Dating as an Asian man (Pittsburgh, Carnegie: live, moving to, bars)

[astarrev]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

Some women will, some women won't--women aren't a hive mind. Nobody can give you a guarantee that you're going to get tons of dates if you move here.

Of course, I'm not looking for any kind of guarantee. While women aren't a hive mind, certain beliefs may be more prevalent among a particular group of people. For example, gay people are less accepted in certain parts of Texas and Alabama.

I'm just trying to avoid putting myself in a place where being Asian is an unattractive trait for 50% of the women. Yes, it's possible to overcome such odds, but that's something I would consider when choosing between different locations.

[chao]

Originally Posted by astarrev

I'm just trying to avoid putting myself in a place where being Asian is an unattractive trait for 50% of the women. Yes, it's possible to overcome such odds, but that's something I would consider when choosing between different locations.

I personally won't let the odds of being attractive to be part of the consideration when choose where to live...
won't job salary, expenses, activities, or even weathers more of the factor for relocate ?

[astarrev]

Originally Posted by chao

I personally won't let the odds of being attractive to be part of the consideration when choose where to live...
won't job salary, expenses, activities, or even weathers more of the factor for relocate ?

Those other factors are definitely important as well, but dating opportunities is important to me as well and I would use it for consideration along with all the other factors you listed. Fortunately, salary is similar in all locations one adjusted for cost of living.

[eschaton]

My two cents are basically (from both what my Asian friends have told me and from statistical stuff I've seen) dating is somewhat hard as an Asian guy basically everywhere.

I would think though in general you'd have a better time of it the closer you were to the universities. More Asian women, and more white women who are used to hanging out with a lot of Asian men.

[chao]

Originally Posted by eschaton

My two cents are basically (from both what my Asian friends have told me and from statistical stuff I've seen) dating is somewhat hard as an Asian guy basically everywhere.

I would think though in general you'd have a better time of it the closer you were to the universities. More Asian women, and more white women who are used to hanging out with a lot of Asian men.

depends on if you are born and raised Asian or just 2nd gen Asian born and raised in USA.
2nd gen Asian don't have any problem, a lot time, probably slight bit advantage.
born and raised Asian wise....ya, it's harder everywhere.

with all those new dating tools and app nowadays, I don't think location is your biggest concern

[SteelCityRising]

I'll never understand people who write off an entire race of people romantically. I mean I'm white and gay. I'm attracted to SOME (but not all) white guys, black guys, Asian guys, Native American guys, mixed guys, and Hispanic guys. I've dated and/or hooked up with some guys from most of the above groups over the years. I don't know if Tinder is the same way, but there would often be profiles on Grindr (gay dating app) with "rules" on some profiles like "No whites" or "No Asians" or "No fems" or "No black guys". Totally ridiculous to write off an entire group like that.

[gg]

Originally Posted by SteelCityRising

I'll never understand people who write off an entire race of people romantically. I mean I'm white and gay. I'm attracted to SOME (but not all) white guys, black guys, Asian guys, Native American guys, mixed guys, and Hispanic guys. I've dated and/or hooked up with some guys from most of the above groups over the years. I don't know if Tinder is the same way, but there would often be profiles on Grindr (gay dating app) with "rules" on some profiles like "No whites" or "No Asians" or "No fems" or "No black guys". Totally ridiculous to write off an entire group like that.

While I agree for myself, I don't think it is right to judge others if they only like black people or white people or whatever. I think judging others just because they are turned on or focused on a certain race or group is natural and not to be looked down upon. There is nothing wrong with a Latino that wants to date another Latino or whatever. Some may just feel more at ease with their own. Why judge them for that?

[astarrev]

Originally Posted by chao

depends on if you are born and raised Asian or just 2nd gen Asian born and raised in USA.
2nd gen Asian don't have any problem, a lot time, probably slight bit advantage.
born and raised Asian wise....ya, it's harder everywhere.

with all those new dating tools and app nowadays, I don't think location is your biggest concern

I was born and raised in the Western world so I'm accustomed to the culture. Even with the existence of dating apps, you're going to have to meet the person and date them in person. So my dating pool on Tinder is still limited to people who live in Pittsburgh. Unless I'm misunderstanding the point.

[chao]

Originally Posted by astarrev

I was born and raised in the Western world so I'm accustomed to the culture. Even with the existence of dating apps, you're going to have to meet the person and date them in person. So my dating pool on Tinder is still limited to people who live in Pittsburgh. Unless I'm misunderstanding the point.

most my Asian friend's kids (between college and newly graduated, definitely under 30) had no problem dating, even though I don't know how difficult the process it may be, but they brings girls around often..., mostly white too.

I honestly never used those dating apps, so I am very inexperienced, however, you can probably increase your range to Cleveland, buffalo, DC, Baltimore, cities that's close by. have they show you around the city.

[screechingweasel]

Originally Posted by astarrev

Hi, I'm thinking of moving to your nice city for work, but wanted to see if there were any anecdotes or data points about dating as an Asian man in Pittsburgh.

Look at this picture and let the image absorb into your mind:



Pittsburgh+Family+Portrait+Photography-4.jpg


This is the end result of what the average single, white Pittsburgh female is attempting to accomplish while she is dating. Most young, single women in this region however are either married off by the time they're in their early 20's, or are involved in long-term relationships. Pittsburgh proper is a very, very parochial, close-knit, almost cult-like place when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Like it or not, race and religion are enormous factors to most Pittsburgh women when it comes to dating. As a 'WASP', I can personally attest to the latter. You may very well meet a sweet, kind, attractive, level headed white woman in the Pittsburgh area, however it's not her that you've gotta worry about. Instead it's her backward, racist, retired mill worker father / uncle / grandfather / mother / grandmother, etc, and/or her cousins / siblings / 300+ BFF's from high school who've allowed that same kind of xenophobic / downright racist (at least by modern standards) thinking become embedded into their own minds by their elders. Those are the people who are gonna throw a big, cold bucket of water on whatever plans you had with little miss black yoga pants.


That essentially leaves you with the bar / club scene if you're a younger, single guy. There you will find two types of women: College girls and hot messes. Let's start with the college girls first. Roughly 2/3rd of them are nothing more than younger versions of the aforementioned typical Pittsburgh woman who either 'fell through the cracks' in terms of marrying young, or who've decided to 'play the field' for a while before settling down with a nice gentleman who's got a few extra pounds, a good paying job, a lumberjack beard, and a (most likely) inherited single family home in the suburbs that his dead grandma left him in her will. "So where's the problem in that?" you ask?



Here is the problem:
douche.jpeg


Allow me to introduce you to your competition in the Pittsburgh bar/club scene. I don't care if you're 19 years old, or 39 years old. Trust me, the singles scene in Pittsburgh is literally CHALK FULL of the most obnoxious meathead males (of all ages) that you could possibly imagine. In fact, Pittsburgh has become such a 'sausage fest' (for lack of a better term), that many women often relocate here because there's so many 'hot' guys in the singles scene. In fact, a female friend of mine in her late 30's moved here from DC because she couldn't get a date there, yet had men "literally fist-fighting over her" (her words, not mine) here in Pittsburgh when she visited. Eventually she married one of them. I don't hear from her much these days, as she's not 'allowed' to talk to anyone from her past, even though she and I never dated. Oh well. It's so bad that even my own mother had problems with these psychotic, possessive, abusive eternal frat boys in this area when she lived in the city briefly after her divorce from my father when she was in her early 60's.



Last but not least, the hot messes. These are the women who are between the ages of 25-40, and who basically have nothing going for them in life besides their looks. Most of them are single mothers who's lives are at least partially financed by their parents. Think Casey Anthony, but without the whole 'murdering your own kid so you can party even harder' part. Sure you might be able to 'get lucky' with one of them, provided you're able to dumb yourself down (and alpha yourself up) enough for them to even notice you, but why bother? Most (if not all) of them have a whole plethora of 'issues' (drug / alcohol abuse, poor life habits in general), and you're just gonna wind up being their emotional punching and de-facto sugar daddy should you choose to have anything to do with them. Make no mistake though: These 'hot mess' women all have one thing in common: Their lives were "so hard" until they met you, and now it's your obligation to "save" them.



Things could work out totally differently for you though. For all I know you could move to Pittsburgh, and a week later find the love of your life at first sight at some coffee shop or....wherever. As for me though, I'm a 42 year old guy with plenty of experience in the Pittsburgh singles scene over the years. This place sucks for single guys. It even sucks for the hoards of perpetual frat boys around here as well, as the numbers just aren't in men's favors around here. For example, walk into any nightclub or bar in this area, and you're gonna be met with a crowd of 3-5 males for every 1 female. That's just the way it is not only in Pittsburgh, but in all of southwestern Pennsylvania. You're also gonna find out that most women here are basically socially retarded whenever it comes to flirting. If a woman is interested in you, you can forget her 'making eyes' at you from across the bar or dance floor (or wherever). That's happened to me literally 3 times in my entire adult life in the Pittsburgh area. If more than 3 Pittsburgh women have ever 'checked me out', I've never noticed. On the flip side, I took a road trip to NJ to buy a vehicle a couple of years ago, and I was literally shocked at how many women aggressively flirted with me there. Hell, two of them came up to me in the NJ DMV while I was waiting to have the title for the vehicle I'd just bought transferred into my name. The DMV! The same thing happened later that night when my buddy and I had beers at the cheesy Sheraton hotel bar. Were I to dare even approach women of that aesthetic caliber in the Pittsburgh area, I could expect to be either completely ignored by them, or sucker-punched by some knuckle-dragging meathead over 'first dibs'.



So in summary, this area is horrendous for dating if you're a guy. This is well-documented too, so please....cross reference as much as this as you want, or just go ahead and dive into that mess for yourself. You'll see. I promise.