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The message that it send to the children is that "Daddy thought that Mommy was good enough to set up house with, split the bills with, have sex with and pop out a few kids with.....but just not good enough to marry."
All too many people in these types of common law relationships are so wrapped up in "proving the system wrong" and declaring "our kids are smart so see its working for us" that they fail to take an objective look at the broader picture and the effect on the children.
The bottom line is that most of these types of "arrangements" benefit the men - the ultimate not buying the cow scenario. The women are dumb enough to go along (usually hoping that one day the man will decide to marry her).
And whether the children of these "arrangements" express it to their parents or not....they would prefer that their fathers marry their mothers.
I'm really sorry you feel that way, especially as it relates to the man/woman dynamic. Why on Earth do you believe that the Woman is just dying to get married? In one of the families I know, the man is actually a SAHD, the woman is a Doctor. Why on Earth do you think a woman needs to be married to a man unless she is "dumb". What a horrible way to think.
Just because you view marriage as the only thing that makes someone "good enough" to spend the rest of your life with, doesn't mean that that's how it is for everyone else.
Just because you think the children must be thinking that, doesn't mean all children with unmarried parents are thinking that.
I see we have a right wing, Christian, judgemental, morality class going on here. Jesus said to go out into the world and spread the word of God. If what you say is all true, wouldn't you be better served by carrying signs and proclaiming "all unmarried, black mothers are slovenly abusing the system and their children are all bastards" than venting on a City Data forum? At least until a bunch of homies surrounded you and kicked your ass back to the suburbs?
Black mothers? You should now that the greatest rise in the rate of unwed mothers, over the last 50 years, has been whites and not blacks.
Exactly! Why not just confirm it? After all, it's just like you said -- it's only a piece of paper!
I see marriage is being cheapened these days as it's just a "piece of paper". It used to mean a lot more.
Why should they confirm it with a piece of paper when they don't believe in marriage? The only reason would be to please people like you. If they are happy, and their children are happy, why on Earth does it matter so much to you that they are not married? How judgmental.
Why should they confirm it with a piece of paper when they don't believe in marriage? The only reason would be to please people like you. If they are happy, and their children are happy, why on Earth does it matter so much to you that they are not married? How judgmental.
Why not? If it's THAT insignificant, why not do it and reap the tax benefits of being married?
MARRIAGE IS MUCH MORE THAN A PIECE OF PAPER.
Children who believe that their parents NEVER fight then expect their relationships to be without friction. When disagreements occur, they think the relationship has failed. They don't have the skills set to deal with disagreements. It's important for kids to witness healthy relationships. And healthy relationships include people working out boundaries, negotiating, and dealing with the fact that their partner is a separate individual, and that living together involves compromises.
DC, you make good points. But they aren't the end-all be-all, just as mine are not. I think any rational person could conclude that there's a difference between disagreements between two adult parents and constant fighting that borders on exposure to verbal abuse. Yes, there are things to be learned from disagreements, but the costs of being subjected to constant fighting far outweight the benefits in my opinion.
I would think that in a lot of instances, being a child born into a marriage that disintegrates around them could be far more troubling for the child than to be born into a single parent household which may well be a more stable and less toxic environment when all is said and done.
Why not? If it's THAT insignificant, why not do it and reap the tax benefits of being married?
MARRIAGE IS MUCH MORE THAN A PIECE OF PAPER.
Because they don't believe in it.
Let me get this straight. You'd rather have them engage in your sacred practice of marriage when they don't beleive in it, which cheapens the act of marriage even more than then not being married, just for them to be married because you think it's not right for them to cohabitate with children?
Why on Earth do you think they need to be married? Again, if they are happy and their children are happy, why do they need to be married.
Let me get this straight. You'd rather have them engage in your sacred practice of marriage when they don't beleive in it, which cheapens the act of marriage even more than then not being married, just for them to be married because you think it's not right for them to cohabitate with children?
Why on Earth do you think they need to be married? Again, if they are happy and their children are happy, why do they need to be married.
If they do not believe in it, what are they doing together?
Once again, you are misunderstanding people, dodging the tough questions, and most ironically, devalueing an institution you yourself participate in. And this has been explained to you several times over now.
If they do not believe in it, what are they doing together?
Once again, you are misunderstanding people, dodging the tough questions, and most ironically, devalueing an institution you yourself participate in. And this has been explained to you several times over now.
In sum, you are not making any sense.
What are the tough questions? I'm not devalueing an institution at all. What would be devalueing marriage, would be people who don't beleive in it, getting married.
I personally don't care either way. I am not for marriage personally, I am not against it personally. It was important to my husband, so I did it, and it was a fun party, but honestly, nothing has changed simply because I'm married.
If someone doesn't want to get married, why should they? Just because you think they should? If everyone involved is happy, why should it matter?
What questions, specifically, would you like me to answer?
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