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How many out of control kids and young adults, end up being very successful, without a sports career?
Could all our problems in society, be blamed on lack of, or down right bad parenting?
Are Morals taught to your children?
Ethics?
How about integrity?
What about being dependable?
Responsibility, seems a lost art. How you doing there.
Do you teach them how to communicate? Yes you do.
Are they sassy, back talk and disrespectful? Or Yes maam, Nor sir?
I don't know if I qualify as a successful adult in terms of being well-off or well-known, but I do function and have no problems interacting with people. My parents did a good job of instilling a general sense of respect for others. I don't even have a conscious memory of them telling me what to do or what not to do, in fact my parents were very lax for most of my childhood.
The morals my parents taught me can be summed up by saying, if you're not hurting others or yourself, then it's okay. If it hurts you or someone else, then it's not okay. It doesn't answer every question, but when I'm not sure, that's the first question I ask myself. I don't know how much integrity was ingrained by my parents and how much is just my personality. I can't live with myself if I lie, which is my number one motivation for maintaining integrity.
My parents tried to teach me how to communicate but I'm Asperger's, so they failed through no fault of their own. My ability to talk to people only kicked in around age 17 or 18.
I went through some phases of being rude because I was angry at the world and all that jazz, but in general I was pretty respectful and just did what was asked of me, no questions asked.
I don't think anything can be blamed entirely on one thing, so that rules out blaming today's problems on bad parenting alone. Kids are molded by their parents, but they are also molded by other adults and other kids, and ultimately, it's the kid who chooses to act in one way or another.
The US is comprised of leaders and followers. Obviously there are far more followers than leaders.
Child rearing has everything to do with outcome, and you hit the traits on the head.
What's really scarey is how poorly parenting in the US is compared to other countries. We have transformed into a nation that tells its' children that they are miniture adults. My own brother scolded his daughter for being totally obnoxious, then asked if they were still best buddies?
Friends are what classmates are for...not parents.
Kids today speak with no sign of respect for their elders. That translates to them becoming 'followers' later in life simply to survive.
Also, consider our current president has determined the countries parents are responsible for their 'childs' healthcare until they reach 26 years of age! The message is clear...'It's ok to be dependant'.
Even though I was a complete loser as a kid, I had great parents and today I am a proud, successfull and wealthy leader. Parenting makes the difference in my book. Good luck America.
How many out of control kids and young adults, end up being very successful, without a sports career?
Could all our problems in society, be blamed on lack of, or down right bad parenting?
Are Morals taught to your children?
Ethics?
How about integrity?
What about being dependable?
Responsibility, seems a lost art. How you doing there.
Do you teach them how to communicate? Yes you do.
Are they sassy, back talk and disrespectful? Or Yes maam, Nor sir?
Ok, assume that is the problem (and I'm not saying it isn't). What do you do about it?
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,774,755 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BentBow
Successful Adults, and Discipline.
How many out of control kids and young adults, end up being very successful, without a sports career?
Could all our problems in society, be blamed on lack of, or down right bad parenting?
Are Morals taught to your children?
Ethics?
How about integrity?
What about being dependable?
Responsibility, seems a lost art. How you doing there.
Do you teach them how to communicate? Yes you do.
Are they sassy, back talk and disrespectful? Or Yes maam, Nor sir?
From my own personal experience, how you are raised has something to do with what you are as adult but less than you might think. There were 5 of us- 3 boys and 2 girls. We were all raised in the same house by the same parents. 3 of us are doing OK as adults but my younger sister and older brother have both been in constant trouble with life since they were adults- and even before then as juveniles. They have both been in and out of jail and he has been in prison twice. And they have never worked a job for more than a week or so. Both have problems with alcohol (as my dad did) and drugs. But my other sister works as an insurance fraud investigator and does well. Another brother is an electrician and was in the Navy for 8 years. My other brother does HVAC and and is a licensed and certified Boiler Operator at a major hospital. And I am doing fine as well. So, no the family is not totally responsible for everything that goes wrong with kids. We were all a bit rough growing up and my dad went upside our heads more than a few times. You would not dare challenge him after he told you to do something. You just said "yes sir" and did what he told you to do even if it was somebody else's turn to take the trash out. And he could really be difficult when he was drinking. You just learned to stay out of his way.
I raised mine totally different and I was much more liberal in many areas but I was not totally liberal and would not hesitate to use the belt when needed. It was just that once I used it, generally I did not have to use it again for a long time because they knew better. Most of the time though I just talked to them and reasoned with them and that was enough. I also allowed no smoking or drinking in the house when they were younger- not even with myself.
From my own personal experience, how you are raised has something to do with what you are as adult but less than you might think. There were 5 of us- 3 boys and 2 girls. We were all raised in the same house by the same parents. 3 of us are doing OK as adults but my younger sister and older brother have both been in constant trouble with life since they were adults- and even before then as juveniles. They have both been in and out of jail and he has been in prison twice. And they have never worked a job for more than a week or so. Both have problems with alcohol (as my dad did) and drugs. But my other sister works as an insurance fraud investigator and does well. Another brother is an electrician and was in the Navy for 8 years. My other brother does HVAC and and is a licensed and certified Boiler Operator at a major hospital. And I am doing fine as well. So, no the family is not totally responsible for everything that goes wrong with kids. We were all a bit rough growing up and my dad went upside our heads more than a few times. You would not dare challenge him after he told you to do something. You just said "yes sir" and did what he told you to do even if it was somebody else's turn to take the trash out. And he could really be difficult when he was drinking. You just learned to stay out of his way.
Agreed. While the childhood environment is important in determing how we turn out, it's not always the deciding factor. There isn't the quid pro quo which those who want more government money for their programs would like you to think.
For instance: My brothers and I grew up in a very violent and abusive home. Beatings and family fights which literally spilled out into the yard were common and sometimes resulted in the cops being called. (Of course, back in the 50's and 60's they wouldn't do anything. A man's home was his castle and he could pretty much do what he liked with his kids and wife). All three of us were dysfunctional during adolesence and all used a lot of alcohol and some drugs. I became the neighborhood vandal seemingly on the fast route to the penitentiary.
Fast forward a few decades: None of us ended up in the pen and none of us are addicts today, though we do still drink beer. None of abused our children or our wives. We're all productive citizens and at least two of us have solid relationships with our kids and grandkids. We all worked our whole lives and two of us did military service in Vietnam.
In short, we turned out pretty well in spite of our childhood. The predictive factors everyone thinks are real indicators of later life turned out not to be so for us and for a whole lot of other people we know who grew up in similar situations. Looking back over 61 years, I can see a lot more instances where someone who grew up in a virtually unsupervised and abusive childhood turned into solid, middle-class surburban citizens than into professional criminals.
Is this about middle-class teenagers, with homes and caring parents? Teenagers can be impossible, but as they mature nearly all boomerang back to the good foundation you instilled in them. It's in there, on their "tapes". You can't micromanage or you'll both go crazy, though.
If you mean how can "never had a chance"-type kids get on a successful path, I think the only answers are a decent education, mentors in their fields of interest, and to start succeeding at something that's removed from negative influences in their lives as soon as possible. An education is supposed to open the doors of all their possibilities in relation to the world -- help them become a big puzzle piece in the big picture. That might be achieved outside of standard holding-pen school, maybe requires some creative attention given the kid.
The "conservatives" will roll their eyes, but art is hugely important to anyone's inner well-being, especially unhappy young people. They should get to know different ways of expressing their thoughts and feelings -- drawing, crafts, writing, photography, film/video, dance, musical instruments. Taking apart and putting together machines is an art, and a way of feeling successful. Caring for animals is important too.... volunteering at places where people are less fortunate than they are... religion.... you know.
The Bible says to raise up a child in the way he should go and when he's old, he won't depart from it.
It doesn't say a thing about when he's a teenager!
It's such a rough time. Just during the years they're supposed to be paying attention to this success path is when they want to be "free" and all that. All you can do is throw things out that will tempt them down the right path, and let them know you're always there to help.
How many out of control kids and young adults, end up being very successful, without a sports career?
For what definition of success?
Rich and powerful? Loved by all? Respected by all? Happy? Left those they befriend better off for it? Made a significant contribution to society?
Raised many kids of their own, who did well? Lived with uncompromising honor and itegrity?
Lived thir life so they kept their self-respect at all times?
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