Pittsburghers and Flirting....or lack thereof (to move, racism, places)

[doo dah]

Originally Posted by gg

Classism?

Creeps and pigs cross all classes. What PghYinzer said, goes.

[BrigidBelle]

Originally Posted by gg

Could it be that the appearance of the man saying the, hello would have a different response from a woman? Could there be a double standard or as I put it classism? If a guy from "the hood" says hello to a business women dressed in a $900 suit okay, so long as he doesn't look her up and down?

I stated, "I will never speak to anyone again" as an example of how far we could take this. I used to say hello in the city, but I don't much anymore, because everyone seems so hyped up in the city and it has the feel of stranger danger to the max, so why interact? Not worth it. I still say hello in my suburb region or if I am in a town somewhere. People seem a little more relaxed and willing to say hello as the norm.

It definitely could be the appearance of the man saying hello. If a woman is reacting differently to the same interaction simply because of the race/appearance/whatever then that may be an issue with the woman. That is a whole different issue. I was making generalities to try to get people to understand. I can't necessarily put into words the difference in "hellos" but there is a difference. Also, getting a creepy hello is the least of our worries.

[ditchdigger]

I agree, but how else do you find the boundaries? What can a man say to a
woman?

That's the thing though. If you don't know the boundaries, and certainly they are going to vary from one person to the next, doesn't common courtesy dictate that you remain well within them?

[gortonator]

Originally Posted by gg

I guess the answer is education, but one needs to understand the general consensus from the women's point of view to set up such an educational campaign. Once you get those general boundaries maybe run TV ads to start the education process. Would that help? Am I the only one to try to provide a solution?

Education is an answer for most of the ills of society, and in many instances has profound effects, but these don't happen overnight. Often they take generations. TV ads and a campaign would be cool - you getting your wallet out gg??

In the meantime, when every woman on here (and I'll add most I know too) tells you that they have been exposed to unwanted approaches that make them feel uncomfortable at the least, maybe even approaches that were well intended and innocent, maybe, just maybe, a wise person would listen, absorb and respect their experiences.

[theta_sigma]

You also have to understand, for a lot of women, unwanted, creepy and downright threatening interactions with men happen on a nearly daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. After enough of that, one gets on one's guard pretty quick. You develop a radar for creeps and potential-creeps. Sometimes you get a false positive, but the alternative is to turn the radar off and that's legitimately an unsafe thing to do (as women are constantly told when we get assaulted--why were you in that location/talking to that man/drinking that beverage/wearing that outfit?). So, dudes, sorry if sometimes a woman is terse and acts uncomfortable when you are just trying to be friendly. The solution is to not condemn all women for all time as frigid, mean, rude, deserving of what we get, etc... The solution is to talk to the other men in your life and work to ensure that in the future women have to deal with less of the creepiness so we don't have to be quite so on our guard all the time. It's not my job to make you feel validated. It's my job to keep myself safe and sane.

[sealie]

True story.

I was waiting at a well lit bus stop, not downtown, 8:00 at night and some guy asks me what time it is. I start to answer and glance over and he's got his [redacted] in his hand, and looks to be pretty well finished doing what he's been doing. The innocuous compliments SCR et al mention don't bug me in the least, or the door holding, but there are some creepy mofos out there and it's not like they walk around with an easily visible warning label.

[gg]

Originally Posted by ditchdigger

That's the thing though. If you don't know the boundaries, and certainly they are going to vary from one person to the next, doesn't common courtesy dictate that you remain well within them?

Sure. Never say a word! My point.

[VASpaceMan]

Originally Posted by Aqua Teen Carl

.. people as a whole here are cold.

I'm originally from southern Virginia (as it turns out a very friendly place where it's common for strangers to strike up conversations, exchange smiles) and have lived all over the US. My wife and I have been eyeing Pittsburgh as a potential place to raise kids, partially because it's midway between my family and hers in the north and also Pittsburgh just seems like a great little city. My take on the city is that it has a lot of positives from the South (friendly, open, down to earth people) and positives of the north (city amenities, jobs). I've got to admit, this thread has me wondering if I have misjudged the city. Aren't Pittsburghers known for being friendly? This has me scratching my head.

[Aqua Teen Carl]

Originally Posted by VASpaceMan

I'm originally from southern Virginia (as it turns out a very friendly place where it's common for strangers to strike up conversations, exchange smiles) and have lived all over the US. My wife and I have been eyeing Pittsburgh as a potential place to raise kids, partially because it's midway between my family and hers in the north and also Pittsburgh just seems like a great little city. My take on the city is that it has a lot of positives from the South (friendly, open, down to earth people) and positives of the north (city amenities, jobs). I've got to admit, this thread has me wondering if I have misjudged the city. Aren't Pittsburghers known for being friendly? This has me scratching my head.

Friendlier than Boston-Washington cities but less friendly than the South and Midwest is probably the best way to describe it.

I've been to southern Virginia and people are definitely more friendly there.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by VASpaceMan

I've got to admit, this thread has me wondering if I have misjudged the city. Aren't Pittsburghers known for being friendly? This has me scratching my head.

Yes, Pittsburgher's are friendly unless you're an socially inept 20something trying to pick up chicks. I strike up conversations with strangers every time I leave my house. I'm not an anomaly. We're known for going out of our way to help people with directions---letting them follow us when the directions are too complicated. You can find many stories like that shared by visitors in this forum. Most of the people who complain wouldn't be happy anywhere and/or they are trying to navigate the 20something singles scene.