveled to art workshops around the country, art shows, etc., and had my home hobbies such as gardening.

Together we left the children with the sitter two weekends a year---spring and fall----for a mental health break and to be alone together. We hike, fish, bike and do all sorts of things together. We'd work hard to get all the housework and laundry done by Friday and take off almost every single weekend with the kids. If we didn't go away, we did daytrips.

Your wife might be resistant but try something. Even starting to do different things as a family is a start at getting out of the rut.
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Old 05-14-2014, 12:33 PM
 
6,596 posts, read 8,916,294 times
Reputation: 4673
Quote:
Originally Posted by eschaton View Post
I'm giving up on moving. My wife is intractable.

I don't blame you. It sounds like she should be leading the charge on this since you are way less picky.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
If you ever run into the perfect house again, put an offer on it without her. Tell her straight up, right now, that's what you will do to secure a perfect house while she's mulling it over.
I agree. Let her mull it over while under contract. You might lose the hand money, but you won't lose the house.
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Crafton via San Francisco
3,463 posts, read 4,622,952 times
Reputation: 1595
Quote:
Originally Posted by ferraris View Post
I agree. Let her mull it over while under contract. You might lose the hand money, but you won't lose the house.
She will thank you when you have a house that can hold lots of large teenagers. Nothing quite like two teenagers each showing up with a group of four or five friends when you live in a house under 1000 sf. Or two teenagers and two adults all vying for one bathroom to get ready in the morning. I speak from experience. I actually had a recurring dream where I would open a door in my house and discover additional bedrooms and closets.

Will your wife accept that she is very picky and indecisive and trust you to lead the charge on finding your next home? Nothing is ever totally perfect. If you find a place that meets most of your needs for the right price, go for it. I can tell you that there is nothing quite so pleasing as living in a place that suits your needs. Yes, there are things I don't like about my place and my neighborhood, but I got the things that were most important to me. Even after a year, I still am amazed and grateful to live in such a wonderful house. And I never have those dreams anymore!
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Old 05-14-2014, 11:33 PM
 
Location: Marshall-Shadeland, Pittsburgh, PA
32,606 posts, read 77,287,663 times
Reputation: 19071
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodjules View Post
Or two teenagers and two adults all vying for one bathroom to get ready in the morning.
^ This. While I'm a huge fan of the "tiny house" movement I'd gladly splurge on a second bathroom if I had a family. It sucked growing up and only having ONE bathroom. Sometimes I had to do the "pee pee dance" for quite some time while my dad had the sports section or while my sister shaved her legs in the shower. We had quite the hectic suburban morning routine in our house.
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:17 AM
 
Location: Ambridge
101 posts, read 189,965 times
Reputation: 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
My husband and I did it. We made living a priority. We thought it was important for each of us to have time to pursue separate interests. We sat down every January and put everything on the calendar. The calendar was sacred. Once something was on the calendar the other person didn't overrule, complain or comment. We tried to coordinate our schedules to cover childcare, but we used our sitter whenever we had a schedule conflict or take the children with us.

He golfed every Thursday evening. Once a month, he would golf on Sundays. He went away on two weekend golf outings per year in addition to one week golf trip to Florida every winter. He also hunted and fished throughout the year nearby and went away for fishing and hunting weekends too. I went horseback riding once a week, took classes, traveled to art workshops around the country, art shows, etc., and had my home hobbies such as gardening.

Together we left the children with the sitter two weekends a year---spring and fall----for a mental health break and to be alone together. We hike, fish, bike and do all sorts of things together. We'd work hard to get all the housework and laundry done by Friday and take off almost every single weekend with the kids. If we didn't go away, we did daytrips.

Your wife might be resistant but try something. Even starting to do different things as a family is a start at getting out of the rut.
I completely agree with making time for yourself and your hobbies. My kids are still fairly young (10 and 8) and as our schedule gets busier, my "me" time suffers. I can tell in my temperament and mood when I need "me" time. Twice a year, I take a weekend scrapbooking weekend with my girl friends. We usually book a conference room at a hotel, some get rooms (I do!) and some drive back and forth from home. It is a great weekend refresher for me. I always come back feeling like a better version of myself. I also make time to just veg out at home and strangely enough I enjoy grocery shopping and running errands and doing it alone helps me get my "me" time, especially if I stop and eat lunch. I may look weird sitting at a table by myself with my nose in a book but I don't care. I understand having a preschooler and an infant is much harder to have time for hobbies but I think the younger years are even more important for everyone's sanity!

If there was one area that my husband and I need to work on more, it is "us" time. It has been easier this year since I have not been working. Every Friday, neither of us have had class (and he works nights but usually isn't tired until about 1/2 p.m.) We try to use that day to do something just the two of us, even if it is just lunch together or renting a movie and watching it together. Weekends away are harder or true "date nights" are harder. In the past, we did a weekend with the grandparents and my in-laws met us halfway to take the kids and then again Sunday afternoon we would do the same thing.. We haven't done that in a long time, mostly because our schedule doesn't mesh well with weekends off.
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:25 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,645,904 times
Reputation: 30710
Quote:
Originally Posted by SteelCityRising View Post
^ This. While I'm a huge fan of the "tiny house" movement I'd gladly splurge on a second bathroom if I had a family. It sucked growing up and only having ONE bathroom. Sometimes I had to do the "pee pee dance" for quite some time while my dad had the sports section or while my sister shaved her legs in the shower. We had quite the hectic suburban morning routine in our house.
One bathroom etiquette: No loitering. Ever. The bathroom is used for bathing/showering, toileting, shaving, and brushing teeth. Period. That means no reading on the toilet, Dad. Shyness is not permitted. If there's a good shower curtain, there's no reason more than one person can't use the bathroom at the same time. Leave queasiness at the door. All hair, makeup, and dressing are to be done in the bedrooms. Most importantly, whoever is in the bathroom has to yield the right of way to people with urgent needs, especially children in potty training.
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:39 AM
 
Location: Crafton via San Francisco
3,463 posts, read 4,622,952 times
Reputation: 1595
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
One bathroom etiquette: No loitering. Ever. The bathroom is used for bathing/showering, toileting, shaving, and brushing teeth. Period. That means no reading on the toilet, Dad. Shyness is not permitted. If there's a good shower curtain, there's no reason more than one person can't use the bathroom at the same time. Leave queasiness at the door. All hair, makeup, and dressing are to be done in the bedrooms. Most importantly, whoever is in the bathroom has to yield the right of way to people with urgent needs, especially children in potty training.
Yep, that's how we lived for many years. Opaque shower curtain is a must have. Even an additional 1/2 bath would've helped a lot!
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:57 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,645,904 times
Reputation: 30710
Quote:
Originally Posted by liz-momof2 View Post
Weekends away are harder or true "date nights" are harder. In the past, we did a weekend with the grandparents and my in-laws met us halfway to take the kids and then again Sunday afternoon we would do the same thing.. We haven't done that in a long time, mostly because our schedule doesn't mesh well with weekends off.
We had the same problem with "us" time after my husband started a new career 10 years ago! He travels a lot and often doesn't get home until Saturday. We adjusted to our new lifestyle because my being home made it possible to carve time out, but his work schedule really put a damper on our weekends. I haven't told him yet, but I've decided to return to work so he can go back to his old career. I wish we could have done it sooner, but it was necessary for me to be home for teenage supervision. Even though our nest has been empty for a while, we both felt my being home was the only we'd see each other. It finally occurred to me that we'll have a richer life with less income. He'll be excited and relieved when I tell him, but I want to wait until I have a job offer to surprise him.
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Old 06-06-2014, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Awkward Manor
2,576 posts, read 3,074,871 times
Reputation: 1684
Hey E: did you see this place: 1006 Arlington Ave, South Side, PA 15203 (MLS# 1002392) - South Side PA Real Estate - PittsburghMoves.com

Holy smoke.
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Old 06-06-2014, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, PA (Morningside)
14,361 posts, read 16,879,345 times
Reputation: 12390
Quote:
Originally Posted by doo dah View Post
Way too expensive for my wife (or even me) to consider. Plus my wife would hate the location - she doesn't like isolated streets, and is scared of heights and thus doesn't like views.

It is a quite interesting mix of old and new though.
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